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Judge Me Tender/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Homer: Oh my God. You never fail to nauseate me, boy.
- Bart: Just call me Barf Simpson.
- Homer: I wanted to, but your mother said kids might tease you.
- Lisa: Mr. Flanders, how did you make these amazing fish?
- Ned Flanders: Actually, God made some fish that were pretty close to these, so naturally we selected those for further breeding.
- Lisa: So that "natural selection" was the origin of this species?
- Ned: Yup, that's exactly... Oh, you almost got me.
- Moe Szyslak: Hey clown, we've heard your stand-up, now how about some shut-up!
- Krusty the Clown: Everybody's a comedian.
- Moe: Except you!
- Moe: Which means this joint is closed for the night.
- Barney Gumble: Don't be that way.
- Homer: You can't close! I'll have to go home and drink better beer at half the price in natural lighting!
- The Rich Texan: Now looky here. I'm no judge of talent, but I am a judge of judging. And in my judge judgment, you have a talent for judging talent.
- Moe: You talk like my ass plays harmonica.
- Moe: This is terrible! I've seen better stitching on a baseball glove!
- Dr. Nick: Can I have another corpse?
- Dr. Hibbert: They weren't corpses!
- Dr. Nick: Uh-oh.
- Homer: Wow, Marge. I can't believe you're taking me to a sports bar.
- Marge: Well, it's been such a... blessing having you around the house, "making my life easier," as you so put it, so I thought you deserved a reward.
- Moe: You wanted to see me, Simon?
- Simon Cowell: Moe, as you know, over the past few days I've grown rather fond of you.
- Moe: I can't believe you gave me your home phone number.
- Simon Cowell: That's not my home number. That's my assistant's work number.
- Moe: Wow. I can't believe this, Simon. Simon? Huh. Was he really here, or was it just my imagination?
- Simon Cowell: I'm here. My black tee shirt makes me blend into the shadows. I'm here...I'm gone. I'm here. I'm gone. I'm here. I'm gone. I'm here...
- Moe: I get it. I get it. That's your thing.
- Ryan Seacrest: Okay Randy, what'd you think of that performance?
- Randy Jackson: A'ight, a'ight—You know what? I was feelin' that, dog. "Happy" was very cool, right? But "birth" was definitely a little pitchy, but—I gotta tell you something—you worked it out on "day," man. And then when you hit that "to you"—dude, that was the bomb! You blew out all the candles, baby!
- Ryan Seacrest: If you think that answer was a yes, text the number at the bottom of the screen. Giant secret charges may apply.
- Ryan Seacrest: Ellen, what's your "ramble" on this?
- Ellen DeGeneres: Ryan, I don't ramble anymore. Although I do love that song "Ramblin' Man" by the Allman Brothers. I used to think that they were the "Almond Brothers," which was cool, because I love nuts. Except for filberts, which is weird because I love Dilbert -- 'cause when you're stuck workin' in a cubicle, sometimes you just gotta dance!
- Ryan Seacrest: Okay, that's four thumbs-up. And finally, because this show now has more judges than the Supreme court... Simon, what do you say?
- Simon Cowell: Well, that was truly a remarkable version of "Happy Birthday." Because when it was done, I actually felt like I had lost a year of my life.
- Moe: ...I didn't rip out his voice box, but I did stretch out his tee shirt, then they said I ain't allowed back in California no more and I can no longer make judgments about nothin'...
- Barney: Hey Moe, am I okay to drive?
- Moe: Legally, I can't say.
- Barney: To a drunk man that's a yes!
- Moe: There is one bright side: I'm also forbidden from ever watchin' Fox.
- Marge: You can't even show it in the bar?
- Moe: That's right—and business has never been better.
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