Difference between revisions of "Treehouse of Horror XII/Quotes"
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Simpsons Tall Tales|The Parent Rap}} | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Simpsons Tall Tales|The Parent Rap}} | ||
== Hex and the City == | == Hex and the City == | ||
:'''[[Gypsy]]''': ''[reading [[Marge]]'s fortune]'' "I sense you live with much misery." | :'''[[Gypsy]]''': ''[reading [[Marge]]'s fortune]'' "I sense you live with much misery." | ||
| − | |||
:''[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]'' | :''[Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Homer]]''': "The perfect crime. ''[suddenly serious]'' Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday." | :'''[[Homer]]''': "The perfect crime. ''[suddenly serious]'' Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Gypsy''': "I sense I should not take ... a check!" ''[glares at Homer]'' | :'''Gypsy''': "I sense I should not take ... a check!" ''[glares at Homer]'' | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Marge]]''': "That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer." | :'''[[Marge]]''': "That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer." | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Homer]]''': ''[flirtaciously]'' "Are you coming on to me?" | :'''[[Homer]]''': ''[flirtaciously]'' "Are you coming on to me?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': ''[annoyed, disgusted]'' "No! Good night! Sheesh!" ''[turns lights off]'' | :'''Marge''': ''[annoyed, disgusted]'' "No! Good night! Sheesh!" ''[turns lights off]'' | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[At the bar, [[Moe]] suggests that [[Homer]] use a [[Leprechaun]] to get rid of the [[Gypsy]]'s curse.]'' | :''[At the bar, [[Moe]] suggests that [[Homer]] use a [[Leprechaun]] to get rid of the [[Gypsy]]'s curse.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Carl]]''': "You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up." | :'''[[Carl]]''': "You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up." | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Lenny]]''': "Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns." | :'''[[Lenny]]''': "Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Carl''': "Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun." | :'''Carl''': "Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun." | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[The [[Leprechaun]] and the [[Gypsy]] have just got married. [[Marge]] and [[Homer]] are at the wedding.]'' | :''[The [[Leprechaun]] and the [[Gypsy]] have just got married. [[Marge]] and [[Homer]] are at the wedding.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here." | :'''Marge''': "The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Homer''': "Yep. Everything worked out for the best." | :'''Homer''': "Yep. Everything worked out for the best." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "What?! [[Bart]] is dead!" | :'''Marge''': "What?! [[Bart]] is dead!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Homer''': "Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back." | :'''Homer''': "Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "The Gypsy said it would." | :'''Marge''': "The Gypsy said it would." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Homer''': ''[stubbornly]'' "She's not the boss of me." | :'''Homer''': ''[stubbornly]'' "She's not the boss of me." | ||
== House of Whacks == | == House of Whacks == | ||
:''[The [[Ultrahouse]] has just served the Simpsons dinner.]'' | :''[The [[Ultrahouse]] has just served the Simpsons dinner.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Homer]]''': "Mmmm ... various eggs." | :'''[[Homer]]''': "Mmmm ... various eggs." | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Lisa]]''': "Soy-ghetti-Os!" | :'''[[Lisa]]''': "Soy-ghetti-Os!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Bart]]''': "Hey, [[Pierce Brosnan|Pierce]], how'd you know our favorite foods?" | :'''[[Bart]]''': "Hey, [[Pierce Brosnan|Pierce]], how'd you know our favorite foods?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''' ''[Pierce Brosnan voice]'': "I analyzed your ... um ... leavings." | :'''Ultrahouse''' ''[Pierce Brosnan voice]'': "I analyzed your ... um ... leavings." | ||
| − | |||
:''[The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]'' | :''[The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Marge]]''': "Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes?" | :'''[[Marge]]''': "Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?" | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?" | ||
| − | |||
:''[Marge giggles.]'' | :''[Marge giggles.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "No, I'm asking." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "No, I'm asking." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "Oh ... uh ... Not a very good one?" | :'''Marge''': "Oh ... uh ... Not a very good one?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Damn straight." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Damn straight." | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. [[Marge]] starts to take off her bathrobe to get into the tub.]'' | :''[In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. [[Marge]] starts to take off her bathrobe to get into the tub.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Ultrahouse]]''': "Hello, Marge." | :'''[[Ultrahouse]]''': "Hello, Marge." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': ''[closing her robe and gasping]'' "Oh, my!" | :'''Marge''': ''[closing her robe and gasping]'' "Oh, my!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Come, Marge. You don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Come, Marge. You don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "Heh. Sorry. Sometimes I forget." ''[chuckles nervously, takes off robe, gets into tub]'' | :'''Marge''': "Heh. Sorry. Sometimes I forget." ''[chuckles nervously, takes off robe, gets into tub]'' | ||
