Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass/Quotes
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"Homer and Ned's Hail Mary Pass"
- Homer: (singing, after beating Bart in the game) "I'm number one! I beat my son! Victory is mine! So kiss my behind!" (scutting and grunting at Bart) "In your face!" (starts dancing)
- Tom Brady: "Everyone sucks but me."
- Burns: What would you use instead of Nuclear power?
- Marge: Solar.
- Lenny: Hydroelectric.
- Moe: A mix of conservation and wind.
- Burns: Who told you about those?
- Carl:' The talking tree in a commercial.
- Prof. Frink: (after seeing Ned's film, The Passion of Cain and Abel) You have taught me a world of faith beyond the world of science. I would pay to see it again and again and again and again but NOT SIX TIMES!!!
- Homer: I wish I were a screensaver.
- Comic Book Guy: My name is Jeff Albertson, but everyone calls me "Comic Book Guy".
- Michelle Kwan: Beware the wrath of Kwan!
- Milhouse: Look! It's my hero, Michelle Kwan!
- Michelle Kwan: You remind me of a young Dorothy Hamill.
- Milhouse: I didn't know you could talk!
- Crazy Cat Lady: (calm) Thanks to this medication I enjoy brief moments of lucidity.
- Marge: Those are Reese's Pieces.
- Crazy Cat Lady: (goes crazy)
- Frank: Oh, I paid a thousand dollars for this seat and I can't even see the game!
- Marge: Just poke through!
- (Frank then pokes his head through Marge's hair)
- Announcer: The crowd gets ready for the half-time show, sponsored by the new Ford pickups, Citibank, and Moe's Tavern'.
- (cut to private skybox, where Moe and the two executives are watching the game)
- Executive 1: How could you afford this?
- Moe: I hustled a lot of pool. Speaking of which, you wanna play? I gotta warn ya though, I ain't that good.
- Executive 1: Alright. (under his breath) Sucker.
- (Moe swings his cue stick full force against the executive's back, possibly killing him)
- Moe: Who's the sucker now!? Huh?!!
- Mother: You try to raise your kids as humanists but these show-biz types keep shoving religion down our throat.
- Kid: Mommy, why wasn't I baptized?
- Mother: You see? YOU SEE??
- Yao Ming: "Wo zhen de bu dong ni men de yu yan." ("I really don't understand your language" in Mandarin)
- Lisa: But I heard you have an excellent knowledge of English.
- Yao Ming: "Shut up kid, I've got a good thing going on!"
- (the athletes are carrying an ark in Homer's show)
- Tom: You think Homer's mad at me? I waved at him in the parking lot and his stared right through me.
- Yao: I left the People's Republic for this?
- Warren: Yo, Michelle, ya got a boyfriend?
- Michelle: Not in here I don't.
- LeBron: Omelettes? For dinner? This is the best day of my life!
- Lisa: Didn't you just sign a $100 million dollar contract?
- LeBron: Oh yeah. That was a good day too.