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Simpsons Tall Tales/Quotes

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Season 12 Episode Quotes
268 "Children of a Lesser Clod"
269
"Simpsons Tall Tales"
"Treehouse of Horror XII" 270


Marge: I can't believe it. We won another contest!
Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware!
Lisa: I wanna see Wilmington!
Bart: I wanna visit a screen door factory!
Marge: Yup, Delaware's got it all.

Singing railroad hobo: Mornin', folks.
Homer: [scared] What are you gonna do to us?
Hobo: Now, don't worry, I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo.
[the Simpsons sigh with relief]
Hobo: [singing] Nothin' beats the hobo life, stabbin' folks with my hobo knife. I gouged 'em...

Moe: All right. Look, we gotta do something about Bunyan. We're goin' bankrupt just feedin' and clothin' the guy. Not to mention the crushings.
Carl: Hey, I say we get him drunk and drag him outta town. Same way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Lisa: Excuse me... Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan. And his size seems to be really inconsistent. I mean, one minute he's ten feet tall, the next his feet are as big as a lake...
Hobo: Hey, hey, hey, who's the hobo here?
Lisa: I'm just sayin'...

Paul Bunyan: We've been together a long time now. When are we gonna, y'know...?
Marge: Soon. I just need a few more yoga classes.

Professor Frink: That meteor's headed straight for us, with the fire and the impact and the hundred per cent chance of pain... Pain in the glayvin!
Mayor Quimby: God has sent this fiery killrock to show us his love.

Paul Bunyan: Oh, I get it. When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me. But when I can save your life, suddenly I'm Mister Popular.
Lenny: Yeah, that's pretty much it.
Paul Bunyan: Woo hoo! I'm Mister Popular!

Bart: Boy, that story had everything, a giant, house crushing, meteor...
Marge: Townspeople...
Lisa: Got any more tall tales?
Hobo: Well, I s'pose I could spin ya a few more yarns... But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.
Homer: All right, but your next story better be worth it.

Connie Appleseed: Dad, you just killed a poor, defenseless buffalo!
Homer Bufflekill: A poor delicious buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train.

Connie Appleseed: Mom! Dad! Look what I found!
Homer Bufflekill: Oh boy! Buffalo testicles!
[he bites into a pair]
Connie Appleseed: No Dad, they're apples.
Homer Bufflekill: Yuh! Blaah! Yuck!

Homer Bufflekill: I haven't had buffalo in six hours. Marge, how 'bout whipping up some buffalo sausage, huevos buffaleros, and some fresh-squeezed buffal-O.J.

Marge Bufflekill: The buffalo are gone. I think you shot them all.
Homer Bufflekill: Ohh! Connie was right! We wiped out an entire species! What have I done? What have I done?!
Bart Bufflekill: Calm down, Pa. There's two left.
[Homer shoots the last two buffalo]
Homer Bufflekill: What have I done? What have I done?!

Abe Thatcher: Hey, they done switched the groom with a pig!
Judge Thatcher: No wonder he was poopin' so much.

Huckleberry Finn: I'm considerable hungry. We got any food left?
Tom Sawyer: Hm. Looks like we're out of cornpone, fatback, hardtack, fatpone, corntack...
Huck: Any tackback?
Tom: Tackback?
Huck: I mean backtack.
Tom: Plumb out.

Judge Thatcher: Well dog my cats. They's dis-apporated.

Hobo: And that was Tom and Huck's last adventure.
Homer: I liked that story 'cause I was a Judge.

Homer: Raise your arm... Okay, the other one...
Hobo: You know, I do four hundred sit-ups a day.
Homer: Oh, it shows. I was gonna say something, but I thought it might sound you know, weird.
Hobo: Oh, not at all. I like when people say nice things about my body.
Homer: And it's important to feel good about yourself... Okay, spread your toes. Do you know how much glass is in here?
Season 12 Quotes
Treehouse of Horror XI A Tale of Two Springfields Insane Clown Poppy Lisa the Tree Hugger Homer vs. Dignity The Computer Wore Menace Shoes The Great Money Caper Skinner's Sense of Snow HOMЯ Pokey Mom Worst Episode Ever Tennis the Menace Day of the Jackanapes New Kids on the Blecch Hungry, Hungry Homer Bye, Bye, Nerdie Simpson Safari Trilogy of Error I'm Goin' to Praiseland Children of a Lesser Clod Simpsons Tall Tales