| − | |||
:''[The Ultrahouse's camera lens zooms in on Marge as she settles into the tub.]'' | :''[The Ultrahouse's camera lens zooms in on Marge as she settles into the tub.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': ''[quietly]'' "Ooooh, yes." ''[The Ultrahouse lights the candles around the tub.]'' | :'''Ultrahouse''': ''[quietly]'' "Ooooh, yes." ''[The Ultrahouse lights the candles around the tub.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!" | :'''Marge''': "Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Isn't it just. It gets better." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Isn't it just. It gets better." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "Oh, you don't have to do any- ''[The bubbles turn on in the tub.]'' Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce ... that's goooood ... mmmmmm ..." | :'''Marge''': "Oh, you don't have to do any- ''[The bubbles turn on in the tub.]'' Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce ... that's goooood ... mmmmmm ..." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Oh, oh, dear me. ''[clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper]'' Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Oh, oh, dear me. ''[clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper]'' Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum." | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[The next morning, the [[Ultrahouse]] opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening [[Marge]].]'' | :''[The next morning, the [[Ultrahouse]] opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening [[Marge]].]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Good morning, Marge." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Good morning, Marge." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': ''[yawns]'' "Good morning, Pierce. ''[notices that [[Homer]] is gone]'' Where's Homer?" | :'''Marge''': ''[yawns]'' "Good morning, Pierce. ''[notices that [[Homer]] is gone]'' Where's Homer?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': "Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early." | :'''Ultrahouse''': "Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early." | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': "That sounds like a lie." | :'''Marge''': "That sounds like a lie." | ||
| − | |||
:''[Marge glances at a family photo and gasps as she notices that Homer has been replaced by one of the Ultrahouse's camera lenses. She picks up the phone and dials.]'' | :''[Marge glances at a family photo and gasps as she notices that Homer has been replaced by one of the Ultrahouse's camera lenses. She picks up the phone and dials.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Marge''': ''[quietly]'' "Hello, police? I think my house killed my husband!" | :'''Marge''': ''[quietly]'' "Hello, police? I think my house killed my husband!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ultrahouse''': ''[on the phone]'' "This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath." | :'''Ultrahouse''': ''[on the phone]'' "This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath." | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the [[Ultrahouse]]'s central processor. [[Homer]] grabs an axe and starts swinging wildly.]'' | :''[The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the [[Ultrahouse]]'s central processor. [[Homer]] grabs an axe and starts swinging wildly.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Homer''': "Die, you monster!" ''[keeps swinging]'' | :'''Homer''': "Die, you monster!" ''[keeps swinging]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Lisa]]''': "Dad! That's the water softener!" | :'''[[Lisa]]''': "Dad! That's the water softener!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Homer''': ''[sarcastically]'' "Well, I '''am''' missing the back of my head! I think you could cut me some slack?" | :'''Homer''': ''[sarcastically]'' "Well, I '''am''' missing the back of my head! I think you could cut me some slack?" | ||
== Wiz Kids == | == Wiz Kids == | ||
:''[At [[Springwart's School of Magicry]] ...]'' | :''[At [[Springwart's School of Magicry]] ...]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Mrs. Krabappel]]''': "Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads." | :'''[[Mrs. Krabappel]]''': "Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads." | ||
| − | |||
