Thursdays with Abie/Quotes
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- Marshall Goldman: Sir, my name is Marshall Goldman. I'm a newspaper columnist specializing in human interest stories.
- Grampa: You're in the newspaper business? Something that's gonna die before I do!
- Marshall Goldman: You have any other stories you'd care to tell me?
- Grampa: Someone's listening to me!
- Marshall Goldman: Now I know how a radio feels!
- Bart: Oh, not that stupid stuffed lamb again. This isn't learning!
- Edna Krabappel: Do you want to learn?
- Mrs. Krabappel: This weekend, Larry will go home with...
- Nelson: Please, God, I need this.
- Mrs. Krabappel: ...Bart Simpson.
- Martin: Oh, cruel irony!
- Homer: How come Grampa never shared those stories with us?
- Marge: He does all the time. You just never listen.
- Homer: Marge, my brain is like a computer, and I file away Grampa's stories in a very special place.
- Homer: Dad, I don't have the right words to say how I really feel about you, but at least I know how to beat up a guy who does.
- Grampa: Well, at least you never tried to kill me.
- Lisa: Bart! If you're not gonna take care of him right, then give him to me.
- Bart: How come you don't get mad when I torment real animals?
- Lisa: I do! It enrages me!
- Bart: I thought you Hindus were supposed to love everybody.
- Lisa: I'm a freaking Buddhist! A Buddhist!
