The Monkey Suit/Quotes
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- Todd: Daddy, was Mommy a monkey? I can't remember.
- Ned: No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that!
- Todd: But you said a stork brought me.
- Ned: Umm... that was God disguised as a stork.
- Rod: Then who brings baby storks?
- Ned: There's no such thing as storks! It's all God!
- Todd: [kneeling beside a statue of a stork] Please bless Daddy and Roddy...
- Ned: Stop praying to that stork!
- Chief Wiggum: Lisa Simpson, you're under arrest for the teaching of non-biblical science!
- Lisa: There are so many worse crimes. Why are you persecuting me?
- Chief Wiggum: Well, we only have the man power to enforce the last law passed. You know, it's not the best system, but... well, in fact, it's pretty much the worst.
- TV Host: So you are calling God a liar? An Unbiased Comparison of Evolution and Creationism. Let's say hi to two books. One; The Bible was written by our Lord. The other; The Origin of Species was written by a cowardly drunk named Charles Darwin.
- Lisa: This is slander! Darwin was one the greatest minds of all time!
- Janey: Then why is he making out with Satan?
- Ned Flanders: As sure as I am that Jesus hates hip-hop!.
- Miss Hoover: Class, the town has spoken. From now on we're only teaching one theory: creationism. Now please hand in your evolution books to Groundskeeper Willie while I beat this ominous drum.
- Barney: Homer's son's sister is right!
- Clarisse Drummond: This trial is the biggest load of... Oh for crying out loud!
- Wallace Brady: Now Bambi, who started that forest fire that killed your mother? Evolution?! My my my...
- Bart: Weaving? Homer, you're my father. You're supposed to protect me from things like this.
- Ned Flanders: [angrily towards Homer] Would you shut your yap, you big monkey-faced gorilla?!
