Once Upon a Time in Springfield/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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451
"Once Upon a Time in Springfield"
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- Homer: No pink box?! Wha—what's going on?
- Mr. Burns: I'm afraid your daily donuts are no more.
- Homer: You... can't... do that...
- Mr. Burns: Until Mr. Roosevelt's New Deal starts working, this country's still in a depression. I'm spending a fortune on atoms, and we have to cut costs!
- Lenny: But we have way more expensive unnecessaries than donuts.
- Carl: Yeah, like the ceiling furniture.
- Lenny: ...or all the joke I.D. badges we order.
- Mr. Burns: No donuts!
- Lenny: No!
- Homer: D'oh!
- Carl: Nuts!
- Mr. Burns: Exactly.
- Lisa: I agree it's cliché, but she does have a certain—Unicorn!
- Bart: That is so fake. You can see the strap on the horn!
- Lisa: Just give me this!
- Homer: They took away our donuts at work! All I've had are my meals!
- Gator McCall: Bartender, buy these men a round on me.
- Moe: You want to "buy a round?" I heard about that in bartending school, but I never seen it happen.
- Female executive: Krusty, thanks to Princess Penelope, your studio audience is packed—and we didn't need any cardboard kids!
- Krusty: Yeah, but they're all girls! Girls don't laugh, and they don't buy cigars. Dutch Masters is gonna drop us like a hot potato!
- Bart: Poor Krusty. He's become the lowest form of life—a sidekick.
- Milhouse: You said it, Bart! Way to sum up the situation!
- Bart: Take it easy, little buddy.
- Milhouse: That's exactly how I'll take it!
- Homer: Do you want to come in and get your sister with me?
- Bart: Hell no.
- Homer: Watch your language! Now, why the hell not?
- Krusty: Why do clown things always happen to clowns?
- Krusty: Now see here, Little Miss Scene Stealer, I'm the star of the show. You're just the reason people tune in.
- Princess Penelope: Krusty, there's something I have to tell you.
- Krusty: No, no! Let me finish: I work like I drink—alone. Or with a monkey watching me.
- Princess Penelope: Krusty... I love you.
- Krusty: That way, if I pass out, he turns me on my side so—You what?!
- Princess Penelope: I have loved you since I was a twelve-year-old girl, in Mineola, Long Island, watching your show.
- Krusty: WDQT? They had this fat, pathetic station manager--
- Princess Penelope: That was my father.
- Krusty: Great guy.
- Krusty: Welcome to the "Krusty and Princess Penelope Smoochie Poo I Love You Hour"! No laughs, just hugs and cuddles.
- Bart: That's it—game over.
- Milhouse: Is it, Bart? Is it?
- Bart: What are you talking about?
- Milhouse: A wedding is a complex thing, Bart—it's so easy for something to go wrong.
- Bart: Milhouse Van Houten... will you do me the honor of ruining Krusty's wedding with me?
- Milhouse: Oh Bart, this is all happening so fast! Let's call my mom together!
- Bart: And his last wife, Eartha Kitt, recorded this before her untimely death.
- Milhouse: They were only married for six hours, but she still hated Krusty.
- Eartha Kitt: He was asleep for five of those hours. And the one he was awake, was a cat-tastrophe.
- Princess Penelope: Don't you love me?
- Krusty: Princess, you're the only woman I care about enough to ditch at the altar.
- Princess Penelope: Krusty! My Borscht Belt Baby! You changed your mind!
- Krusty: I'd rather be a happy shnook than a noble shlumpf.
