Wild Barts Can't Be Broken/Quotes
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"Wild Barts Can't Be Broken"
- Lisa: Why do you hate the Isotopes so much, Dad?
- Homer: Because, I loved them once and they broke my heart. Let that be a lesson to you, sweetie: never love anything.
- Lisa: Even you?
- Homer: Especially me.
- Dennis Conroy: And, what's this? He's pointing to the right field bleachers! Probably at a dying little boy.
- Bart: Mom, am I dying?
- Marge: No, of course not!
- Lisa: [whispering] Is he, Mom? You can tell me.
- Marge: No!
- Homer: So, who won? The losers?
- Bart: No, they lost.
- Homer: [chuckles] Losers.
- Marge: But only by two points. And they didn't resort to stealing bases like the other team, so it's kind of a moral victory.
- Lisa: With a little middle relief, they might even make the playoffs.
- Homer: You'll be in your cold, cold grave before that ever happens.
- Marge: Homer, would you please stop talking about the children's graves?
- Kent Brockman: ...Where this morning the three "R"'s stand for rowdiness, ransacking, and i-rresponsibility. Any suspects, Chief?
- Chief Wiggum: None. That's why we're jumping to the conclusion that this was the work of no good punk kids.
- Lisa: But it's not fair. Adults always blame kids for everything!
- Homer: Well, if kids are so innocent, why is everything bad named after them? Acting childish. Kidnapping. Child abuse..
- Bart: What about adultery?
- Homer: Not until you're older, son.
- Homer: Kids, the carnival's in town for one night only! And they've got cotton candy and hats with feathers and there's no lines because all the stupid kids have curfew! So-- Oh, right. Sorry.
- Milhouse: You think that's bad. I had to talk to my mom all night. She's got problems. Scary problems.
- Nelson: Adults blow.
- Bart: Yeah. Just look at 'em over there...
- Milhouse: Smoking their cigarettes...
- Lisa: Drinking their coffee...
- Bart: Scratching their big butts...
- Principal Skinner: Your metabolism will change someday, too, young man.
- Chief Wiggum: That oughta show little Timmy and Tammy Scumbag who's in charge around here.
- Creepy Bloodening kid 1: You're thinking about hurting us.
- Creepy Bloodening kid 2: Now you're thinking, "How did they know what I was thinking?"
- Creepy Bloodening kid 3: Now you're thinking "I hope that's shepherd's pie in my knickers."
- Lisa: Wait! We don't need supernatural powers! We already know their secrets.
- Bart: She's right! Homer's done a ton of crap that never made the papers.
- Martin: My Mom shoplifts. All the time. Stuff she doesn't even need.
- Nelson: My Dad gets in car accidents on purpose.
- Bart: [on radio] Now we come to Mr. Homer Simpson... Did you know he likes to eat out of the Flanders' garbage?
- Marge: Oh, Homer...
- Homer: I have a problem.
- Professor Frink: Brilliant. They transduced amplitude modulation via the concavity of that oversized beverage conveyance. I mean that is some clever goyvin.
- Chief Wiggum: All right, you kids come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.
- Homer: Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!