• Wikisimpsons needs more Featured Article, Picture, Quote, Episode and Comprehensive article nominations!
  • Wikisimpsons has a Discord server! Click here for your invite! Join to talk about the wiki, Simpsons and Tapped Out news, or just to talk to other users.
  • Make an account! It's easy, free, and your work on the wiki can be attributed to you.
TwitterFacebookDiscord

From Beer to Paternity/Quotes

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki


Season 34 Episode Quotes
734 "Treehouse of Horror XXXIII"
735
"From Beer to Paternity"
"Step Brother from the Same Planet" 736


Announcer: Attention, Duff Nation. We need you to choose our new mascot by voting in our first ever Duff Election. The candidates are: Hops and Barley, lady brewologists who don't even know they're pretty. Woketopus, the most open-minded mollusk on the block. Dame Helen Mirren.
Helen Mirren: I'm sorry, what is this for?
Announcer: And I guess we're open to keeping Duffman. Vote today. Democracy needs you, and so do we.

Moe Szyslak: They can't get rid of Duffman. What's next, tear down the Oregon Trail? Disintegrate the Lincoln Memorial? Impeach Santy Claus? I got a notebook full of examples here.

Homer: Duffman was there when I had my first beer at 13, and I want him to be there when I have my last beer at 54.

Carl Carlson: Everyone, everyone. The latest numbers are in.
Homer: Aw, man, he's tied for last place with some loser named [heavy accent] "No Mascot; Just Logo."

Homer: Marge, did you sleep with Duffman?
Marge: No.
Homer: Why not?

Lisa: The explanation is he's a jerk, and I hope he loses.
Homer: [gasps] Lisa, you wash your mouth out with beer.
Bart: I hope he loses, too. Beer, please.

Duffman: The thing is, I really do have a daughter, okay? Her name is Amber. She's named after my favorite beverage color, but now she's 30 years old, and she won't talk to me.

Duffman: Gah, your daughter is so bright and confident.
Homer: She is.
Duffman: So, you must've taught her so much.
Homer: I guess I did.
Duffman: You must be the greatest girl dad i-in the world.
Homer: I must be!

Duffman: [on phone] Amber, I was just wondering, um, could I maybe drive up there to see you sometime? Uh, this weekend, maybe? [to the group] She said, "I guess."

Homer: Lisa! Lisa, you're coming with me and Duffman on a road trip to Glendon Falls.
Lisa: What? [yawns] Why would I want to do that?
Homer: Hmm. Marge, why would Lisa want to go to Glendon Falls with me and Duffman?

Homer: Man, I can't believe I'm on a road trip with my hero.
Duffman: Wow, your little daughter's your hero? That's so sweet.
Homer: And that's exactly who I was referring to.

Duffman: Said she never wanted to talk to me again, and I guess I just believed her.
Homer: Yes, believe women.
Lisa: No, she was a kid. She didn't mean it.
Homer: Yes, believe Lisa.

Homer: [over announcement] Attention, everyone, Duffman is sitting all by himself in Hallway B. Please just go say hi to him. He really needs this. And, uh, don't listen to this if you're him.

Renata: I can unlock a lot of things for Duffman, but not this museum.

Homer: Come on, you got to say something.
Lisa: Something.

Amber Duffman: I can't believe you're here because I don't know you, and I did not invite you.
Homer: Oh, what an odd thing to say.

Homer: If I know Duffman, and I briefly did, nothing was more important to him than seeing you. He was so excited.
Amber Duffman: Really? As excited as he was to miss every dance recital, every graduation, every art show?
Homer: No. More.

Duffman: I'm sorry, Colleen, but if this teaches you anything, it's that you should work on your relationship with your dad.
Colleen: [scoffs] I have a great relationship with my dad. I just also like bikinis and parties, you jerk.

Duffman: So, the chick magnet is also a daughter magnet, I get it now. All chicks are somebody's daughter.
Lisa: No. Uh-uh.
Amber Duffman: Yeah, try again.
Duffman: Some chicks are guys, and that's okay.
Lisa: Mm... Mm-mm.

Duffman: Oh, yeah. If any of my other estranged daughters are watching, hit me up.
Amber Duffman: Wait, your what?
Season 34 Quotes
Habeas Tortoise One Angry Lisa Lisa the Boy Scout The King of Nice Not It Treehouse of Horror XXXIII From Beer to Paternity Step Brother from the Same Planet When Nelson Met Lisa Game Done Changed Top Goon My Life as a Vlog The Many Saints of Springfield Carl Carlson Rides Again Bartless Hostile Kirk Place Pin Gal Fan-ily Feud Write Off This Episode The Very Hungry Caterpillars Clown V. Board of Education Homer's Adventures Through the Windshield Glass