Homer Scissorhands/Quotes
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- Lisa: You're gonna regret the day you were born!
- Bart: I already do! It's too close to Christmas!
- Selma: I can't believe I'm saying this... Homer Simpson, do me.
- Milhouse: Something happened last night. Something that really changed me. My mom put in the Finding Nemo DVD, but then she got a phone call... So I started it myself. Did you know it has a chapter before chapter two? A chapter where we meet Nemo's mother...
- Bart: Nemo doesn't have a mother.
- Milhouse: Not after Chapter One he doesn't. If death can happen to a fish, it can happen to anyone.
- Lindsey Naegle: I hear this is the home of Springfield's hottest hairdresser. I need a haircut—and I need it in three, two, one, now!
- Homer: Lady, I'm not a hairdresser—I just put a new lid on a couple of trashcans.
- Homer: Just call me "Homer Fingerhands."
- Marge: I'd rather call you by your normal name, if that's okay.
- Taffy: I thought that was beautiful.
- Milhouse: You did?
- Taffy: Yeah! It was romantic and it rhymed.
- Milhouse: Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, but it only gives you options. The job of the poet is to say, "This one, I guess."
- Bart: This dame is really into you!
- Milhouse: She sure is. This morning I got to second base... on our walk around the softball diamond.
- Homer: Stop that. Okay, okay. You win. I'll teach you how to make love to your wife!
- Chief Wiggum: What? No! Just cut her hair!
- Lisa: I just want to know what she's up to with Milhouse. A girl like her could get a fifth grader—maybe even Kyle LoBianco!
- Bart: I hear he goes to California on his vacations.
- Lisa: That's the first thing everyone knows about Kyle LoBianco!
- Lisa: All right, sister. What's your game?
- Hans Moleman: We're just trying to put our relationship back together.
- Lunchlady Dora: In the sack he's Salisbury steak, everywhere else creamed corn.
- Milhouse: Can't you leave me alone? We're over.
- Taffy: You're not over, you never were! Milhouse, you're a great guy. But we're not gonna work out for one reason.
- Milhouse: Is it 'cause when I wore cuffed pants they filled up with leaves?
- Taffy: That wasn't a great day for us, but... it's because you'll always be in love with her.
- Milhouse: You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else... how miserable do I have to be before you're happy?
- Sideshow Mel: [calling out guests names] Mr. Discothèque Stuart, unaccompanied!
- Disco Stu: My girlfriend isn't feeling well tonight.
- Sideshow Mel: Krusty the Clown and Disco Stu's girlfriend!
- Julio Franco: Okay, first five customers get a discount. Next five hear secrets about the first five. Come on, get in line.
