The Parent Rap/Quotes

Quotes

Season 13 Episode Quotes

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270

"Treehouse of Horror XII"

271
"The Parent Rap"

"Homer the Moe"

272

→

Homer: Hey, knock it off! These pants cost $600.

Moe: Really?

Homer: Yeah, they're Italian.

Moe: [points a gun at Homer] All right, hand 'em over.

Homer: Moe, what the--

Moe: Yeah, I rob now.

Homer: Say, is that our house?

Bart: I don't think our house has a steeple.

Homer: Oh yeah. I forget things sometimes.

Judge Harm: Grand theft auto?!

Bart: It was an accident, ma'am!

Judge Harm: Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!

Homer: [angrily] What did she say about cupcakes?

Bart: You there! Put your hands up!

Ned: Me? Okay.

Bart: Now, drop your pants!

Ned: But my hands are up.

Bart: Hula out of them!

Ned: Alright, officer.

Judge Harm: Well, I thought Dad was the problem, but apparently Mom is no prize pig herself. It's a miracle poor Bartholomew isn't robbing banks and chasing sweet Lady H.

Bart: I'm a latchkey kid.

Lisa: You are not!

Bart: Come on, Dad. I got to go to the bathroom.

Homer: Oh, I just got comfortable! Use the bottle.

Marge: No! I don't want you going in a bottle. That's what hobos do!

Bart: Come on, Homer!

Homer: No!

Bart: Mom!

Marge: Aw geez, Homer, just take him to the bathroom!

Homer: Fine! I don't know why we even have a bottle! Somebody tell me!

Bart: The town keeps getting bigger. Will there always be enough electricity?

Homer: [laughs] Ah, son, you know that's none of your business.

Officer: Sir, you are not a size 4.

Homer: I used to be! [starts crying]

Judge Harm: You have got a boy here who is crying out for adult supervision!

Homer: I couldn't agree more. Perhaps some sort of court-appointed babysitter or au pair?

Judge Harm: Sorry, bub, that crow won't caw.

Homer: It won't?

Homer: I love our court days.

Marge: It's about the only thing we do as a family anymore.

Milhouse: If we're late for school, we'll miss our free federal breakfast.

Bart: Big deal! It's just saltines and fig paste.

Milhouse: Ewww! Saltines!

Judge Harm: [to Bart] According to this, your father was driving you to school. Then where was he when you stole the police car?

Homer: Uh, your honor? I was chasing the KBBL Party Penguin Price Patrol.

Judge Harm: You abandoned your son to win forty dollars!?

Homer: And a Blue Oyster Cult medallion [takes out the medallion] Cool.

Judge Harm: And that was more important than keeping your son out of trouble?

Homer: Your honor, if I may sing a little bit of, Don't Fear The Reaper, I think you'll agree that--

Judge Harm: I'm familiar with B.O.C.!

[Homer, tethered to Bart, enters Moe's.]

Moe: Hey, hey, no kids in the bar.

Homer: Since when?

Moe: Oh, the heat's been on since them Bush girls were in here.

[Lisa comments on Homer being tethered to Bart.]

Lisa: Creative sentencing is common these days. That's why Bill Clinton is our mailman.

Judge Harm: Not only that, you are horrible parents, you're also violent criminals. I'm going to have you two locked up 'til frogs do fractions.

Bart: Your Honor, may I say something?

Judge Harm: Well, it is highly unorthodox... so no!

Bart: Please, your Honor?

Judge Harm: Oh, I can't resist that look. You remind me of me when I was a little boy.

Bart: Your Honor, it's not easy being my parents. I'm always screwing up in school and getting in trouble with the law. But if I grow up to be a halfway decent person, I know it will be because of my Mom and Dad. Everyone else might give up on me, but my parents never will.

Lisa: [proudly] That's my brother.

Snake: Um, did she just say she used to be a dude?

Kirk Van Houten: Judge, please don't send my boy to juvie. He's just weak, both morally and in the upper body.

Judge Harm: I hereby order you to be tethered to your son.

Homer: Tethered?

Judge Harm: Tethered. Report to room 5.

Homer: Room 5?

[Marge has cut the tether and triggered the alarm and Judge Harm's image appears out of the tether.]

Judge Harm: That's right it's me, Judge Harm, through the magic of fiber optics.

Homer: Hey, hey, hey, h-how about that? Huh, huh?

Judge Harm: Quiet, tubsy. You violated my order.

Homer: But Constance, it only happened because--

Judge Harm: Hey, hey, if I want a cock and bull story, I'll read Hemingway.

[Watching Judge Harm on television.]

Marge: Of course she's never had children, look at how high and firm her breasts are!

← Season 12 Season 13 Quotes Season 14 →
Treehouse of Horror XII • The Parent Rap • Homer the Moe • A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love • The Blunder Years • She of Little Faith • Brawl in the Family • Sweets and Sour Marge • Jaws Wired Shut • Half-Decent Proposal • The Bart Wants What It Wants • The Lastest Gun in the West • The Old Man and the Key • Tales from the Public Domain • Blame It on Lisa • Weekend at Burnsie's • Gump Roast • I Am Furious (Yellow) • The Sweetest Apu • Little Girl in the Big Ten • The Frying Game • Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge