Difference between revisions of "Three Gays of the Condo/Quotes"

Revision as of 03:29, October 16, 2021

Lisa: I wonder what Mom came up with for this week's Family Wednesday?

Homer: I hope it's as fun as Pictionary was last week!

Bart: Dad, we weren't playing Pictionary. That was an intervention to stop your drinking.

Marge: The box says it's the perfect way to spend a day. And why would a box lie to a person? [she empties the puzzle onto the floor] The first step is the funnest - turning all the pieces face-up.

Bart: Go crazy, dorks! I got better things to do. [he opens the door and Milhouse is there]

Milhouse: [holding a rock tumbler] Hey, Bart! I fixed my rock tumbler! What do you say we turn this baby lose on some feldspar?

Bart: [closing the door on Milhouse] I'm in.

Homer: [playing an arcade game while drunk] Marge, I need both hands for this game. Can you feed me nachos while I play?

Marge: Why don't you stop playing?

Homer: Tell that to the brave crew of the "S.S. Triangle"! [he is playing Asteroids] Evil rocks... take that!

Marge: Homer, I really don't want to feed you.

Homer: Come on! You're always saying we should do things as a couple.

Ned Flanders: Ooh... that's quite a thingama-jigsaw! But, it looks like your missing a piece.

Homer: Looks like you're missing a wife.

Flanders: Heh-heh-heh. I walked right into that one.

Marge: I can't believe our family finished a project this complicated.

Homer: It's the only worthwhile thing I've ever made that wasn't Lisa. [[[Maggie]] gives him a dirty look] Prove me wrong, Silent Bob!

Homer: Oh, so you don't like it when I drink? What other secrets have you been hoarding to use against me?

Marge: Homer, let it go! It's not always going to be perfect. We've been married for ten years.

Homer: Oh, I didn't realize you had been counting the years! Is it that horrible living with me?!

Marge: Well, this morning isn't a barrel of laughs!

Homer: It is to me! Marge, I can't live like this! I'm tired of walking around on eggshells!

Marge: Maybe if you didn't throw them on the floor!

Homer: [standing on scattered eggshells] Now you're just making up rules! Who made you Judge Judy and executioner?

Lisa: Dad, where are you going?

Homer: Kids, sometimes when a daddy learns that a mommy always hated him, he needs some time away to think.

Bart: But, you're not going to get divorced like Milhouse's parents, are you?

Homer: Oh-ho, no. This is nothing like Milhouse's parents. Now, if you need me, I'll be staying with Milhouse's father.

Homer: Are you trying to tell me that you guys are those guys that like guys?

Grady: That's right, Homer. We're gay!

Homer: You are? Hmm... Which will win out? My old-fashioned prejudices or the fact that I've already mixed my laundry with yours?

Julio: Uch. Where'd you buy this? From the guy at the exit ramp? This is disgusting!

Homer: Calm down "Picky Ricardo". He made us a great breakfast, and you're just riding his butt... and not in the good way.

Julio: Grady, are jou sure jou want to live with him?

Grady: It's either him or that girl who put "Mother Earth" as a reference. And with a male roommate, we can walk around naked.

Homer: Way ahead of you! [he drops his robe and exits]

Lisa: Mom, I know dad cares about you, but his feelings are really hurt. Why don't you just say you're sorry?

Marge: Lisa, marriage is a beautiful thing, but it's also a constant battle for moral superiority. So I can't apologize.

Bart: Couldn't you just say you're sorry and not mean it? I do it all the time! I don't think I've ever meant it.

Marge: Bart, that's not right!

Bart: [apologetically] Sorry, mom. [snapping his fingers] See, it's that easy.

Woman: I didn't think it was possible, but watching him makes me more lesbian.

Hans Moleman: Lesbian? This isn't my army reunion.

Large gay man: [dressed in military clothes] You're coming home with me.

Moleman: [saluting] Yes, colonel.

Homer: "Weird Al" Yankovic?!

"Weird Al": Homer, Marge wrote me about what happened. And, as soon as her check cleared, I was on the first reasonably priced flight here.

Homer: Did you ever get those parody songs I sent you?

"Weird Al": [sighs] Yes.

Homer: Which one was better? "Livin' La Pizza Loca" or "Another One Bites the Crust"?

"Weird Al": They were pretty much the same, Homer.

Homer: [grumbling] Yeah, like you and Allan Sherman.

Julio: Homer, weren't you supposed to meet your wife half an hour ago?

Homer: D'oh! You guys don't have a gay time machine do you?

Julio: Jes. It's called Grady's shoe closet.

Grady: Hey, Julio? Ouch.

Homer: You know, Moe, I was just thinking. My problems with Marge started because I drink too much. And then tonight, alcohol only made things worse. Maybe all my problems are actually caused by...

Moe: [showing a beer bottle down Homer's throat] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take ya medicine, ya lush ya.

[Marge kisses Homer.]

Homer: That was the best kiss I had tonight! [thought] Or was it?

Marge: Homie? What are you thinking?

Homer: [quickly] Manly thoughts.

[They kiss again.]