Whacking Day/Quotes
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- Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!"
- Kent Brockman: But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10 local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss.
- [Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]
- Nixon: "Is Whacking Day over? [everyone boos] Thank you. Thanks for coming out."
- Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
- Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
- Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
- Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.
- Barney: [whacking invisible snakes] Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
- Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
- Barney: What's Whacking Day?
- Ralph: What's a battle?
- Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
- Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
- Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
- Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
- Reverend Lovejoy: [reading from the Bible] And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. [long pause] So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day.
- Lisa: Lemme see that.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [puts the bible behind him] Mmmmmmm, no.
- Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
- Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun.
- Nelson: I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back.
- Milhouse: Yes, sir.
- Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
- Oh Whacking Day!
- Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
- Boy: We'll break their backs
- Gouge out their eyes
- Their evil hearts we'll pulverize!
- Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
- Oh Whacking Day!
- May God bestow His grace on thee.
- Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?
- Lisa: I learned how many grams in a pennyweight.
- Bart: I got expelled.
- Homer: That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!?
- Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.
- Bart: A book!? Pfffft.
- Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.
- Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"?
- [after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]
- Principal Skinner: We give them their bikes, no one sues. [laughs nervously]
- Willie: [laughs] What if they're dead, sir?
- Principal Skinnger: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
- Wille: Freedom! [laughs, then under his breath] Yeah, I'll turn you in at the first toll booth.
- Nelson: Imagine...a school out there with no bullies.
- Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.
- Nelson: I can't take it!
