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The Seemingly Never-Ending Story/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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369
"The Seemingly Never-Ending Story"
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- Homer: Our god made their god.
- Homer: Save me, Tsisnajini!
- Lisa: Mad beast!
- Burns: Liberal midget!
- Rich Texan: [after the Rich Texan douses Mr. Burns' head with crude oil] Back in Houston, we call that a "Fort Worth Shampoo"!
- Rich Texan: [emerging from the shadows holding a revolver] I'll take the gold iffin' ya please!
- Marge: How can you take it? We haven't even found it.
- Rich Texan: It's right behind the rock on the left. No, your left. "Texas" Left, which is your down.
- [Marge holds up the bag.]
- Rich Texan: I'll take the gold iffin' ya please!
- Burns: [emerging from behind a thin stalactite holding a derringer] Not so fast, Shady Bird Johnson! I'll take that gold!
- Moe: [emerging from the shadows holding a baseball bat] Yeah, y'all take the gold and then you'll give it to me if ya know what's good for ya.
- [Burns and the Rich Texan aim their guns at Moe.]
- Moe: [nervous] You guys got guns? [retreats to the shadows] Uh, yeah, me too. [makes the sound of cocking a shotgun] Huh? Huh?
- Snake: Coolest entrance gets the gold! [goes down a rope like James Bond] I hope it's okay that I brought my son. Today's my day with him. [points to Bart] Look, Jeremy. There's a boy you can play with.
- Jeremy: [to Bart] You like Xbox?
- Burns: I had to start up from the bottom to get my fortune back. And to get to the bottom, I had to work my way up from Moe's.
- Rich Texan: YEE-HAW! I'm gonna win me a nuclear plant!
- Mr. Burns: Dream on, bitch.
- Carl: [to Burns] Hey barboy, write a play where I meet Henry Ford and Captain Kirk!
- Rich Texan: YEE-HAW! Moe can't catch a break! 1-2-3-4! Can't catch a break! 1-2-3-4! Can't catch a break!
- Rich Texan: Howdy! What's your business, boy?!
- Burns: Nuclear power. I make money using my brain, not sticking a pole in the ground and praying for goo.
- Rich Texan: [after Burns gives him the gold] Okay. I'll give you back all your worldly possessions, exceptin' this here nu-clear plant, until you give me a picture of yourself with a smilin' child!
- Burns: What the hell could that possibly mean to you?
- Rich Texan: I'm obsessive compulsive! [firing his pistols] Ye-haw! [tapping his foot] 1-2-3-4! [firing his pistols]Ye-haw! [tapping his foot] 1-2-3-4! [firing his pistols] Ye-haw! [tapping his foot] 1-2-3-4! [firing his pistols] Ye-haw! :[tapping his foot] 1-2-3-4!
- Moe: [retelling the story of his tragic romance with Edna] I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe.'
- Moe: Fate gave me an awful dilemma — should I rob the guy or rob him and kill him?
- Moe: [telling his story] I knew that in order to keep Edna, I'd have to get rid of the human garbage otherwise known as "my friends".
- [Throws out Barney, then Lenny and Carl, then Barney again, then Homer, then gets ready to throw out Barney again.]
- Moe: Barney, how do you keep getting back in here?
- Barney: I'm a drunk. I don't know nothin' 'bout how I do anything.
- [Moe throws Barney out again and then Barney is back in the bar, behind Moe.]
- Moe: [to Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl] Listen Boozebags! I got a good thing going here. If you mess it up I will out the one of you who is gay!
- [The drunks then run off in a flamboyant fashion.]
- Moe: [to Edna] Now, where were we? [they resume kissing]
- Snake: I've been robbed! I'll take my revenge on society... by which I mean convenience stores! And who would suspect me, Professor Jailbird!
- Moe: I didn't want the gold, so I just kept playing our song on the jukebox one...
- Burns: [reading letter] ...one gold coin at a time. [looks at jukebox] Oh, you poor man. You're about to get poorer.
- Burns: [voice over] I steamed open the letter using Moe's cappuccino machine.
- Moe: [in letter] If you are reading this, I am dead and I shall tell you the story about my treasure.
- Burns: [reading letter] Treasure?!
- Lisa: [in flashback] Treasure?!
- Homer: Moe has a cappuccino machine?!
- Professor Snake Jailbird: So, I'm excavating this Mayan pyramid and I came across these coins and I was all like "Could you be any more pre-Columbian?"
- Burns: [voiceover] At 5.15 an hour, I knew it would take an eternity to get my fortune back. And Fica wasn't helping! But for once, things went my way!
- Skinner: [after hearing Bart's story/excuse] Bart, that story is the biggest load of cra...bappel?!? Making out with Moe?!? [he sees Moe and Edna making out outside his office window]
- Keypad to Safe Room: Enter password.
- Burns: Dammit I forget.
- Keypad: Forgot password? Enter place of birth.
- Burns: Pangaea.
- Keypad: Correct. Your password has been emailed to you.
- Burns: D'oh.
- Martin: [attached to a kite being flown by Nelson] Lab partners don't treat lab partners like this!
- Nelson: Shut up and attract lightning!
- Homer: Wait a minute. You're telling Moe's story in Burns' story in your story?
- Lisa: Yes, dad. It's like a play inside of a play, like Hamlet.
- [Homer looks at her puzzled.]
- Lisa: Fine, it's like you watching a home movie of you watching TV.
- Homer: [understanding] Oh yeah.
- Homer: [after falling down the hole in the cave] I'm stuck, and I have to pee! [a few seconds later] Now I'm just stuck.
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