Homer and Apu/Quotes
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- Customer 1: I need one twenty-nine cent stamp.
- Apu: That's a dollar eighty-five.
- Customer 2: I want two dollars worth of gas, please.
- Apu: Four-twenty.
- Martin: How much is your penny candy?
- Apu: Surprisingly expensive.
- Homer: Your old meat made me sick!
- Apu: I'm so sorry. Please accept five pounds of frozen shrimp.
- Homer: This shrimp isn't frozen and it smells funny.
- Apu: Okay, ten pounds.
- Homer: Woo hoo!
- Kent Brockman: All right, are you willing to go undercover to nail this creep?
- Homer: No way, man No way, man. Get yourself another patsy, man. No way am I wearing a freakin' wire.
- Brockman: All right, all right, all right. Would you be willing to wear a hidden camera and microphone?
- Homer: Oh, that I'll wear.
- Homer: No, don't kill me! I didn't know there was film in that camera in that hat! I was unaware! I WAS UNAWAAARE!
- Apu: Mr. Simpson, you misunderstand me. In my village this is the traditional pose of apology.
- Homer: Oh.
- Apu: You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly.
- Homer: You're selling what now?
- Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment.
- Homer: You can't sell that. Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
- Apu: He's got me there.
- Homer: Is he still out there?
- Marge: Yes, he's raking leaves.
- Homer: What? That's your job. If he starts doing Lisa's wood chopping...
- James Woods: Well, to be honest, in my upcoming movie I'm gonna be playing this tightly-wound convenience store clerk and you know, I, kinda like to research my roles and really get into it. For instance, "True Believer," I actually worked in a law firm for two months. And then the film "Chaplin," I had a little cameo in that, I actually traveled in time back to the 1920s where... I've, uh, said too much.
- Apu: There she is, there she is, the world's first convenience store.
- Homer: This isn't very convenient.
- Apu: Must you dump on everything we do?
- Kwik-E-Mart CEO: You may ask me three questions.
- Apu: That's great, because all I need is one.
- Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
- Kwik-E-Mart CEO: Yes.
- Homer: Really?
- Kwik-E-Mart CEO: Yes.
- Homer: You?
- Kwik-E-Mart CEO: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
- Apu: But, I must --
- Kwik-E-Mart CEO: Thank you, come again.
- Apu: But...
- Kwik-E-Mart CEO: Thank you, come again.
- Homer: Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.
- James Woods: Hey! Hey, you're Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, aren't you? You're the... you're like the guy... You're a legend around here. Can I ask you, is it, is it true you once worked ninety-six hours straight?
- Apu: Oh, yes. It was horrible. I'll tell you. By the end I thought I was a hummingbird of some kind.
- James Woods: Oh, yeah. You know, I studied your old security tapes.
- [they start to watch the security tape]
- Apu: In a few minutes, I try to drink nectar out of Sanjay's head.
- Apu: Ah! The searing kiss of hot lead—how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.
- Dr. Hibbert: Well, you are a very lucky man, Apu. You see, the bullet ricocheted off another bullet that was lodged in your chest from a previous robbery.
