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Difference between revisions of "Homer the Heretic/Quotes"

Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
< Homer the Heretic
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{{TabQ
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{{TabQ}}
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|episode=Homer_the_Heretic
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{{EpisodePrevNextQuo|A Streetcar Named Marge|Lisa the Beauty Queen}}
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}}
 
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:'''Homer''': "Hey Apu, why are you not in church?"
 
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:'''Apu''': "Oh, but I am in church! I have built a small shrine to Ganesh, the Hindu god of wisdom in the employee's lounge."
 
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:''Apu shows Homer his handmade shrine''
 
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:'''Homer''': "Hey Ganesh, want a peanut?"
 
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:'''Apu''': "Please do not offer my god a peanut."
 
  
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<hr width=50%/>
+
:''[Homer watches a earlier episode of ''The Three Stooges'']''
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:''Doorbell to Simpson residence rings. Homer answers the door to see it is Krusty going door-to-door appealing for donations.''
+
{{qf|Woman}} You must be the chiropractors I sent for; now start manipulating my spine.
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:'''Krusty''': Hello, I am with the American Federation of Jewish Clowns. We work to provide relief to victims of clown-related accidents. Just last year a gale wind caused the roof of a banquet hall to collapse. 54 clowns perished. The rescue workers had trouble finding everyone will all the nose squakers making noise. Oh, the humanity!
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{{qf|[[Curly Howard]]}} Hey, Moe! We don't know nothing about manipulating.
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:'''Homer''': Hey! Is this a religious thing?
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{{qf|[[Moe Howard]]}} You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get crackin'. ''[crack]''
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:'''Krusty''': A religious clown thing, sir.
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{{qf|[[Homer]]}} Eh-heh-heh. Moe is there leader. ''[Curly whoops]''
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:''Homer slams door in Krusty's face.''
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{{qf|Moe Howard}} Why, you..! ''[bonk]'' ''[Curly squeals]''
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Apu, I see you're not in church.
 +
{{qf|[[Apu]]}} Oh, but I am! I have a shrine to Ganesha, the god of worldly wisdom located in the employee lounge. ''[Homer approaches Apu's handmade shrine.]''
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Hey Ganesha, want a peanut?
 +
{{qf|Apu}} Please do not offer my god a peanut.
 +
----
 +
:''[Doorbell rings. Homer opens front door. Krusty appears in a black yarmulke on his head carrying a tin.]''
 +
{{qf|[[Krusty]]}} Hello. I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention in Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere. ''[breaks to tears]'' It was terrible...!
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Wait a minute! Is this a religious thing?
 +
{{qf|Krusty}} A religious clown thing, yes.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Sorry.
 +
{{qf|Krusty}} Well, bless you any— ''[Homer closes door.]''
 +
----
 +
:''[Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside]''
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Agh! Fire! What do I do? What do I do? ''[Homer coughs]'' Oh, the song. The song!
 +
:''[singing] When the fire starts to burn,''
 +
:''There's a lesson you must learn''
 +
:''Something something, then you'll see''
 +
:''You'll avoid catastrophe...'' D'oh!
  
