Skinner's Sense of Snow/Quotes
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"Skinner's Sense of Snow"
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- Marge: Finally, a circus full of whimsy and wonder.
- Homer: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah, that's way better than fun and excitement.
- Lisa: [reading the program] As French Canadians, they don't believe in refunds, or exploiting animals for entertainment.
- Homer: Oh, I wanted to see 'em fire a gorilla out of a cannon.
- Cirque de Purée ringmaster: Mesdames et messieurs, it appears the Cloud Goddess is ripe with rain babies. We must run for our trucks.
- Homer: Oh no you don't! I paid full price for this freak show. Now nourish the child within me! [shakes fist] Nourish...
- Principal Skinner: Children, I'm proud of you. Most of our students didn't bother to show up on this last day before Christmas break. But you've kept intact my Cal Ripken-like streak of school openage.
- Marge: This is terrible. How will the kids get home?
- Homer: I 'unno... Internet?
- Martin: I'm doing a puzzle with Grandmama, and she'll finish without me.
- Skinner: Yes, yes, yes. We all had plans. Except for me, ironically. I'm right where I want to be.
- Nelson: I can cut a trail through the snow. I'm part Eskimo.
- Skinner: I don't care if you're Kristi Yamaguchi. No one leaves the building.
- Bart: This stinks. We'll miss the Itchy and Scratchy where they finally kiss.
- Skinner: I don't care if they're kissing Kristi Yamaguchi. You're not going home.
- Ned Flanders: Hey, whatever happened to the plow from your old snowplow business?
- Homer: I never had a snowplow business.
- Ned: Sure you did -- "Mr. Plow." You're wearin' the jacket right now!
- Homer: I think I know my own life, Ned. [sings to himself] Call Mr. Plow, that's my name. That name again is Mr. Plow.
- Nelson: Well, don't just stand there, fight back! There aren't enough coat hooks to hold all of us!
- Skinner: Actually, there are. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty... [to Sherri and Terri] Uh, can you two share a hook?
- Sherri and Terri: Yes, sir.
- Skinner: We're fine, then.
- Flanders: Oh! I think we hit something.
- Homer: I hope it's Flanders. [laughs, then notices Ned] I'm just kidding. Hey, you're all right.
- Ralph: Mr. Army man? I can't sleep without my Reggie Rabbit.
- Skinner: Is that some sort of plush novelty?
- Ralph: Yes, ma'am.
- Skinner: Uh, well, here's a scouring pad. It's just as good.
- Ralph: It's cold and hurty.
- Skinner: Defying orders, eh? Well, I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Okay, Skinner. That's the last time you'll slap yer Willie around. I quit.
- Bart: That's it. Cinch it up around the neck.
- Skinner: This is a gross misuse of school property. Where are the dodge balls? [he is hit by several dodgeballs] Ow! Ow! Oh! All right, that's it! I'm writing all your names on the detention list in my mind.
- Bart: Silence, Seymour. We're in charge now. Your reign of fussiness is over.
- Milhouse: Hey, I got Skinner's key card. We can finally see our permanent records!
- Skinner: No! You can't go in there!
- Bart: [reading] "Underachiever and proud of it?" How old is this thing?
- Lisa: [reading] "Lisa is an outstanding student, with a slight tendency toward know-it-all-ism." [gasps] That's not even a word!
- Nelson: [reading from the Payroll] Hey, look how much Skinner makes. Twenty-five thousand dollars a year!
- Kids: Wow!
- Bart: Let's see, he's forty years old, times twenty-five grand... Whoaa, he's a millionaire!
- Kids: Wow!
- Skinner: I wasn't a principal when I was one.
- Nelson: Plus, in the summer, he paints houses!
- Milhouse: He's a billionaire!
- Kids: Wow!
- Skinner: If I were a billionaire, why would I be living with my mother?
- [the kids all laugh]
- Skinner: They're just not responding to logic anymore.
- Skinner: Nelson, if you get me outta this, there's a hall monitor position coming open in the spring...
- Nelson: I spit on your monitors.
- Skinner: I know. That's why the position's available.
- Skinner: You did it, Nibbles. Now chew through my ball sack.
- Skinner: Bart, if there's one thing I'm good at, it's pretending things didn't happen. And I think this is one of those.
- Bart: One of which?
- Skinner: Exactly.
- Bart: No, seriously, I wasn't listening.
- Skinner: One of those situations where...
- Bart: Gotcha!
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