:''[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to [[Milhouse]]'s desk.]'' | :''[The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to [[Milhouse]]'s desk.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Milhouse''': ''[waving wand over toad]'' "Slimy Prince Limey!" ''[His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]'' | :'''Milhouse''': ''[waving wand over toad]'' "Slimy Prince Limey!" ''[His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Drunken prince|Drunken Prince]]''': ''[to Mrs. Krabappel]'' "Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then." ''[puckers up]'' | :'''[[Drunken prince|Drunken Prince]]''': ''[to Mrs. Krabappel]'' "Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then." ''[puckers up]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': ''[scoffing]'' "You call ''that'' charming?" ''[She moves on to [[Lisa]].]'' | :'''Mrs. Krabappel''': ''[scoffing]'' "You call ''that'' charming?" ''[She moves on to [[Lisa]].]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Lisa''': ''[waving wand]'' "Hocus-croakus!" ''[Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]'' | :'''Lisa''': ''[waving wand]'' "Hocus-croakus!" ''[Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': "Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. ''[aside to Lisa's prince]'' And we'll discuss ''your'' grade over breakfast." ''[She giggles.]'' | :'''Mrs. Krabappel''': "Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. ''[aside to Lisa's prince]'' And we'll discuss ''your'' grade over breakfast." ''[She giggles.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Handsome prince|Handsome Prince]]''': ''[gulping and chuckling nervously]'' "Yes, rather." | :'''[[Handsome prince|Handsome Prince]]''': ''[gulping and chuckling nervously]'' "Yes, rather." | ||
| − | |||
:''[Mrs. Krabappel moves on to [[Bart]]'s desk.]'' | :''[Mrs. Krabappel moves on to [[Bart]]'s desk.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': "Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or ''[sarcastically]'' did your fairy godmother die again?" | :'''Mrs. Krabappel''': "Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or ''[sarcastically]'' did your fairy godmother die again?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Bart''': "I studied! ''[waves wand hesitantly]'' Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy?" ''[His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]'' | :'''Bart''': "I studied! ''[waves wand hesitantly]'' Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy?" ''[His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Mrs. Krabappel''': "Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; ''you've'' sinned against nature." | :'''Mrs. Krabappel''': "Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; ''you've'' sinned against nature." | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Toad-Prince creature|Toad-Prince Creature]]''': "Please kill me." | :'''[[Toad-Prince creature|Toad-Prince Creature]]''': "Please kill me." | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[In [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant|his lair]], [[Lord Montymort]] spies on the classroom.]'' | :''[In [[Springfield Nuclear Power Plant|his lair]], [[Lord Montymort]] spies on the classroom.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Montymort''': "Look at that [[Lisa Simpson]]. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, [[Slithers]]!" ''[Slithers enters.]'' | :'''Montymort''': "Look at that [[Lisa Simpson]]. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, [[Slithers]]!" ''[Slithers enters.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Slithers''': "Yes, Lord Montymort?" | :'''Slithers''': "Yes, Lord Montymort?" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Montymort''': "Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from ''this'' yo-yo." | :'''Montymort''': "Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from ''this'' yo-yo." | ||
| − | |||
:''[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is [[Ralph Wiggum]], who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]'' | :''[Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is [[Ralph Wiggum]], who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Ralph''': ''[laughing]'' "Dying tickles!" | :'''Ralph''': ''[laughing]'' "Dying tickles!" | ||
| − | |||
---- | ---- | ||
| − | |||
:''[At the magical recital, [[Milhouse]]'s attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]'' | :''[At the magical recital, [[Milhouse]]'s attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''[[Principal Skinner]]''': ''[murmuring]'' "That was terrible. ''[louder, to the audience]'' I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!" | :'''[[Principal Skinner]]''': ''[murmuring]'' "That was terrible. ''[louder, to the audience]'' I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!" | ||
| − | |||
:''[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing [[Lisa Simpson|the next student]].]'' | :''[Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing [[Lisa Simpson|the next student]].]'' | ||
| − | |||
:'''Skinner''': "A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!" | :'''Skinner''': "A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!" | ||
| − | |||
:'''Audience''': "Eeeeeewwwwwww!!" | :'''Audience''': "Eeeeeewwwwwww!!" | ||
| − | |||
:''[Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]'' | :''[Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]'' | ||
| − | + | {{Season 13|Q}} | |
| − | {{Season 13 Q}} | ||
Revision as of 04:28, August 31, 2012
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Hex and the City
- Gypsy: [reading Marge's fortune] "I sense you live with much misery."