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<hr width=50%/>
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----
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:''Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside.''
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:''[Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame.]''
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:'''Homer''': Ahh! What do I do? What do I do? ''Homer coughs'' Oh, the song. The song!
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{{qf|Apu}} ''[to himself]'' Fire at the old Simpson place! ''[Apu dons fire chief's helmet.]'' You are on your honor not to steal anything!
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:'''Homer'''{singing}: ''When the fire starts to burn,''
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{{qf|[[Kearney]]}} ''[eating Frosty Krusty Flakes]'' Oh, we won't. ''[Apu seems distant. He picks up a small child from floor and placed to desk.]''
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:''There's a lesson you must learn.''
+
{{qf|Apu}} Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.
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:''Something something, then you'll see:''
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{{qf|[[Jamshed]]}} How I have wait for this day. ''[Loads a double-barreled shotgun. Kearney (and others) react cold frozen and drop his cereal.]''
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:''You'll avoid catastrophe!''
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----
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:''Homer realizes he forgot the lyrics''
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{{qf|Homer}} Flanders... you saved me. Why?
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:'''Homer'''{talking}: D'oh!
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{{qf|[[Ned]]}} Heck... you'd have done the same for me.
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:''[Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame.]''
 +
{{qf|Ned}} HELP! '''''HEEEEEELP!'''''
 +
{{qf|Homer}} He he he he ha he.
 +
:''[Homer returns to reality.]''
 +
{{qf|Homer}} That's right, old friend.
 +
----
 +
{{qf|Homer}} You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here.
 +
{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Yes, the lesson is—
 +
{{qf|Homer}} No, don't tell me, I'll get it. Oh, I know – the Lord is vengeful! Oh, spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
 +
{{qf|Ned}} Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
 +
{{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} No, but he was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid; be they ''[Ned]'' Christian, ''[Krusty]'' Jew or... ''[Apu]'' miscellaneous.
 +
{{qf|Apu}} Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
 +
{{qf|Reverend Lovejoy}} Oh, that's super.
 +
----
 +
:''[last lines]''
 +
{{qf|Homer}} God, I gotta ask you something – what's the meaning of life?
 +
{{qf|[[God]]}} Homer, I can't tell you that.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} Come on!
 +
{{qf|God}} You'll find out when you die.
 +
{{qf|Homer}} I can't wait that long!
 +
{{qf|God}} You can't wait six months?
 +
{{qf|Homer}} No, tell me now!
 +
{{qf|God}} Well... okay. The meaning of life is...
  
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<hr width=50%/>
+
{{Season 4|Q}}
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:''Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame.''
 
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:'''Apu'''{talking to himself}: Fire at the old Simpson place! It is my responsibility to deal with it as...
 
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:''Apu dons fire chief's helmet.''
 
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:'''Apu''':...Fire Chief! You are on your honor not to steal anything!
 
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:''Jimbo Jones and his gang snicker.''
 
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:'''Jimbo'''{sarcastically}: We promise.
 
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:'''Apu''': Just as I thought. I leave my nephew Ravi in charge while I am away.
 
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:''Apu picks up Ravi, who is a small child and places him atop counter.''
 
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:'''Ravi''': I will not fail you, Uncle Apu.
 
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:''Ravi loads a double-barreled shotgun. Jimbo and his gang react in horror and drop all the shoplifted items.''
 
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<hr width=50%/>
 
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:'''Homer''': Flanders, you saved me! Why?
 
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:'''Ned''': Heck! You would have done the same for me.
 
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:''Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame. Ned is yelling out the window while Homer is lounging in the hammock''
 
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:'''Ned''': Help! Help!
 
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:'''Homer''': He he he he ha he.
 
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:''Homer returns to reality.''
 
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:'''Homer''': "That's right, old friend."
 
−
 
 
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<hr width=50%/>
 
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:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Homer, I hope you learned about God as a result of this ordeal.
 
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:'''Homer''': Indeed I have. God is a vengeful god. He burned down my home because He was angry with me. Almighty Lord, tell me what you want and it shall be done!
 
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:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': No, no! That is an incorrect potrayal of God. He did not burn down your house. Rather, God was working through people of various beliefs to save you.
 
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:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Ned Flanders.''
 
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:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Christian.
 
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:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Krusty.''
 
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:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Jew.
 
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:''Reverend Lovejoy points out Apu.''
 
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:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': And, uh, miscellaneous.
 
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:'''Apu''': With all due respect Reverend, I would imagine you would be more familiar in your studies with the Hindu faith. There are 700 million of us in the world.
 
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:'''Reverend Lovejoy''': Well, is that not super!
 
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<hr width=50%/>
 
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:'''Homer''': "What's the meaning of life?"
 
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:'''God''': "Homer, I can't tell you that. You'll find out when you die."
 
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:'''Homer''': "I can't wait that long!"
 
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:'''God''': "You can't wait six months?"
 
