The Last Temptation of Homer/Quotes

Quotes

Season 5 Episode Quotes

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089

"Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood"

090
"The Last Temptation of Homer"

"$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)"

091

→

[Bart paints parking space lines in the Springfield Elementary School car park.]

Bart: The beauty of it is each parking space is a mere one foot narrower. Indistinguishable to the naked eye. But therin lies the game.

Milhouse: I fear to watch, yet I cannot turn away.

[All the teachers pull into the car park and no one can open their doors]

Principal Skinner: [to Edna Krabappel, banging his door into her car] You blasted woman! You parked too close! Move your car!

Edna: I'm in the lines! You got a problem, go tell your mama.

Skinner: Oh, don't worry, she'll hear about this.

Ms. Krabappel: Is it possible all your misbehavior and miserable grades have been caused by a simple vision disorder?

Bart: You mean, it ain't me noggin'; it's me peepers? Oh, well that's just luverly!

Charlie: Well, sir, I won't bore you with the details of our miraculous escape, but we desperately need a real emergency exit.

Mr. Burns: Why, that's a fabulous idea. Anything else you'd like? How about real lead in the radiation shields? Urinal cakes, maybe? Smithers, throw this at him.

Lenny: Oh, if they hire a woman, we won't be able to spit on the floor.

Carl: And we can't take our pants off when it gets real hot.

Homer: And we won't be able to pee in the drinking fountain!

[Carl and Lenny look at each other concerned.]

Homer: Ya... I mean... not... you know, if we wanted to, not that I ever... did.

[Bart walks into the classroom looking like a nerd.]

Sherri and Terri: Nice glasses, four-eyes!

Nelson: Yeah, nice shoes... uh... two-feet.

Martin: Your appearance is comical to me.

[Bart sees his reflection in Milhouse's glasses.]

Bart: [gasps] I'm a nerd!

[Milhouse sees his reflection in Bart's glasses.]

Milhouse: [gasp] So am I!

Homer: Moe, I need your advice.

Moe: Yeah.

Homer: See, I've got this friend named... Joey Jo-Jo... Junior... Shabadoo?

Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.

[A man at the end of the bar gets up and runs out crying.]

Barney Gumble: Hey! Joey Jo-Jo!

Homer: Uh... so, let's have a conversation. Uh, I think we'll find we have very little in common.

Mindy: Can't talk... eating.

Homer: Hey, my favorite, raspberry swirl with a double glaze.

Mindy: Double glaze. [begins to drool]

Homer: D'oh! Okay, so we have one thing in common. But you know what I hate? Drinking beer and watching TV.

Mindy: Oh, not me. That's my idea of Heaven.

Homer: D'oh! Me too.

Mindy: Really? I'm can see I'm gonna love working with you. Well, gotta go. [whispers] I wanna sneak in a quick nap before lunch.

Homer: Foul temptress. I'll bet she thinks Ziggy's gotten too preachy, too!

Homer: Hello, hotline? I'm very tempted by another woman!

Ned Flanders: Homer Simpson! That's a dilly of a pickle. Hey, let's conference you with Marge, huh?

Homer: [hangs up] NOOOOOOO!!!!

Homer: Colonel Klink! Did you ever get my letters?

Angel: I'm not actually Colonel Klink. I'm just assuming his form.

Homer: Hee, hee, hee! Did you know Hogan had tunnels all over your camp?

Homer: Lisa! Look out behind you!

Lisa: Dad, I'm not gonna fall for that.

Homer: No, Lisa, I swear to you! I'm one hundred percent completely serious. You've gotta turn around right now before it's too late!

[Lisa turns around.]

Lisa: Huh?

Homer: [running away] Sucker.

Marge: Good news, honey! Two weeks are up! You don't have to wear your glasses any more. And your scalp and posture seem fine!

Bart: Yes!

[He kicks his shoes through the window and they smash through the Flanders' living room window.]

Ned Flanders: Kids, did anyone pray for giant shoes?

Rod Flanders: [raises his hand] I did!

Ned: Okilly-dokilly!

Mindy: What's wrong?

Homer: Oh yeah, like you don't know! We're gonna have sex.

Mindy: Oh... well, we don't have to.

Homer: Yes, we do. The cookie told me so.

Mindy: Well, deserts aren't always right.

Homer: But they're so sweet.

← Season 4 Season 5 Quotes Season 6 →
Homer's Barbershop Quartet • Cape Feare • Homer Goes to College • Rosebud • Treehouse of Horror IV • Marge on the Lam • Bart's Inner Child • Boy-Scoutz 'n the Hood • The Last Temptation of Homer • $pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) • Homer the Vigilante • Bart Gets Famous • Homer and Apu • Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy • Deep Space Homer • Homer Loves Flanders • Bart Gets an Elephant • Burns' Heir • Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song • The Boy Who Knew Too Much • Lady Bouvier's Lover • Secrets of a Successful Marriage