Portrait of a Lackey on Fire/Quotes

Quotes

Season 33 Episode Quotes

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713

"A Serious Flanders (Part 2)"

714
"Portrait of a Lackey on Fire"

"Mothers and Other Strangers"

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Waylon Smithers: Congratulations, sir—it's eight puppies. Four boys, three girls, and, uh, one who would prefer not to be labeled yet.

Mr. Burns: Smithers, you're in charge of their training. Teach them all the classic commands. Sit, stay... and bite striking workers with your "wittle teefers."

Mr. Burns: Warren Buffett sent this box of broken wooden pieces.

Smithers: Sir, that's a puzzle.

Mr. Burns: It certainly is a puzzle. What's his game, sending me these misshapen bits?

Smithers: I just want someone to be there when I get home. Someone who loves me unconditionally.

Homer: Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff. It's the conditions that'll kill ya.

Mr. Burns: Well, that's the last of the litter. Oh, except for you. You're no killer, with those soft eyes and kind disposition. You've brought shame to the very notion of inbreeding.

Michael de Graaf: Good muscle tone, needy, with a slight drooling problem. Reminds me of my last boyfriend.

Homer: [thinking] His last girlfriend was a boy? [out loud] Your last girlfriend was a boy?

Michael: I can offer Burns a priceless Impressionist painting.

Smithers: Mr. Burns' collection could use a Manet...

Michael: Well, I've got a Monet and a guy who can change O's to A's.

Smithers: Mm, Mr. Burns would never know the difference. He hates art-he just wants to keep it out of museums.

Luigi Risotto: Welcome-a to Luigi's. Italiana food for everybody. I put a-salt and a-pepper on the table, but for you, such a handsome couple, if you want-a pepper and-a pepper, hey, that's a-wonderful, too!

Mrs. Risotto: [mutters in Italian]

Luigi: Mamma, no! God-a loves everybody!

Mrs. Risotto: [shouting in Italian]

Luigi: But what about Uncle Benito and the roommate he always-a brings to Easter supper?

Mrs. Risotto: [spits]

Luigi: Mamma, no! Do not put a hex on their ziti!

Homer: I am a gay matchmaking God!

Lenny Leonard: What about some straight matchmaking for us?

Homer: I'm a God, not a miracle worker.

Mr. Burns: You were gone? Who cares? I figured it out. These pieces are designed to interlock. But to what purpose?

Smithers: Sir, it is a puzzle.

Mr. Burns: Not for long, man. Monty Burns is on the case. The obvious first step is to sort every piece by weight.

Marge: Tell me all about Michael de Graaf!

Smithers: Well, Michael's kind of perfect. Attentive, treats me like an equal, has never trap-doored an entire Girl Scout troop because they were out of Thin Mints. I mean, it's nice to finally be in love with someone... good.

Marge: What if we threw you two a party?

Smithers: A party. That's what people do when they finally have something worth celebrating.

Julio Franco: Just what I always wanted for him, a handsome billionaire boyfriend. So happy.

Lenny: Do you like my top?

Michael: [looking at Carl] Yes. He seems very nice.

Smithers: When did you first realize that Homer was the one, the great love of your life?

Marge: Well, after he got me pregnant, I just knew he was someone I was gonna have kids with.

Luigi: Mamma, everyone is-a happy. Why are you so against this-a love? Why?

Mrs. Risotto: I hate... because I hate-a myself! I... I love-a the women.

Luigi: No, Mamma, you are beautiful. You love-a the women, and I love-a the you.

Gil Gunderson: Hey, look at me, I'm a working stiff! Very stiff. These chemicals are giving me a condition my doctor calls "living rigor mortis."

Smithers: I can't believe I'm asking you this, but I-I have a question about, uh... my love life.

Mr. Burns: Indeed. Tell me about the lucky lady.

Smithers: Man.

Mr. Burns: Oh. What's her...

Smithers: His.

Mr. Burns: ...name?

Smithers: Michael.

Mr. Burns: Michelle. Such a lovely name. And, uh, what does she...

Smithers: He.

Mr. Burns: ...do?

Mr. Burns: Michael de Graaf? Smithers, you fool. Marry that man right now. What? So you have to pretend to be gay-who cares? He's a billionaire.

Smithers: I always thought a Chernobyl in Springfield would be caused by my horrible boss, not my perfect boyfriend.

Smithers: I can't believe I fell in love with a monster.

Michael: Really? It seems to me that you have a pretty consistent type.

← Season 32 Season 33 Quotes Season 34 →
The Star of the Backstage • Bart's in Jail! • Treehouse of Horror XXXII • The Wayz We Were • Lisa's Belly • A Serious Flanders (Part 1) • A Serious Flanders (Part 2) • Portrait of a Lackey on Fire • Mothers and Other Strangers • A Made Maggie • The Longest Marge • Pixelated and Afraid • Boyz N the Highlands • You Won't Believe What This Episode Is About – Act Three Will Shock You! • Bart the Cool Kid • Pretty Whittle Liar • The Sound of Bleeding Gums • My Octopus and a Teacher • Girls Just Shauna Have Fun • Marge the Meanie • Meat Is Murder • Poorhouse Rock