Simpsons Tall Tales/Quotes
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- Marge: I can't believe it. We won another contest!
- Homer: The Simpsons are going to Delaware!
- Lisa: I wanna see Wilmington!
- Bart: I wanna visit a screen door factory!
- Marge: Yup, Delaware's got it all.
- Singing railroad hobo: Mornin', folks.
- Homer: [scared] What are you gonna do to us?
- Hobo: Now, don't worry, I'm not a stabbin' hobo, I'm a singin' hobo.
- [the Simpsons sigh with relief]
- Hobo: [singing] Nothin' beats the hobo life, stabbin' folks with my hobo knife. I gouged 'em...
- Moe: All right. Look, we gotta do something about Bunyan. We're goin' bankrupt just feedin' and clothin' the guy. Not to mention the crushings.
- Carl: Hey, I say we get him drunk and drag him outta town. Same way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder.
- Lisa: Excuse me... Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan. And his size seems to be really inconsistent. I mean, one minute he's ten feet tall, the next his feet are as big as a lake...
- Hobo: Hey, hey, hey, who's the hobo here?
- Lisa: I'm just sayin'...
- Paul Bunyan: We've been together a long time now. When are we gonna, y'know...?
- Marge: Soon. I just need a few more yoga classes.
- Professor Frink: That meteor's headed straight for us, with the fire and the impact and the hundred per cent chance of pain... Pain in the glayvin!
- Mayor Quimby: God has sent this fiery killrock to show us his love.
- Paul Bunyan: Oh, I get it. When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me. But when I can save your life, suddenly I'm Mister Popular.
- Lenny: Yeah, that's pretty much it.
- Paul Bunyan: Woo hoo! I'm Mister Popular!
- Bart: Boy, that story had everything, a giant, house crushing, meteor...
- Marge: Townspeople...
- Lisa: Got any more tall tales?
- Hobo: Well, I s'pose I could spin ya a few more yarns... But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.
- Homer: All right, but your next story better be worth it.
- Connie Appleseed: Dad, you just killed a poor, defenseless buffalo!
- Homer Bufflekill: A poor delicious buffalo. He'll be dinner for the whole wagon train.
- Connie Appleseed: Mom! Dad! Look what I found!
- Homer Bufflekill: Oh boy! Buffalo testicles!
- [he bites into a pair]
- Connie Appleseed: No Dad, they're apples.
- Homer Bufflekill: Yuh! Blaah! Yuck!
- Homer Bufflekill: I haven't had buffalo in six hours. Marge, how 'bout whipping up some buffalo sausage, huevos buffaleros, and some fresh-squeezed buffal-O.J.
- Marge Bufflekill: The buffalo are gone. I think you shot them all.
- Homer Bufflekill: Ohh! Connie was right! We wiped out an entire species! What have I done? What have I done?!
- Bart Bufflekill: Calm down, Pa. There's two left.
- [Homer shoots the last two buffalo]
- Homer Bufflekill: What have I done? What have I done?!
- Abe Thatcher: Hey, they done switched the groom with a pig!
- Judge Thatcher: No wonder he was poopin' so much.
- Huckleberry Finn: I'm considerable hungry. We got any food left?
- Tom Sawyer: Hm. Looks like we're out of cornpone, fatback, hardtack, fatpone, corntack...
- Huck: Any tackback?
- Tom: Tackback?
- Huck: I mean backtack.
- Tom: Plumb out.
- Judge Thatcher: Well dog my cats. They's dis-apporated.
- Hobo: And that was Tom and Huck's last adventure.
- Homer: I liked that story 'cause I was a Judge.
- Homer: Raise your arm... Okay, the other one...
- Hobo: You know, I do four hundred sit-ups a day.
- Homer: Oh, it shows. I was gonna say something, but I thought it might sound you know, weird.
- Hobo: Oh, not at all. I like when people say nice things about my body.
- Homer: And it's important to feel good about yourself... Okay, spread your toes. Do you know how much glass is in here?
