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Oh Brother, Where Bart Thou?/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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449
"Oh Brother, Where Bart Thou?"
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- Homer: Gee Lisa, looks like tomorrow I'll be shoveling ten feet of "global warming".
- Lisa: Global warming can cause weather at both extremes—hot and cold.
- Homer: I see. So you're saying "warming" makes it colder. Well, aren't you the Queen of Crazyland? Everything's the opposite of everything. La-de-da-de-da! I'm Lisa Simpson. La-de-da-de-da.
- Superintendent Chalmers: And of course, Springfield Elementary is closed. We were just messing with Bart Simpson.
- Principal Skinner: [laughs] I've got one! Springfield El...bow Macaroni Factory.
- Chalmers: Skinner! What factory makes just one kind of pasta?
- Skinner: Uh, well, I just thought, uh... specialization being the wave of the future... uh, probably...
- Marge: A branch must've knocked out the power lines.
- Bart: Fine. I'll see what's on TV.
- Marge: That runs on electricity also.
- Bart: All right, I'll watch a DVD. There's no way that runs on electricity.
- Bart: Why did I want to play with a couple of lame-o girls?
- Lisa: Because you envy us. Maggie and I share the deepest bond there is: sisterhood. We'll be closer than best friends for the rest of our lives. But you'll never know what that's like, because you won't ever have a brother.
- Bart: I don't need a brother. I'm a badass loner like Wolverine, who leaves whenever people beg him not to leave.
- Bart: I don't need a brother... and no dream will convince me I do.
- Tom Smothers: I-I-I-- I just, I just wanted to say something.
- Dick Smothers: What?
- Tom: Dick...
- Dick: Yes?
- Tom: You-you're my brother and... I love you.
- Dick: Well, I love you too, Tom. Thank you very much. But if you hadn't fought CBS, they would never have fired us from our show.
- Tom: Oh, they-uh-they-they didn't fire us, Dick.
- Dick: They didn't?
- Tom: We quit.
- Dick: We did not quit. They fired us.
- Tom: You... you were fired.
- Dick: They fired us from the show.
- Tom: No, they fired you. They didn't fire me.
- Dick: Why wouldn't they fire you?
- Tom: Because they can't fire... the yo-yo master!... And here is "shoot the moon." I'm so cool.
- Bart: Oh my God, I want a brother!
- Lisa: You can have mine, but he's kind of an idiot.
- Bart: Dad... I want a baby brother.
- Homer: Son, I love you kids. But I'm only going to the hospital one more time in my life and I ain't comin' out.
- Bart: You never told me how my body works.
- Homer: Point and shoot.
- Otto: Oh my God! I killed Kenny!
- Milhouse: Ralph.
- Otto: No, I killed Kenny yesterday. What did I do now?
- Bart: Are you sure this'll work?
- Milhouse: Hey, this is the DVD my parents used to make me.
- Bart: So it kinda works...
- Bart: Look, I want a baby brother, but I can't get my parents to do it.
- Jimbo: Here's the thing, Simpson. No matter how dead their relationship seems, all parents eventually commit the heinous act of love.
- Kearney: Mine do it once a year on the magical day when the prison and the insane asylum have their annual mixer.
- Bart: Got it. How can I thank you?
- Dolph: Uh... give yourself a wedgie.
- Bart: Don't you wanna do it?
- Dolph: Can't. Carpal-nurple syndrome. The doctor said if I didn't take it easy, I might never shove a kid's face in the drinking fountain again.
- Jimbo: Scary.
- Kearney: A wakeup call for all of us.
- Bart: What about what I want? I'd help you take care of him.
- Marge: Remember those hamsters you were going to take care of?
- Bart: Oh my God, the hamsters!
- Adult Bart: How could you possibly need all these clothes?
- Adult Lisa: Shopping: it's the most fun you can have standing up.
- Dream Simpson sister: Hey, you didn't see what I cooked up in the galley of my last flight to London. They don't call it "Virgin" Airlines anymore.
- Bart: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
- Charlie: I'm your new brother!
- Bart: Are you from the orphanage, or do I really not understand how babies are born?
- Bart: I'm sorry. I guess having a little brother is more responsibility than I thought. Especially 'cause I thought it'd be no responsibility at all.
- Bart: Sorry dude, I didn't see you.
- Nelson: How could you not see me? My arms are like hams! Hammms!
- Dick: Take it, Tom! Take it Tom. Hey, wait a minute. Wait, hold on. I said, take it, Tom. Didn't you hear me say "Take it, Tom?"
- Tom: I-I-I-I... I didn't hear you say "take it".
- Dick: Oh, what did you think you heard?
- Tom: I didn't I didn't think I heard what you think you said.
- Dick: Oh, what did you think I said?
- Tom: Well, I-I heard I- sounded like you said... naked bacon.
- Dick: Naked bacon.
- Tom: Sounded like it--
- Dick: Sounded like I said naked bacon.
- Homer: Did somebody say "naked bacon?"
- Tom: See. We all thought it was naked--
- Homer: Yeah. It sounded like naked bacon to me. I don't know why they say you're the dumb guy, Tom.
- Tom: I-I don't know, either. You said naked bacon.
- Dick: Well, I definitely said "take it, Tom".
- Tom: But if you--
- Homer: No, you said "naked bacon".
- Tom: That's what I thought.
- Dick: Well, I'll tell you, you may both agree, but folksingers never say take it naked bacon.
- Homer: Do you guys know Funky Town?
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