Gorgeous Grampa/Quotes
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- Homer: We're gonna get rich off the poor and forgetful! And dead people.
- Marge: We spent a thousand dollars on a bunch of old boxes?
- Homer: You won't be laughing when these boxes are full of priceless treasures.
- Marge: I wasn't laughing—I was being worried.
- Marge: I think your dad might be gay.
- Homer: That's insane! My dad was married to a woman... who left him... because he ignored her needs for decades. [realizing moans] My gay dad is gay for gays.
- Marge: Your dad's been in the closet for so long, he probably doesn't know how tolerant society's become. They even had a gay float in the Pride Parade last year.
- Homer: My dad's always been so angry. Maybe if we help him be who he is, he'll finally be happy.
- Marge: Oh Homie, you're so... enlightened.
- Homer: Yeah. Gay rights are human rights, baby.
- Marge: Your father wasted his whole life being married to your mother and having you. We've got to find him a boyfriend before it's too late!
- Lisa: Why don't you put a personal ad on the internet? That's how young people date these days.
- Bart: It's weird that you don't consider yourself a young person.
- Lisa: I know. It's weird to me too.
- Marge: Don't you want to be happy, Abe? Admit who you are, a wonderful gay man!
- Grampa: [splutters] What?! I don't ride side-saddle! I'm straight as a submarine!
- Marge: [sobs a little]
- Homer: What's wrong?
- Marge: I so wanted him to be gay.
- Grampa: On V.E. Day, I kissed a man by mistake.
- Marge: Thank you.
- Bart: Grampa, you were the original bad boy!
- Grampa: Yeah, I was boastful before all your football show-boaters, rap music-ers, and TV beach Italians. But there was a downside to being hated... being hated.
- Mr. Burns: Excellent. So we'll take the boy and make a night of it.
- Homer: I don't know. Should I really let the men who ruined my past and present hang out with the kid who's going to ruin my future?
- Bart: I'll bring you home my dessert.
- Homer: Text me the choices.
- Bart: I can't wait to see Grampa kick some ass! He's always pretended to be boring, but he's really a straight-up psycho!
- Marge: Your grandfather is not psycho! The only thing he's "straight-up" is loves you.
- Lisa: "Gorilla Joe," "Gorilla Sam," "Gorilla Pete," "Ook and Eek, the Gorilla Twins"... Where did Mr. Burns dig up all these old wrestlers?
- Homer: Apparently, old folks homes are full of people that used to be things. Just like you and me. Swear to God.
- Lisa: Why do you think bad guys are so cool?
- Bart: Why do you still have a thing for Nelson?
- Lisa: Do not. That's ridiculous—It's just—It's that—He's-- He's a rebel and only I can change him!
- Kirk Van Houten: Hey Simpson, tell your kid to quit showboating!
- Sideshow Mel: I've never seen anyone so full of self-regard! And I've worked with Bob Balaban!
- Marge: Your behavior at that game was unacceptable! You're lucky they gave you your participant trophy.
- Lisa: I got one for just watching the game.
- Homer: How are you a winner? You're cheating in a fake sport!
- Mr. Burns: Fake? Ridiculous! If professional wrestling were fake...that would make every fan in the history of the sport a complete and utter moron.
- Marge: I don't care if Bart is a wrestler, a busboy, or even a stoplight squeegee man... as long as he's a nice person. But if he gets too much attention for acting bad, he might turn bad on the inside...
- Grampa: Eh, that's women-talk. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to comb out my curls. One, two, three...
- Grampa: I ain't a heel no more—I'm a good guy... and you're a baby-face.
- Bart: But, but, what about the cheating?
- Grampa: No more cheating.
- Bart: And the preening?
- Grampa: No more preening.
- Bart: But I'm so pretty.
- Grampa: That's for others to say now.
- Mr. Burns: How dare you! I wrote a song for you! When am I ever going to use that again? Curse you and this morbidly obese little half-wit.
- Bart: They're cheering, Grampa.
- Grampa: This is what I've been missing my whole life.
- Marge: Oh, that was so sweet.
- Homer: I wish Grampa was my dad.
