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Homer Scissorhands/Quotes

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Season 22 Episode Quotes
483 "The Real Housewives of Fat Tony"
"Homer Scissorhands"
"500 Keys" 485

Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born!
Bart: I already do! It's too close to Christmas!

Selma: I can't believe I'm saying this... Homer Simpson, do me.

Milhouse: Something happened last night. Something that really changed me. My mom put in the Finding Nemo DVD, but then she got a phone call... So I started it myself. Did you know it has a chapter before chapter two? A chapter where we meet Nemo's mother...
Bart: Nemo doesn't have a mother.
Milhouse: Not after Chapter One he doesn't. If death can happen to a fish, it can happen to anyone.

Lindsey Naegle: I hear this is the home of Springfield's hottest hairdresser. I need a haircut—and I need it in three, two, one, now!
Homer: Lady, I'm not a hairdresser—I just put a new lid on a couple of trashcans.

Homer: Just call me "Homer Fingerhands."
Marge: I'd rather call you by your normal name, if that's okay.

Taffy: I thought that was beautiful.
Milhouse: You did?
Taffy: Yeah! It was romantic and it rhymed.
Milhouse: Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, but it only gives you options. The job of the poet is to say, "This one, I guess."

Bart: This dame is really into you!
Milhouse: She sure is. This morning I got to second base... on our walk around the softball diamond.

Homer: Stop that. Okay, okay. You win. I'll teach you how to make love to your wife!
Chief Wiggum: What? No! Just cut her hair!

Lisa: I just want to know what she's up to with Milhouse. A girl like her could get a fifth grader—maybe even Kyle LoBianco!
Bart: I hear he goes to California on his vacations.
Lisa: That's the first thing everyone knows about Kyle LoBianco!

Lisa: All right, sister. What's your game?
Hans Moleman: We're just trying to put our relationship back together.
Lunchlady Dora: In the sack he's Salisbury steak, everywhere else creamed corn.

Milhouse: Can't you leave me alone? We're over.
Taffy: You're not over, you never were! Milhouse, you're a great guy. But we're not gonna work out for one reason.
Milhouse: Is it 'cause when I wore cuffed pants they filled up with leaves?
Taffy: That wasn't a great day for us, but... it's because you'll always be in love with her.

Milhouse: You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else... how miserable do I have to be before you're happy?

Sideshow Mel: [calling out guests names] Mr. Discothèque Stuart, unaccompanied!
Disco Stu: My girlfriend isn't feeling well tonight.
Sideshow Mel: Krusty the Clown and Disco Stu's girlfriend!

Julio: Okay, first five customers get a discount. Next five hear secrets about the first five. Come on, get in line.
Season 22 Quotes
Elementary School Musical Loan-a Lisa MoneyBart Treehouse of Horror XXI Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life The Fool Monty How Munched Is That Birdie in the Window? The Fight Before Christmas Donnie Fatso Moms I'd Like to Forget Flaming Moe Homer the Father The Blue and the Gray Angry Dad: The Movie The Scorpion's Tale A Midsummer's Nice Dreams Love Is a Many-Strangled Thing The Great Simpsina The Real Housewives of Fat Tony Homer Scissorhands 500 Keys The Ned-liest Catch