Difference between revisions of "The Italian Bob/Quotes"

Revision as of 14:43, May 9, 2021

Martin: A new car? May I suggest an Oldsmobile?

[Silence.]

Nelson: Mr. Burns sucks!

[Everyone laughs.]

Homer: You're sending me to Italy?

Burns: Yes.

Homer: Can I take my family?

Burns: Sure.

Homer: Do I have to hang out with them?

Burns: It would be nice.

[Homer groans.]

Homer: Why can't you people learn to speak my language? I learned to eat your food!

Homer: [sees a man in first class on the plane] Hey, that man has a TV in his seat. I wonder what I got.

[Rips off the top of the armrest.]

Homer: Oh, just a bunch of stupid wires.

[Homer rips off some of the wires and one of the engines falls off, landing in Cletus' front yard.]

Cletus: Hey, Brandine! The kids just gots themselves a new playpen!

Brandine: Cletus, you're the most wonderful husband and son I ever had.

Bart: [at the airport] What's up with the Canadian sticker on your backpack?

Lisa: Well, some people in Europe think that America has made some stupid choices for the past, oh, five years. So for the next week, I'm from Canada.

Bart: Uh, I think Dad may blow your cover.

Homer: [pushing through the crowd] That flag is mine! [takes an American flag off the conveyor belt and stands on top of suitcases, waving the flag around] Don't mess with Texas! Shock and awe, losers! Shock and awe!

Marge: Excuse me, Mr. Mayor. They say you speak English.

Man behind chair: Indeed I do.

[Man turns around to reveal that he is Sideshow Bob.]

Simpsons: Sideshow Bob!

Bob: The Simpsons!

[They all scream.]

Homer: Yes, tell us your story. But it better have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

Woman crushing grapes: Mi arrendo. Questo è troppo difficile.

Man crushing grapes: Piedini.

[Homer gestures like Mussolini on the balcony]

Lisa: [whispering] Dad, don't act like Mussolini.

Homer: Ooh, I thought I was doing Donald Trump.

Bob: This is my bride, Francesca, and my son, Gino.

Homer: Holy moley! I always thought that you were, you know, out loud and proud.

Bob: Well, I experimented in college as one does.

Homer: Yeah. I never went to college.

Bob: [sarcastically] Stop the presses.

Marge: [to Francesca] Hello. I'm Marge. This is my husband, Homer, my daughters, Lisa and Maggie, and my son, Bart Simpson.

Francesca: Bart Simpson? The name Roberto cries when he has the bad dream?

Gino: [making stabbing motions with his hand] Bart Simpson! Bart Simpson! Bart Simpson! I make-a like my daddy!

Bob: We are here to honor my old friends, the Simpsons. Tomorrow they return to America, taking with them my gratitude, my friendship, and my heartfelt wish that they never return.

Marge: [looking in an Italian to English Dictionary] Vendetta means...vendetta! [all the Simpsons scream]

Marge: Boy, that Sideshow Bob goes from zero to murder awfully fast.

Bart: At least this time it was Lisa who ruined Bob's life.

Lisa: [groaning] Oh, I feel so sick!

Homer: [chuckle] It's called a hangover, sweetie. And it's an unavoidable part of life.

Bart: Please help us, Krusty. We don't want to be the first Christians to die at the Colosseum!

Marge: Here's a cute fact. This sausage shop has been grinding the same family of pigs for six hundred years.

Butcher: Sono abitato dai fantasmi di diecimila maiali morti.

Francesca: Oh, he makes love like a man who just got out of jail.

Lisa: Hey, Krusty's in an opera here in Rome! He can save our lives! Come on, let's go!

Homer: [groans] Opera? They have that here too?

Lisa: You have to help us! Sideshow Bob has sworn a vendetta against us!

Krusty: Vendetta? What's that, an Italian vending machine? [the Simpsons stare at him for a few seconds before Krusty bursts into tears] Aw! That's my opening joke! And my closer, and my saver, and my topper!

Krusty: Put on these costumes and mix in with the crowd scenes. He won't kill you in front of all those witnesses!

Homer: Can I be the Phantom of the Opera?

Lisa: Dad, the Phantom isn't in this.

Homer: But I do such a great impression of him! [turns around and turns back to them with his hand covering one of his eyes] Ooh, I am the gayest supervillain ever! Beware my scented candles! Ooh, scented!

Bob: I can't believe what that clown is doing to Leoncavallo! And they call me a murderer!

Bart: Krusty, you saved us!

Krusty: Yeah, well, I need someone to help me smuggle antiquities back to America. Take a piece and hide it on your person. Hide it well.

Lisa: [on an ancient Roman aqueduct; to Homer] Dad! You're driving on an ancient Roman aqueduct!

Homer: [to Lisa] Well, what am I supposed to do about it? Transport water from distant cities?

Homer: [about to drive off an end of an unfinished aqueduct] Lazy Romans!

Bob: [stomping grapes to the tune of "These Boots Are Made for Walking"] "These feet are made for stomping, and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these feet will make Chianti out of you!"

Marge: We're in a foreign city with no car, being stalked by a killer. I feel like I'm The Bourne Identity.

Krusty: [talking to the audience at the Colosseum] So, I had this beautiful tour guide, right? And I tell her "I want to see your Naples!" She slaps me! [he laughs but the audience is silent]

Man from audience: We call it "Napoli"!

Krusty: Yeah, well it sounds like you're all taking a Napoli! I know you're out there, I can hear you being greasy!

[in Venice, the Simpsons take a gondola ride]

Marge: Oh, Homie, isn't Venice romantic? This gondola ride was a wonderful idea!

Gondolier: [singing to the tune of That's Amore] When a wife looks like that and her husband's so fat, that's immoral. When she kisses that jerk while I do all the work, that's im...

Homer: Hey, knock it off!

Gondolier: Excusi, no speak-an English. [resumes singing] When that big tub of lard...

Bart: Dad, cheese truck!

[They scream.]

Lisa: [gasps] Mozzarella! Parmigiano! Provolone! Pecorino! Gorgonzola! Fontina! Taleggio! Bocconcini!

[Bocconcini drops onto the windshield.]

Lisa: [screaming] MORTADELLA!