Mothers and Other Strangers/Quotes
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"Mothers and Other Strangers"
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- Lisa: Looks like you've discovered Muttflix, Bart. The premium cable channel made for dogs. They show short scenes from a canine point of view. It's to a dog's eyes what opening a can of dog food is to their ears.
- Bart: And, Mom, although I believe Mother's Day is a B.S. holiday unlike true holidays, like my half birthday or May the Fourth Be With You I, too, made you a mug.
- Homer: Well, I was gonna make you breakfast in bed, but you know the food always comes out bad...
- Bart: Ugh, so bad.
- Lisa: And we always leave a mess in the kitchen, which is worse than making no breakfast at all.
- Bart: Basically we're idiots.
- Lisa: Oh, my God! Dad's reliving the great tragedy of his life.
- Homer: And that is?
- Lisa: Losing your mother.
- Mona Simpson: [notes being read bu Grampa] I wrote this on the liquor cabinet so you would see it. I am wanted by the FBI and leaving forever. Abe! Put down the booze and take care of Homer. Go to him. Be gentle and sensitive. Strong and... Absolut Vodka. Now you're just reading the label.
- Young Homer: When's Mommy coming back?
- Grampa: She's not.
- Young Homer: Why not?
- Grampa: Uh... she's dead.
- Teenage Homer: You told me Mom was dead!
- Grampa: She is.
- Teenage Homer: Why wasn't there a funeral?
- Grampa: There was too much going on. My wife just died, for God's sake.
- Teenage Homer: Dad, there's something you're not telling me about Mom.
- Grampa: Well, son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, they want to make a baby that is immediately a source of huge conflict.
- Teenage Homer: Why did you lie?
- Grampa: To protect you.
- Teenage Homer: Protect me from what?
- Grampa: To protect you from a woman who didn't love me enough! Oh, my God, I wasn't protecting you, I was protecting me. From the shame of a wife who left. Because I never gave her what she wanted most, which was to leave me.
- Teenage Homer: [thinking] This isn't over.
- Grampa: [thinking] What did you just think?
- Teenage Homer: [thinking] You heard me!
- Grampa: Where the hell do you think you're going?
- Teenage Homer: [screams] Old Man Simpson!
- Grampa: I'm here to stop you, son. You remember your mom as a perfect woman. But... I hate to say this... she wasn't perfect. She hogged the blankets something awful. She had a hard to remember birthday.
- Charlie: Abe, I got a funny feeling... I ain't gonna make it.
- Young Grampa: That's crazy talk! Uh... did you always not have a bottom half?
- Mona: I always cry at any boy between 12 and 20. I have a son that age. Haven't seen him in years. It's heartbreaking. I don't know if I'll ever- Oh, there he is.
- Homer: Was it a dream? There's no way I'll ever know.
- Grampa: It wasn't a dream. I was there.
- Homer: There's no reliable way I'll ever know.
