Bart Star/Quotes
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- Dr. Hibbert: Your cholestral level is lethally high, Homer, but I'm more concerned about your gravy level.
- Homer: Now, wait a second. You doctors have been telling us to drink eight glasses of gravy a day!
- Dr. Hibbert: [chuckles] Well, you're a little confused.
- Homer: Ho-ho, confused, would we?
- [Marge gives a presentation in front of the First Aid booth.]
- Marge: Now, make no mistake; when I say "First aid", I'm not talking about some sort of charity rock concert.
- [Marge laughs at her own joke, the audience stare blankly.]
- Marge: I'm talking about treating serious injuries.
- [The crowd laughs. Krusty gets out his notepad and jots something down.]
- Krusty: Serious injuries... oh, that's gold!
- [Lisa pokes Bart's stomach as he sits on the couch eating]
- Lisa: Hey, tubby! Want another Pop-Tart, tubby?
- Bart: I'm comfortable with who I am.
- Rod: We don't have to play football... do we, daddy?
- Ned Flanders: Oh-ho-ho, you betcha! Team sports'll keep you away from temptations like rock music and girls.
- Rod and Todd: Yay!
- Luann Van Houten: You know, Milhouse, you are getting a little doughy.
- Milhouse: Aw, can't I just have the surgery?
- [Bart walks out of the dressing room in Sportacus wearing a football uniform.]
- Bart: Okay, Milhouse, let's try out the new cup.
- [Milhouse kicks Bart in the groin. Bart laughs.]
- Bart: Again.
- [Milhouse kicks Bart in the groin again and Bart yawns.]
- Bart: Ho-hum.
- [Milhouse tries again and again, getting no reaction from Bart.]
- Marge: [off camera] Milhouse! Stop that!
- [Coach Flanders assigns positions.]
- Flanders: Okay, Nelson's our quarterback.
- Nelson: Thanks, four-eyes.
- Flanders: Ralph, you'll be on special teams.
- Ralph: I'm special.
- Flanders: And, uh, Bart, you'll be a tackle.
- Bart: Cool!
- [He tackles Martin.]
- Martin: Careful, Bart! You'll break my calculator... by which I mean my head.
- Marge: You know, Homer, it's very easy to criticize.
- Homer: Fun, too.
- Homer: Wipe that smile off your face!
- Bart: What'd I do?
- Homer: I'm tired of watchin' you dog it on that football field. From now on, I'm gonna work you like a dog! Now, go fetch me twenty laps!
- Homer: It's time for the easiest part of any coach's job - the cuts. Now, while I wasn't able to cut everyone I wanted to, I have cut a lot of you. Wendell is cut. Rudy is cut. Janey, you're gone. Steven? I like your hustle. That's why it was so hard to cut you. Congratulations! The rest of you made the team. Except you, and you.
- Martin: (sarcastically) Bart didn't get cut, what a surprise!
- Bart: But I can't play quarterback. I don't even know how!
- Homer: Son, you can do anything you want. I have total faith in you.
- Bart: Since when?
- Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
- Homer: Hey, everybody, let's hear it for Bart!
- [Homer walks off. The other players surround Bart.]
- Bart: [weakly] Give me a B?
- Nelson: I won't give you a B, but I'll tear you a new A.
- Milhouse: If I wasn't your friend, I'd tell you you sucked.
- [Homer decides to treat Bart nicer after telling him to run laps.]
- Homer: Quit running, son! I just want to give you a big hug!
- Bart: [thinking] It's got to be a trick. Run like the wind!
- [Bart runs away. Homer chases after him.]
- Homer: I believe in you! Hug meeee!
- Nelson: [after running to catch his own long ball] I gotta quit smoking.
- Hank Hill: [after Springfield's 28-3 defeat of Arlen] We drove 2,000 miles for this?
- Mr. Muntz: Great game, son. Come on, I'm taking you to Hooters.
- Nelson: Aw, I don't want to bother mom at work.
- Homer: I'm feeling kind of low, Apu. Got any of that beer that has candy floatin' in it? You know, Skittlebrau?
- Apu: Such a product does not exist, sir. I think you must have dreamed it.
- Homer: Oh. Well, then just give me a six-pack and a couple of bags of Skittles.
- Homer: [to Bart] I wanna apologise. I just got so caught up trying to encourage you, I was blinded to your stinky performance. If you forgive me, I promise you I'll never encourage you again.
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