Difference between revisions of "I'm Goin' to Praiseland/Quotes"

Revision as of 10:07, August 15, 2021

Bart: Ice cream at church? I'm intrigued, yet suspicious.

Lisa: Wow, look at all these flavors: Blessed Virgin Berry... Command-Mint... Biblegum...

Reverend Lovejoy: Or, if you prefer, we also have Unitarian ice cream.

Lisa: There's nothing here.

Reverend Lovejoy: [smug] Exactly.

Professor Frink: Mmm, hoy, mm... I've created the first intra-bovine ice cream maker. It makes use of all four stomachs, the first being filled with rock salt, then sugar, cream and of course, freon, so cold it burns me.

Dr. Hibbert: I've never seen a brain freeze this bad!

Nelson Muntz: [moans]

Dr. Hibbert: Give me fifty CC's of hot fudge, stat. [to Nelson] Hold still. You're gonna feel a slight chocolatey sensation.

Ned Flanders: So, uh, uh, where's your band?

Rachel Jordan: They switched from Christian music to regular pop. All you do is change "Jesus" to "baby."

Ned: Oh, how horrible!

Rachel: Eh, they'll all go to hell.

Homer: Why don't you just stay at Ned's place?

Ned: My place? What would the neighbors think?

Lisa: We're the neighbors, and we don't think.

Ned: I sure appreciate you folks offering to go through Maude's things. If it were up to me, I wouldn't throw anything away.

Marge: Oh, don't you worry. We'll make all the hard decisions so you don't have to.

Bart: We can take whatever we want, right?

Ned: Yea-- What?

Lisa: Don't listen to him. You just have a good time at the eye doctor.

Ned: Always do.

Marge: Homer, don't you have any respect?

Homer: Sure, of course I do, but life goes on, ashes to ashes, turn, turn, turn, long live rock, and so forth.

Lisa: Don't throw this away. It's Rod's first tooth.

Bart: You're right. We could use this for witchcraft.

Marge: Wow, three pairs of shoes. Someone had a fetish.

Homer: [to Ned] Now for the awkward part. We gotta talk about money.

Lisa: You said we were doing this out of friendship.

Homer: What? That doesn't sound like me.

Bart: You could fix up the old Storytime Village. They've been out of business ever since that kid got his head cut off.

Rich Texan: Tell you what, maybe I could donate the park, as a tax write-off.

Ned: If you could do that, I'd make this place a shining beacon for the Lord.

Rich Texan: Oh, you are so full of it! God's grace, that is. It's really sickening... there aren't more people like you. Now get out... your pen and we'll make it official.

Mayor Quimby: It is with uh great pride that I dedicate this new school, sports arena or attraction.

Nelson Muntz: What do you hit 'em with? There's no mallet!

Ned: You can stop Satan with your faith.

Nelson: My face? You callin' me ugly?

Ned: No, no, no, no, no, I think you're beautiful.

Nelson: Oh, that's it.

Ned: Ohh, what can I get you, little Christian? How 'bout a Noah's Ark of Jellies?

Chief Wiggum: Oh, are there two of every flavor?

Ned: Nope, they're all the same. Plain.

Chief Wiggum: Oh.

Ned: How 'bout a Maude mask? [imitating Maude] I'm Maude. God is super!

Ralph Wiggum: Can I sit in the car?

Chief Wiggum: Let's both sit in the car.

Principal Skinner: It was incredible, I saw Heaven! But it wasn't clouds and angels playing harps like at the end of so many Three Stooges shorts. It was a golden elementary school, with a teacher's lounge that stretched as far as the eye could see. And no one was ever tardy.

Bart: Was I there?

Principal Skinner: No! It was heaven! My vision of heaven!

Rod Flanders: How come everybody's having visions, Daddy?

Ned: Oh, there's no explaining God's will, Roddy. That's like explaining how an airplane flies.

Homer: Stupid grill! Why won't you light? The gas is on full blast!

Bart: You better stick your head in and see what's going on.

Homer: Good idea.