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Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble"/Quotes

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Season 10 Episode Quotes
210 "Lisa Gets an "A""
211
"Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble""
"Mayored to the Mob" 212


Bart: This ghost town is gonna be great. Now with 30 percent more gunfights!
Marge: And 40 percent more rootin' tootin'!

Marge: It's so sweet of you to take us out like this, Homie. Come on, kids, three cheers for your father! Hip hip--
Lisa: Mom, don't.
Marge: Hip hip--
Bart: We heard you the first time.
Marge: Hip hip--
Homer: Hey, I'm trying to drive here!

Homer: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?
Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there--
Homer: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything.

Tour guide: Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from St. Joe in three days, Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as a place where a trail hand could spend a month's pay in three minutes.
Homer: Three minutes? [whistles appreciatively]
Marge: I never realized history was so filthy.
Tour guide: First on our tour is the whorehouse. Then we'll visit the cat house, the brothel, the bordello, and finally, the old mission.
Marge: Oh, thank heaven.
Tour guide: Lots of prostitutes in there.

Homer: Hey robot, get your fat, metal ass down here!
Bartender: First of all, I'm not a robot. And second, I got this metal ass in 'Nam, defending this country for lazy jerks like you. Now, what'll you have, partner?

Grampa: Can't get a good sarsaparilla like this back in Springfield. It angries up the blood.
Bartender: You like it, huh?
Grampa: Up yours!

Grampa: Can I go to the bathroom before we leave?
Homer: Oh, we've gotta get home. I don't wanna miss, Inside the Actor's Studio. Tonight it's F. Murray Abraham.
Grampa: But I really need to--
Homer: [sternly] F. Murray Abraham.

Dr. Hibbert: Oh dear God! This man's kidneys have exploded. There's nothing left.
Marge: Oh, no!
Homer: Yep, that's what happens when you get older. It's one of those natural things. Beautiful in its way.
Dr. Hibbert: Uh, actually, his kidneys were fine yesterday when he had his annual checkup.
Homer: Excuse me, doctor. I think I know a little something about medicine...

Grampa: I don't feel so good. Maybe I oughta eat something.
Dr. Hibbert: Oh, I'm afraid your eating days are over. [chuckles]

Grampa: How long do I have to live, Doc?
Dr. Hibbert: [chuckles] I'm amazed you're alive now.

Homer: It's not an operation, Moe. The doctor says it's just a procedure.
Moe: Nah, nah, no. Makin' polenta, that's a procedure. You're talkin' about deadly, life-threatening surgery, here.

Homer: I'll do it. But if I die during the operation, will you do one thing for me?
Marge: Ohh, anything, sweetheart.
Homer: Blow up the hospital.
Marge: Well... I said I'd do it, so I guess I'll have to.
Homer: That's my girl.

Grampa: Am I dead yet?
Marge: No.
Grampa: How 'bout now?
Marge: No.
Grampa: Now?
Marge: I'll tell you when you're dead, Grampa.
Grampa: Thank you.

Homer: The sea forgives all. Not like those mean old mountains. I hate them so much.

Homer: Oh, I'd like to apply for a job. Any job. If you don't have a captain, I could be that.
Captain McCallister: Arr, what other ships have ye been on?
Homer: I've been on that one. The taffy shop.
Captain McCallister: Good enough.

Captain McCallister: Welcome aboard The Ship of Lost Souls.
Homer: The name on the back says "Honeybunch".
Captain McCallister: Arr, I've been meaning to paint over that.

Homer: Well, back on land, my name was Homer Simpson. And I guess it is here, too.

Lisa: Doctor Hibbert, I thought you'd located another kidney for Grampa.
Dr. Hibbert: Larry Hagman took it. He's got five of them now. And three hearts. We didn't want to give them to him, but he overpowered us.

Bart: Try not to move, Dad. You swallowed a lot of motor oil.

Dr. Hibbert: While we were setting your broken bones and putting your blood back in, we helped ourselves to a kidney and gave it to your father.
Homer: You butchers! Give it back! Gimme that!
Season 10 Quotes
Lard of the Dance The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace Bart the Mother Treehouse of Horror IX When You Dish Upon a Star D'oh-in' in the Wind Lisa Gets an "A" Homer Simpson in: "Kidney Trouble" Mayored to the Mob Viva Ned Flanders Wild Barts Can't Be Broken Sunday, Cruddy Sunday Homer to the Max I'm with Cupid Marge Simpson in: "Screaming Yellow Honkers" Make Room for Lisa Maximum Homerdrive Simpsons Bible Stories Mom and Pop Art The Old Man and the "C" Student Monty Can't Buy Me Love They Saved Lisa's Brain Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo