Difference between revisions of "Whacking Day/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|The Front|Marge in Chains}} | |
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| − | + | {{qf|Evil Homer}} ''[singing conga-style]'' "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!" | |
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---- | ---- | ||
| − | + | {{qf|[[Kent Brockman]]}} But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father [[Jebediah Springfield]], every May 10 local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. ''[footage plays]'' After exposing {{W|Alger Hiss}}, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss. | |
:''[Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]'' | :''[Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{qf|{{Ch|Richard Nixon|Nixon}}}} "Is Whacking Day over? ''[everyone boos]'' Thank you. Thanks for coming out." | |
| − | {{ | + | ---- |
| − | [[ | + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you? |
| + | {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} If the snakes were in here we could protect them. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Barney]]}} ''[whacking invisible snakes]'' Snakes! Snakes everywhere! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} You gettin' ready for Whacking Day? | ||
| + | {{qf|Barney}} What's Whacking Day? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ralph]]}} What's a battle? | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Principal Skinner]]}} Hahahaha, let's go. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Superintendent Chalmers]]}} Did that boy say what's a battle? | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct. | ||
| + | {{qf|Superintendent Chalmers}} Hmm, it sounded like battle. | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} I've had a cold, so... | ||
| + | {{qf|Superintendent Chalmers}} Oh so you hear r's as b's? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} ''[reading from the Bible]'' And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. ''[long pause]'' So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Lemme see that. | ||
| + | {{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} ''[puts the bible behind him]'' Mmmmmmm, no. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish. | ||
| + | {{qf|Old Irishman}} 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Nelson]]}} I want you to keep filling your shirt with crud until I get back. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Milhouse]]}} Yes, sir. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Choir}} Oh Whacking Day! | ||
| + | :Oh Whacking Day! | ||
| + | :Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day! | ||
| + | {{qf|Boy}} We'll break their backs | ||
| + | :Gouge out their eyes | ||
| + | :Their evil hearts we'll pulverize! | ||
| + | {{qf|Choir}} Oh Whacking Day! | ||
| + | :Oh Whacking Day! | ||
| + | :May God bestow His grace on thee. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey, kids, how was school? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} I learned how many grams in a pennyweight. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} I got expelled. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} That's my boy! ''[sips his Duff beer]'' Mmm... beer... ''[realizes]'' What!? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} A book!? Pfffft. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident. | ||
| + | {{qf|Bart}} Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and [[Kearney]] are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinner}} We give them their bikes, no one sues. ''[laughs nervously]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Willie]]}} ''[laughs]'' What if they're dead, sir? | ||
| + | {{qf|Principal Skinnger}} Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom! | ||
| + | {{qf|Wille}} Freedom! ''[laughs, then under his breath]'' Yeah, I'll turn you in at the first toll booth. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Nelson}} Imagine...a school out there with no bullies. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Jimbo]]}} Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food. | ||
| + | {{qf|Nelson}} I can't take it! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{Season 4|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 04:23, October 16, 2021
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- Evil Homer: [singing conga-style] "I am evil Homer! I am evil Homer!"
- Kent Brockman: But first, a look at the local holiday that was called distasteful and puerile by a panel of hillbillies, Whacking Day! In a tradition that dates back to founding father Jebediah Springfield, every May 10 local residents gathered to drive snakes into the center of town and whack them to snake heaven. [footage plays] After exposing Alger Hiss, Honorary Grand Marshal Richard Nixon goes after another deadly hiss.
- [Nixon accidentally repeatedly strikes a person holding a snake down for him.]
- Nixon: "Is Whacking Day over? [everyone boos] Thank you. Thanks for coming out."
- Lisa: How can you people turn on snakes after all they've done for you?
- Grampa: I'm an old man, I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
- Lisa: If the snakes were in here we could protect them.
- Bart: According to this, snakes hear by sensing vibrations in the ground. So, if we put our stereo speakers on the ground and play something with a lot of bass, those snakes will be in here like Oprah on a baked ham.
- Barney: [whacking invisible snakes] Snakes! Snakes everywhere!
- Lenny: You gettin' ready for Whacking Day?
- Barney: What's Whacking Day?
- Ralph: What's a battle?
- Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, let's go.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
- Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
- Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
- Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so...
- Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
- Reverend Lovejoy: [reading from the Bible] And the Lord said, whack ye all the serpants which crawl on their bellies and thy town shall be a beacon unto others. [long pause] So you see Lisa, even God himself endorses Wacking Day.
- Lisa: Lemme see that.
- Reverend Lovejoy: [puts the bible behind him] Mmmmmmm, no.
- Bart: Ladies and gentlemen! Whacking Day is a sham! It was originally conceived in 1922 as an excuse to beat up on the Irish.
- Old Irishman: 'Tis true. I took many a lump, but 'twas all in fun.
- Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
- Oh Whacking Day!
- Our hallowed snake skull-cracking day!
- Boy: We'll break their backs
- Gouge out their eyes
- Their evil hearts we'll pulverize!
- Choir: Oh Whacking Day!
- Oh Whacking Day!
- May God bestow His grace on thee.
- Homer: Hey, kids, how was school?
- Lisa: I learned how many grams in a pennyweight.
- Bart: I got expelled.
- Homer: That's my boy! [sips his Duff beer] Mmm... beer... [realizes] What!?
- Marge: Bart, I'd like you to read this copy of "Johnny Tremaine." It's a book I read as a girl.
- Bart: A book!? Pfffft.
- Marge: I think you might like this. It's about a boy who goes to war. His hand is deformed in an accident.
- Bart: Deformed? Why didn't you say so! They should call this book "Johnny Deformed"?
- [after realizing that Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney are still locked in the school's utility closet, Principal Skinner and Groundskeeper Willie rush over to the school with a bunch of mountain bikes]
- Principal Skinner: We give them their bikes, no one sues. [laughs nervously]
- Willie: [laughs] What if they're dead, sir?
- Principal Skinnger: Then we ride these bikes to Mexico, and freedom, Willie! Freedom!
- Wille: Freedom! [laughs, then under his breath] Yeah, I'll turn you in at the first toll booth.
- Nelson: Imagine...a school out there with no bullies.
- Jimbo: Science geeks not getting beat up. Kids using their lunch money for food.
- Nelson: I can't take it!
