Difference between revisions of "Flaming Moe/Quotes"

Revision as of 11:54, August 25, 2014

Homer: "Oh, no! I left a candy bar in my desk!"

Late shift worker: "That's funny, 'cause I found this candy bar in my desk!" [eats the candy bar]

Homer: [angry, balling his fists] "Time to punch in!"

[Homer hits his late-shift counterpart, and a brawl quickly ensues.]

Smithers: "Sir, the shifts are fighting like Iran and Iraq!"

Mr. Burns: "Who?"

Smithers: "Persia and Mesopotamia."

Smithers: "Sir, is that your will?"

Mr. Burns: "It is. I know it's hard to see a young buck like me and think of a day when I'm no longer in the pink."

[Mr. Burns sneezes, and the top of his skull flips open to reveal his brain. He quickly flips it closed.]

[After his half hour of lucidity passes, Mr. Burns is riding on his lawyer's back, pretending he is riding a dinosaur. Homer walks into the room.]

Homer: "Aaagghhh! A dinosaur!" [Runs out of the room screaming]

[After Mr. Burns refuses to let Smithers see his will, Smithers sneaks into the office and has a look at it.]

Smithers [reading Burns' will aloud]: "I, C. Montgomery Burns, hereby divide my estate and shares between the University Department of Applied Evil, Gary from Gary's Trap-Door Installation & Repair and finally, to my constant companion ..."

[Cut to Smithers confronting Mr. Burns.]

Smithers: [indignant] "Your tortoise?!"

[Disappointed at learning he's been left out of Mr. Burns' will, Smithers decides to console himself by visiting Springfield's gay nightclub, The League of Extra-Horny Gentlemen.]

Smithers: "Here's a place I can feel wanted."

[He gets in line outside the bar, where a doorman next to a velvet rope is screening who gets to go inside.]

Doorman: "You with the six-pack, you're in." [He moves on to the next man in line.]

"You with the Ben Affleck chin and the Matt Damon everything else, guess what. You're in."

[The doorman admits the next three men in line.] "In. In. In."

[To a man in a pink outfit] "Aahh." [The doorman smiles. Smithers arrives at the head of the line.]

Doorman: [to Smithers] "In your dreams."

Smithers: "Oh, c'mon, I've had a rough day."

Doorman: "With the buzz cut and the bow tie? This is a nightclub, not a John F. Kennedy cabinet meeting."

[Rejected from the League of Extra-Horny Gentlemen, Smithers goes to Moe's.]

Smithers: "Can I have a scotch and water?"

Moe: "My scotch is a scotch and water."

[Smithers tries to persuade a group of Springfield's average-looking homosexuals to visit Moe's Tavern.]

Grady: "Eeewww! Isn't that the place where all those rats committed suicide?"

[At the made-over Mo's, Homer bumps into a Comic Book Guy look-a-like.]

Homer: Hey, I didn't know you were ... urgh ... you know ... one of those ..."

Comic Book Gay: "I am not Comic Book Guy. I am his cousin, Comic Book Gay."

Homer: "But you do like comic books?"

Comic Book Gay: "A certain kind."

Moe: [after kissing Smithers] "Not bad. Like Frisbee Golf, I'm glad I tried it once."

[After Principal Skinner runs off with his new girlfriend, Superintendent Chalmers appoints a new principal.]

Chalmers: "Willie, you're the new principal."

Groundskeeper Willie: "Who's the new groundskeeper?"

Chalmers: "Also you. And you don't get more money."