I'm Goin' to Praiseland/Quotes
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< I'm Goin' to Praiseland
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- Bart: Ice cream at church? I'm intrigued, yet suspicious.
- Lisa: Wow, look at all these flavors: Blessed Virgin Berry... Command-Mint... Biblegum...
- Reverend Lovejoy: Or, if you prefer, we also have Unitarian ice cream.
- Lisa: There's nothing here.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [smug] Exactly.
- Professor Frink: Mmm, hoy, mm... I've created the first intra-bovine ice cream maker. It makes use of all four stomachs, the first being filled with rock salt, then sugar, cream and of course, freon, so cold it burns me.
- Dr. Hibbert: I've never seen a brain freeze this bad!
- Nelson Muntz: [moans]
- Dr. Hibbert: Give me fifty CC's of hot fudge, stat. [to Nelson] Hold still. You're gonna feel a slight chocolatey sensation.
- Ned Flanders: So, uh, uh, where's your band?
- Rachel Jordan: They switched from Christian music to regular pop. All you do is change "Jesus" to "baby."
- Ned: Oh, how horrible!
- Rachel: Eh, they'll all go to hell.
- Homer: Why don't you just stay at Ned's place?
- Ned: My place? What would the neighbors think?
- Lisa: We're the neighbors, and we don't think.
- Ned: I sure appreciate you folks offering to go through Maude's things. If it were up to me, I wouldn't throw anything away.
- Marge: Oh, don't you worry. We'll make all the hard decisions so you don't have to.
- Bart: We can take whatever we want, right?
- Ned: Yea-- What?
- Lisa: Don't listen to him. You just have a good time at the eye doctor.
- Ned: Always do.
- Marge: Homer, don't you have any respect?
- Homer: Sure, of course I do, but life goes on, ashes to ashes, turn, turn, turn, long live rock, and so forth.
- Lisa: Don't throw this away. It's Rod's first tooth.
- Bart: You're right. We could use this for witchcraft.
- Marge: Wow, three pairs of shoes. Someone had a fetish.
- Homer: [to Ned] Now for the awkward part. We gotta talk about money.
- Lisa: You said we were doing this out of friendship.
- Homer: What? That doesn't sound like me.
- Bart: You could fix up the old Storytime Village. They've been out of business ever since that kid got his head cut off.
- Rich Texan: Tell you what, maybe I could donate the park, as a tax write-off.
- Ned: If you could do that, I'd make this place a shining beacon for the Lord.
- Rich Texan: Oh, you are so full of it! God's grace, that is. It's really sickening... there aren't more people like you. Now get out... your pen and we'll make it official.
- Mayor Quimby: It is with uh great pride that I dedicate this new school, sports arena or attraction.
- Nelson Muntz: What do you hit 'em with? There's no mallet!
- Ned: You can stop Satan with your faith.
- Nelson: My face? You callin' me ugly?
- Ned: No, no, no, no, no, I think you're beautiful.
- Nelson: Oh, that's it.
- Ned: Ohh, what can I get you, little Christian? How 'bout a Noah's Ark of Jellies?
- Chief Wiggum: Oh, are there two of every flavor?
- Ned: Nope, they're all the same. Plain.
- Chief Wiggum: Oh.
- Ned: How 'bout a Maude mask? [imitating Maude] I'm Maude. God is super!
- Ralph Wiggum: Can I sit in the car?
- Chief Wiggum: Let's both sit in the car.
- Principal Skinner: It was incredible, I saw Heaven! But it wasn't clouds and angels playing harps like at the end of so many Three Stooges shorts. It was a golden elementary school, with a teacher's lounge that stretched as far as the eye could see. And no one was ever tardy.
- Bart: Was I there?
- Principal Skinner: No! It was heaven! My vision of heaven!
- Rod Flanders: How come everybody's having visions, Daddy?
- Ned: Oh, there's no explaining God's will, Roddy. That's like explaining how an airplane flies.
- Homer: Stupid grill! Why won't you light? The gas is on full blast!
- Bart: You better stick your head in and see what's going on.
- Homer: Good idea.
