My Fair Laddy/Quotes

Quotes

Season 17 Episode Quotes

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367

"We're on the Road to D'ohwhere"

368
"My Fair Laddy"

"The Seemingly Never-Ending Story"

369

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Willie: [talking about the Home, Sweet Home sign Lisa made for him] You made that for me? [sniffles] I think I need a moment alone.

Lisa: I understand. [leaves]

[When she's gone, Willie takes the sign off the wall and smashes it.]

Willie: I liked it the way it was!

[Marge is shocked by the ad on Homer's head when he turns out the lights.]

Marge: It glows in the dark!

Homer: [nervously] It's not supposed to.

Coach Krupt: Bombardment! Bombardment! Bombardment!

Jimbo: Look at her, trying to civilize Willie! That's as unlikely as Kearney going around the world in eighty days!

Kearney: [has a thought] Eighty days? More than ample time to circumnavigate the globe.

Jimbo: Would you care to wager on that?

Kearney: You're on!

Dolph: I shall hold the money!

[Pays Jimbo some money and then bikes off screen right. A few seconds later, a hot-air balloon appears going the opposite way.]

Kearney: [in balloon] To Istanbul!

Jimbo: Wrong way, dingus!

Coach Krupt: Today we will be playing a game as old as pain itself, BOMBARDMENT.

Milhouse: I'm intrigued! How do you play?

Coach Krupt: DUCK OR DIE!

Coach Krupt: VAN HOUTEN!

Milhouse: [sheepishly] Here, sir, but my doctor says no more bombardment.

Coach Krupt: WELL HERE'S A SECOND OPINION! [the coach chucks a dodgeball at Milhouse] MUNTZ!

Nelson: Do your worst! I'm drunk!

Coach Krupt: Well welcome to A.A., ALWAYS ATTACKING! [the coach chucks a dodgeball at Nelson]

Lisa: Good night, Willie!

Willie: Good night! [hits himself on the head with a hammer, then falls asleep]

Coach Krupt: [after he hits Bart with a ball] Son, are you all right?

Bart: I think so...

Coach Krupt: BOMBARDMENT![hits Bart with a ball again]

Bart: [puts a water dodgeball in the freezer and takes out Lisa's saxophone] Why did I put this in here?

Lisa: My saxophone! [begins playing, but her lips get stuck]

Bart: Oh, now I remember!

Lisa: [muffled] You jerk! I'm telling Mom!

[Homer is on a go-kart when his seat collapses, causing his butt to scrape the ground.]

Squeaky-voiced teen: Sir, your go-kart's broken!

Homer: No! I paid for fifty laps and I'm taking them!

[Homer then has brief moments of laughter followed by brief moments of pain. He passes the lap sign, which goes from "2" to "3".]

Groundskeeper Largo: Oh for God's sake! [camera pulls out, revealing his tractor is on the school roof] How did I get up here?

Willie: I feel like I..[singing] could be indoors all night, could use a fork and knife, and never soil my suit! I could be so polite, start not a scene nor fight and still not feel like a fruit! How very nice that there's no lice in my hair, and my toenails I don't bite! Now that I've reached the stage where I'm not full of rage, I could be indoors, indoors, all night!

Willie: [sings to the tune of wouldn't it be loverly] All I want is a place somewhere...

Lisa: [pause] And?

Willie: That's it.

Bart: Maybe you should aim a little higher.

Willie: Hmm... Let's see... [continues singing] Oh, to have me shack rebuilt, Get my rotten teeth all drillt, something on underneath my kilt, oh, wouldn't it be adequate? Matching shoes for both me feet, dining on untainted meat, a toilet what still has its seat.

[Zoom to Homer sitting on the toilet reading a newspaper.]

Homer: Oh,wouldn't it be adequate?

Bart and Lisa: Adequate? Adequate?

Willie: Wouldn't it be adequate? [tries to close the living room's window's curtains but they fall down]

Homer: [watching Super Bowl ad for blue pants] How long is this ad?

Executive: I don't know. I've never made it to the end.

Willie: [singing] What flows from the nose does not go on my clothes.

Lisa: I think he's got it, oh yeah, he's got it.

Willie: [in front of Lisa's mirror] What flows from the nose-

Willie's mirror reflection: -Does not go on my clothes.

Willie: Gah! A talking mirror! [takes a chair and smashes Lisa's mirror] Gah! [takes Bart and Lisa's noses and swoops them]

Lisa: Where is that ghastly flow?

Willie: The nose,the nose!

Lisa: And where should it not go?

Homer: Blue pants, blue pants!

Lisa: [stops singing] Dad, get your own song!

Homer: Fine. [goes away singing] I'm getting blue pants in the morning, ding dong, the zipper's gonna shine!

Willie: [singing] I've a fancy suit,and a clean white shirt, but I miss the days when tractor fumes blew up my skirt. I was freezing cold, and I slept in mold, but I long for the shack where I lived. She was true to me, my own home of wood, and when I passed out drunk from turpentine she understood. Life was so sublime-

Groundskeeper Largo: -Well Boo-Hoo,'cause I'm hanging ferns in the shack where you lived! [stops singing] If I had your voice I'd talk-sing everything!

Marge: Willie, do you want to stay at our house?

Willie: I don't need your charity, just as long as I've got a pan over my head.

Marge: That's a colander.

Willie: [sees that Marge is right] So that's where all the soup went.

Willie: I feel like I... [singing]

Could be indoors all night,

Could use a fork, and knife,

and never soil my suit!

I could be so polite

Start not a single fight

And still not feel like a fruit!

How very nice

That there's no lice

In my hair.

And my toe-nails I don't bite.

Now that I've reached the stage

Where I'm not full of rage

I could be indoors

Indoors all night!

← Season 16 Season 17 Quotes Season 18 →
The Bonfire of the Manatees • The Girl Who Slept Too Little • Milhouse of Sand and Fog • Treehouse of Horror XVI • Marge's Son Poisoning • See Homer Run • The Last of the Red Hat Mamas • The Italian Bob • Simpsons Christmas Stories • Homer's Paternity Coot • We're on the Road to D'ohwhere • My Fair Laddy • The Seemingly Never-Ending Story • Bart Has Two Mommies • Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife • Million-Dollar Abie • Kiss Kiss Bang Bangalore • The Wettest Stories Ever Told • Girls Just Want to Have Sums • Regarding Margie • The Monkey Suit • Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play