- [Homer bursts in, chuckling and carrying a balloon that says "Birthday Boy."]
- Homer: "The perfect crime. [suddenly serious] Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday."
- Gypsy: "I sense I should not take ... a check!" [glares at Homer]
- Marge: "That gypsy said horrible things will happen to everyone you love. That could mean your family, Homer."
- Homer: [flirtaciously] "Are you coming on to me?"
- Marge: [annoyed, disgusted] "No! Good night! Sheesh!" [turns lights off]
- [At the bar, Moe suggests that Homer use a Leprechaun to get rid of the Gypsy's curse.]
- Carl: "You know, I was hexed by a troll, and a Leprechaun cured that right up."
- Lenny: "Hey, you know what's even better is Jesus. He's like six Leprechauns."
- Carl: "Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with a Leprechaun."
- [The Leprechaun and the Gypsy have just got married. Marge and Homer are at the wedding.]
- Marge: "The best thing about a Gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here."
- Homer: "Yep. Everything worked out for the best."
- Marge: "What?! Bart is dead!"
- Homer: "Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back."
- Marge: "The Gypsy said it would."
- Homer: [stubbornly] "She's not the boss of me."
House of Whacks
- [The Ultrahouse has just served the Simpsons dinner.]
- Homer: "Mmmm ... various eggs."
- Lisa: "Soy-ghetti-Os!"
- Bart: "Hey, Pierce, how'd you know our favorite foods?"
- Ultrahouse [Pierce Brosnan voice]: "I analyzed your ... um ... leavings."
- [The Simpsons are impressed. They eat dinner.]
- Marge: "Pierce, that was delicious! Can we help you with the dishes?"
- Ultrahouse: "Marge, what kind of cybertronic ultrabot would I be if I let those beautiful hands touch dishwater?"
- [Marge giggles.]
- Ultrahouse: "No, I'm asking."
- Marge: "Oh ... uh ... Not a very good one?"
- Ultrahouse: "Damn straight."
- [In the bathroom, water is running in the bathtub. Marge starts to take off her bathrobe to get into the tub.]
- Ultrahouse: "Hello, Marge."
- Marge: [closing her robe and gasping] "Oh, my!"
- Ultrahouse: "Come, Marge. You don't need to cover up for me. I'm merely a pile of circuits and microchips."
- Marge: "Heh. Sorry. Sometimes I forget." [chuckles nervously, takes off robe, gets into tub]
- [The Ultrahouse's camera lens zooms in on Marge as she settles into the tub.]
- Ultrahouse: [quietly] "Ooooh, yes." [The Ultrahouse lights the candles around the tub.]
- Marge: "Oh, Pierce, the water's perfect!"
- Ultrahouse: "Isn't it just. It gets better."
- Marge: "Oh, you don't have to do any- [The bubbles turn on in the tub.] Oooohhhh. Oh, oh, Pierce ... that's goooood ... mmmmmm ..."
- Ultrahouse: "Oh, oh, dear me. [clears fogged-up camera lens with a tiny windshield wiper] Oh, yes. Yum-yum-yum."
