Difference between revisions of "Homer's Paternity Coot/Quotes"
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| − | + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Simpsons Christmas Stories|We're on the Road to D'ohwhere}} | |
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| − | Bart: You've | + | {{qf|Commercial}} How often have you driven by a fire and thought 'How can this benefit me?' |
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} To hell with that paternity test and its 99.99997% accuracy! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Sideshow Mel]]}} ''[after his tires are ripped]'' My tires have been severely damaged! The prophecy has been fulfilled! ''[pointing to sign that reads "Do Not Back Up - Severe Tire Damage"]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Sign}} [[Springfield]] Tire Fire. Now smelled in 46 states. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Quimby]]}} People aren't taking the tollbooth! We need those seventy-five centses to de-python the town fountain! Get them through that tollbooth by any means necessary! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Wiggum]]}} Gotcha. No survivors. ''[gets out a shotgun and cocks it]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Quimby}} No Shooting. | ||
| + | {{qf|Wiggum}} But it's already cocked. | ||
| + | {{qf|Quimby}} Okay. Shoot into the fireplace. | ||
| + | :''[Wiggum does so and laughs.]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Let's go there before the next commercial tells me to do something else. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Who could my father be? [[Moleman]]? [[Mr. Burns]]? ''[gasps]'' {{W|M. Night Shyamalan}}? That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films! ''[http://download.lardlad.com/sounds/season17/coot7.mp3 audio clip]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Ralph]]}} ''[with a tuba on his head]'' I'm C3-D2! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[looking around Mason's study, which is decorated with various adventurer's items]'' So, I infer from all the knickknacks you're some sort of..fruitcake? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm sure my listeners will be pleased about that. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Mason Fairbanks|Mason]]}} Listeners? Didn't you say you work for a newspaper? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Uh, no I didn't. I says I work for a radio station. WXI 940. Number one with our viewers. | ||
| + | {{qf|Mason}} Viewers? Wouldn't that be a TV show? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Uh, well, um, oh what the hey. I think you're my pappy! | ||
| + | {{qf|Mason}} Ga-whaaa?! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Lisa, I'm not sure that letter is age-appropriate reading. Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries? | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Reverend Lovejoy]]}} ''[heading for the toll booth]'' Don't worry, this one's on [[Jesus]]. | ||
| + | :''[He takes out the church collection plate which is full of coins. The Jesus figurine on his dashboard looks as if it's about to cry.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Lovejoy}} Oh, be cool for once. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are at the retirement home visiting Grampa.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} See, Grampa, you still have a family. We still visit you even though we have no biological obligation. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Grampa]]}} So, Homer couldn't make it? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} No, but he told us to say hi. Hi! | ||
| + | :''[Long pause.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} So...what setting is that fan on? | ||
| + | :''[Pause.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Grampa}} Medium. | ||
| + | :''[Pause.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} I would've guessed low. | ||
| + | :''[Pause.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Grampa}} You would've guessed wrong. | ||
| − | + | {{Season 17|Q}} | |
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| − | {{Season 17 Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 11:16, March 15, 2022
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- Commercial: How often have you driven by a fire and thought 'How can this benefit me?'
- Homer: To hell with that paternity test and its 99.99997% accuracy!
- Sideshow Mel: [after his tires are ripped] My tires have been severely damaged! The prophecy has been fulfilled! [pointing to sign that reads "Do Not Back Up - Severe Tire Damage"]
- Sign: Springfield Tire Fire. Now smelled in 46 states.
- Quimby: People aren't taking the tollbooth! We need those seventy-five centses to de-python the town fountain! Get them through that tollbooth by any means necessary!
- Wiggum: Gotcha. No survivors. [gets out a shotgun and cocks it]
- Quimby: No Shooting.
- Wiggum: But it's already cocked.
- Quimby: Okay. Shoot into the fireplace.
- [Wiggum does so and laughs.]
- Marge: Let's go there before the next commercial tells me to do something else.
- Homer: Who could my father be? Moleman? Mr. Burns? [gasps] M. Night Shyamalan? That would be a twist worthy of his increasingly lousy films! audio clip
- Ralph: [with a tuba on his head] I'm C3-D2!
- Homer: [looking around Mason's study, which is decorated with various adventurer's items] So, I infer from all the knickknacks you're some sort of..fruitcake?
- Homer: I'm sure my listeners will be pleased about that.
- Mason: Listeners? Didn't you say you work for a newspaper?
- Homer: Uh, no I didn't. I says I work for a radio station. WXI 940. Number one with our viewers.
- Mason: Viewers? Wouldn't that be a TV show?
- Homer: Uh, well, um, oh what the hey. I think you're my pappy!
- Mason: Ga-whaaa?!
- Marge: Lisa, I'm not sure that letter is age-appropriate reading. Why can't the government edit our mail like other countries?
- Reverend Lovejoy: [heading for the toll booth] Don't worry, this one's on Jesus.
- [He takes out the church collection plate which is full of coins. The Jesus figurine on his dashboard looks as if it's about to cry.]
- Lovejoy: Oh, be cool for once.
- [Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie are at the retirement home visiting Grampa.]
- Marge: See, Grampa, you still have a family. We still visit you even though we have no biological obligation.
- Grampa: So, Homer couldn't make it?
- Lisa: No, but he told us to say hi. Hi!
- [Long pause.]
- Lisa: So...what setting is that fan on?
- [Pause.]
- Grampa: Medium.
- [Pause.]
- Lisa: I would've guessed low.
- [Pause.]
- Grampa: You would've guessed wrong.
