Natural Born Kissers/Quotes
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203
"Natural Born Kissers"
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- [Bart and Lisa are in the backyard using Grampa's metal detector.]
- Lisa: What are we looking for, anyway?
- Bart: Pirate booty! What else?
- [Bart starts daydreaming about pirates burying treasure on a desert island.]
- Captain: Arrrr! Now we bury the treasure!
- Sissy Pirate: Uh, Captain? Captain, I know we usually bury the treasure, but what if this time, we use it to buy things? You know, uh, things we like.
- [The captain shoots him, then looks at the other pirates, who start digging furiously in the sand.]
- Captain: Arrrr! We'll dig up the treasure in seven yarrr! I've drawn a map on this cracker, which Polly will hold for safe keepin'!
- [A parrot on the captain's shoulder takes the cracker in its beak, then looks around nervously.]
- [Back to reality.]
- Bart: So you see, there's treasure everywhere!
- [Everyone at the stadium sees Homer and Marge nude.]
- Homer: [mockingly] Take a picture. It'll last longer.
- [Everyone starts taking pictures.]
- Homer: Aww, why did it have to be World Camera Day?
- Marge: This is so naughty, coming back to our old love nest!
- Homer: It hasn't changed since that magical evening when I knocked you up.
- Marge: We sure drank a lot that night.
- Homer: Yeah, I was afraid Bart would be born a dimwit! Hahaha!
- Marge: Heh, heh, mmm... yeah.
- [People are wondering what's in the windmill.]
- Moe: Who cares what it is? Let's monoxide it.
- [He sticks a hose connected to a car gas tank into the windmill.]
- Homer: Oh, why are people always trying to kill me?
- Lisa: Wow! An alternate ending to "Casablanca." Bart, this could be priceless!
- Bart: Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind of priceless?
- Homer: Hello, everybody.
- Bart: Hey, you're back. Did you 'Rock the Casbah?'
- Homer: Bart!... Yes.
- Bart: Whoa! Excellent haul!
- Lisa: But it's all trash.
- Bart: Exactly. Now there's nothing left out there but treasure.
- Homer: Now they did say bed and breakfast, right?
- Carl: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?
- Lenny: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!
- Homer: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.
- Carl: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?
- Lenny: Can I come?
- Homer: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.
- Bart: Okay, here's the deal. Crowns and doubloons are mine, snuff boxes and cameos are yours. Now, as for wands and scepters...
- Lisa: It's a bottle cap.
- Bart: Jewel-encrusted?
- Farmer: If somebody's in here, you're in for some serious ass forkin'!
- Abe: That's my brass knee! Steel hip! That one's news to me!
- Marge: Aww, look, Homie, our wedding cake!
- Homer: You mean there's been cake in our freezer for eleven years? Why was I not informed?
- Homer: Hey, look what was in here! A program from that guy's funeral.
- Marge: You mean Frank Grimes?
- Homer: Yeah! Yeah! Whatever happened to that guy?
- Homer: Right now I'm drunk on love... and beer.
- Marge: When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refrigerator motor?
- Homer: Naw, I never thought I'd live this long.
- Sideshow Mel: Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!
- Gil: They stole the balloon! I've been living in there!
- [Homer and Marge are trapped inside a mini-golf obstacle.]
- Maude: Rod, you've got small girlish hands, reach in and fish it out!
- Marge: A hand!
- Homer: Eeee!
- [Homer whacks Rod.]
- Rod: Ooow, daddy, something attacked me!
- Carl: How d'you do ma'am.
- Lenny: Hope this evening finds you well.
- Marge: Oh knock it off you perverts.
- Bart: What's with the love thang?
- Marge: Let's just say the country air did us good.
- [An audience cheers and wolf whistles.]
- Homer: Bart, I told you not to leave that TV on.
- [Audience says "Wuh ooh!"]
- [Santa's Little Helper walks into the bedroom.]
- Homer: Look who's here!
- Marge: Oooh! Who's a good boy?
- Homer: He's the best boy!
- Marge: Oh yes, he is, yes, he is!
- [The dog exits.]
- Homer: Hey Marge, wasn't that great when the dog came in here?
- Marge: Oh yeah, he's really special!
- Homer: I love that dog!
- Marge: I love him too. Good night.
- Homer: Good night.
- [Bart, Lisa and Grampa watch the countdown at the start of the alternate ending to Casablanca.]
- Grampa: Here comes two!
- Homer: [flying hot air balloon] Okay, I think I've figured this thing out. You can go up and down, but not side-to-side, or... back in time.
- Chief Wiggum: Boy, I'll tell you, they only come out at night... or, in this case, the day.
- Marge: Whatever happened to Grampa? He was supposed to baby-sit.
- [Cut to Grampa in the Flanders' house watching Rod and Todd play checkers.]
- Grampa: [to Rod] Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.
- Rod: I'm not Bart, I'm Rod Flanders.
- Grampa: There you go with that smart mouth! [to Todd] Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.
- Todd: Yes, sir!
- Maude: And they are running around like the day God made them.
- Helen: Oh, no--
- Moe: [imitating Helen] Oh, please think of the children.
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