−
 
 
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{{Season 4 Q}}
 
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[[Category:Quotes]]
 

Latest revision as of 12:09, January 9, 2023


Season 4 Episode Quotes
← 061 "A Streetcar Named Marge"
062
"Homer the Heretic"
"Lisa the Beauty Queen" 063 →


[Homer watches a earlier episode of The Three Stooges]
Woman: You must be the chiropractors I sent for; now start manipulating my spine.
Curly Howard: Hey, Moe! We don't know nothing about manipulating.
Moe Howard: You heard the lady. Grab her spine and get crackin'. [crack]
Homer: Eh-heh-heh. Moe is there leader. [Curly whoops]
Moe Howard: Why, you..! [bonk] [Curly squeals]
Homer: Apu, I see you're not in church.
Apu: Oh, but I am! I have a shrine to Ganesha, the god of worldly wisdom located in the employee lounge. [Homer approaches Apu's handmade shrine.]
Homer: Hey Ganesha, want a peanut?
Apu: Please do not offer my god a peanut.
[Doorbell rings. Homer opens front door. Krusty appears in a black yarmulke on his head carrying a tin.]
Krusty: Hello. I'm collecting for the Brotherhood of Jewish Clowns. Last year, tornadoes claimed the lives of 75 Jewish clowns. The worst incident was during our convention in Lubbock, Texas. There were floppy shoes and rainbow wigs everywhere. [breaks to tears] It was terrible...!
Homer: Wait a minute! Is this a religious thing?
Krusty: A religious clown thing, yes.
Homer: Sorry.
Krusty: Well, bless you any— [Homer closes door.]
[Homer wakes up to find the Simpson residence is aflame and he is trapped inside]
Homer: Agh! Fire! What do I do? What do I do? [Homer coughs] Oh, the song. The song!
[singing] When the fire starts to burn,
There's a lesson you must learn
Something something, then you'll see
You'll avoid catastrophe... D'oh!
[Apu, looking through binoculars, observes that the Simpson residence is aflame.]
Apu: [to himself] Fire at the old Simpson place! [Apu dons fire chief's helmet.] You are on your honor not to steal anything!
Kearney: [eating Frosty Krusty Flakes] Oh, we won't. [Apu seems distant. He picks up a small child from floor and placed to desk.]
Apu: Little Jamshed, the store is in your hands.
Jamshed: How I have wait for this day. [Loads a double-barreled shotgun. Kearney (and others) react cold frozen and drop his cereal.]
Homer: Flanders... you saved me. Why?
Ned: Heck... you'd have done the same for me.
[Homer imagines the Flanders residence aflame.]
Ned: HELP! HEEEEEELP!
Homer: He he he he ha he.
[Homer returns to reality.]
Homer: That's right, old friend.
Homer: You know, I have a feeling there's a lesson here.
Marge: Yes, the lesson is—
Homer: No, don't tell me, I'll get it. Oh, I know – the Lord is vengeful! Oh, spiteful one, show me who to smite and they shall be smoten!
Ned: Homer, God didn't set your house on fire.
Reverend Lovejoy: No, but he was working in the hearts of your friends and neighbors when they went to your aid; be they [Ned] Christian, [Krusty] Jew or... [Apu] miscellaneous.
Apu: Hindu! There are 700 million of us.
Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, that's super.
[last lines]
Homer: God, I gotta ask you something – what's the meaning of life?
God: Homer, I can't tell you that.
Homer: Come on!
God: You'll find out when you die.
Homer: I can't wait that long!
God: You can't wait six months?
Homer: No, tell me now!
God: Well... okay. The meaning of life is...
Season 4 Quotes
Kamp Krusty • A Streetcar Named Marge • Homer the Heretic • Lisa the Beauty Queen • Treehouse of Horror III • Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie • Marge Gets a Job • New Kid on the Block • Mr. Plow • Lisa's First Word • Homer's Triple Bypass • Marge vs. the Monorail • Selma's Choice • Brother from the Same Planet • I Love Lisa • Duffless • Last Exit to Springfield • So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show • The Front • Whacking Day • Marge in Chains • Krusty Gets Kancelled
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