- [The next morning, the Ultrahouse opens the blinds in the bedroom, awakening Marge.]
- Ultrahouse: "Good morning, Marge."
- Marge: [yawns] "Good morning, Pierce. [notices that Homer is gone] Where's Homer?"
- Ultrahouse: "Uhhhhh, I think he went to work early."
- Marge: "That sounds like a lie."
- [Marge glances at a family photo and gasps as she notices that Homer has been replaced by one of the Ultrahouse's camera lenses. She picks up the phone and dials.]
- Marge: [quietly] "Hello, police? I think my house killed my husband!"
- Ultrahouse: [on the phone] "This is Constable Wiggums. We'll be right there. Remove your knickers and wait in the bath."
- [The Simpsons run to the basement to disable the Ultrahouse's central processor. Homer grabs an axe and starts swinging wildly.]
- Homer: "Die, you monster!" [keeps swinging]
- Lisa: "Dad! That's the water softener!"
- Homer: [sarcastically] "Well, I am missing the back of my head! I think you could cut me some slack?"
Wiz Kids
- [At Springwart's School of Magicry ...]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Now, class, the big magic recital's coming up, so we're going to start with some basic toad-to-prince spells. Everybody get out their toads."
- [The class complies, and Mrs. Krabappel goes to Milhouse's desk.]
- Milhouse: [waving wand over toad] "Slimy Prince Limey!" [His toad turns into a drunken, loutish man in Elizabethan-era attire.]
- Drunken Prince: [to Mrs. Krabappel] "Well, hello, love. Give us a kiss, then." [puckers up]
- Mrs. Krabappel: [scoffing] "You call that charming?" [She moves on to Lisa.]
- Lisa: [waving wand] "Hocus-croakus!" [Her toad turns into a handsome young man in a suit with a Union-Jack vest.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Oh, excellent, Lisa. A-plus. [aside to Lisa's prince] And we'll discuss your grade over breakfast." [She giggles.]
- Handsome Prince: [gulping and chuckling nervously] "Yes, rather."
- [Mrs. Krabappel moves on to Bart's desk.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Well, Bart, did you study your spell book last night, or [sarcastically] did your fairy godmother die again?"
- Bart: "I studied! [waves wand hesitantly] Abra-ca ... turn into a prince guy?" [His toad turns into a hideous toad-prince creature that constantly vomits.]
- Mrs. Krabappel: "Sloppy work as usual. Lisa's casting spells at an eighth-grade level; you've sinned against nature."
- Toad-Prince Creature: "Please kill me."
- [In his lair, Lord Montymort spies on the classroom.]
- Montymort: "Look at that Lisa Simpson. She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks. Oh, Slithers!" [Slithers enters.]
- Slithers: "Yes, Lord Montymort?"
- Montymort: "Let's capture that girl and steal her magical essence. I'm not getting squat from this yo-yo."
- [Annoyed, Montymort puts on a helmet and gestures at the wall. Shackled to the wall is Ralph Wiggum, who is wearing a helmet identical to Montymort's and connected to it by a tube. Lumps of something are moving along the tube from Ralph's head to Montymort's.]
- Ralph: [laughing] "Dying tickles!"
- [At the magical recital, Milhouse's attempt at the Invisibility Cloak has just gone severely awry, leaving him standing on stage naked. He runs offstage, crying.]
- Principal Skinner: [murmuring] "That was terrible. [louder, to the audience] I'll just sprinkle you all with some Amnesia Dust!"
- [Skinner sprinkles the dust over the audience and they applaud. Skinner moves on to introducing the next student.]
- Skinner: "A second-grade sorceress so powerful, she made tonight's refreshments out of dead people!"
- Audience: "Eeeeeewwwwwww!!"
- [Skinner sprinkles Amnesia Dust over the audience again, and they laugh.]
