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Lisa the Skeptic/Quotes

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Season 9 Episode Quotes
185 "The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons"
"Lisa the Skeptic"
"Realty Bites" 187

Eddie: So, the hook is baited, huh?
Lou: Heh. Nice metaphor, Eddie.
Chief Wiggum: Yeah, good work, Eddie.

Bart: Dad? Why aren't you saying anything? Where's our motorboat?
Homer: I didn't like it. The mast had termites.
Lisa: Why would a motorboat have a mast?
Homer: Because! The thing, it was... shut up.

Marge: Whoo! There's that new mega-mall they're building. They say the air conditioner will be more powerful than a million hydrogen bombs.

Lisa: Principal Skinner, remember how I didn't sue when I found that scorpion in my applesauce? Well, I'm calling in a favor.
Principal Skinner: Hmm. I knew this day would come.

Ralph Wiggum: Princeskipper Skipple! Prinnipple Skimsker! I found something! It's a spearhead!
Miss Hoover: That's your trowel blade, Ralph. It fell off the handle.
Ralph: And I found it!

Lisa: It could be anything. It could be a mutant from the nuclear plant.
Mr. Burns: Oh, fiddle-faddle. Everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oops. I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
Waylon Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr. Burns: Precisely. And be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you're finished.

Lisa: Dad, it's not fair to claim this thing is an angel. There's no proof of that.
Homer: No one's calling it an angel, Lisa. If you'll look carefully, you'll notice I never once used the word "angel".
Lisa: What about that sign right there?
Homer: That's a typo.

Lisa: Oh, thank you so much! Uhm... you know I can't afford to pay you.
Stephen Jay Gould: I didn't become a scientist for financial gain. Whatever little money you have will be just fine.

Carl Carlson: I say it's the Angel of Peace, ya idiot!
Lenny Leonard: And I say it's the Angel of Mercy, you jerk!

Kent Brockman: Miss Simpson, how can you maintain your skepticism in spite of the fact that this thing really, really looks like an angel?
Lisa: I just think it's a fantasy. If you believe in angels, then why not unicorns, or sea monsters, or leprechauns?
Kent Brockman: Oh, that's a bunch of baloney, Lisa. Everyone knows leprechauns are extinct.

Homer: Oh, no! This can't be happening! What the hell are we gonna do with ten thousand angel ashtrays?
Bart: I could take up smoking.
Homer: You damn well better!

Ralph: I'm scared, Daddy. Too scared to even wet my pants.
Chief Wiggum: It's okay, son. Just relax and it'll come.

Lisa: Wait a second! You planted a phony skeleton for me to find! This was all a big hoax.
Sid: Not a hoax. A publicity stunt!
Lisa: You exploited people's deepest beliefs just to hawk your cheesy wares?! Well, we are outraged! Aren't we?!
Chief Wiggum: Oh, oh yeah, yeah, we're outraged. Very, uh... Very much so... But look at all the stores! A Pottery Barn!
Season 9 Quotes
The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson The Principal and the Pauper Lisa's Sax Treehouse of Horror VIII The Cartridge Family Bart Star The Two Mrs. Nahasapeemapetilons Lisa the Skeptic Realty Bites Miracle on Evergreen Terrace All Singing, All Dancing Bart Carny The Joy of Sect Das Bus The Last Temptation of Krust Dumbbell Indemnity Lisa the Simpson This Little Wiggy Simpson Tide The Trouble with Trillions Girly Edition Trash of the Titans King of the Hill Lost Our Lisa Natural Born Kissers