The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular/Quotes
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"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
- Troy McClure: Hello, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such Fox Network specials as Alien Nose Job and Five Fabulous Weeks of The Chevy Chase Show. Tonight we're here to honor America's favorite non-prehistoric cartoon family. You'll see long-lost footage... never-before-seen material from your favorite episodes... old favorites you can't see in syndication...
- Announcer: In the opening credits, what does the cash register say when Maggie is scanned?
- [commercial break]
- Announcer: It says... "N.R.A. Forever!" Just one of the hundreds of radical right-wing messages inserted into every show by creator Matt Groening.
- Troy McClure: Tonight we'll answer some of your questions. Professor Lawrence Pierce of the University of Chicago writes, "I think Homer gets stupider every year." That's not a question, Professor.
- Troy McClure: Doctor Linus Irvin of the Sloan-Kettering Memorial Institute writes, "How does Matt Groening find the time to write and draw an entire Simpsons episode every week?" For the answer to this, we went straight to the source.
- [cut to Matt Groening's office]
- Matt Groening: Get outta my office!! [shoots at the camera]
- [back at the studio]
- Troy McClure: Of course, what Matt meant to say -- according to his attorneys -- is that he couldn't possibly do it alone. And he insisted that we make time to acknowledge the hard work of everyone who makes The Simpsons possible.
- Troy McClure: Ambassador Henry Mwabwetumba of the Ivory Coast writes, "What is the real deal with Mr. Burns' assistant, Smithers? You know what I'm talking about." [chuckles] Of course we do.
- Troy McClure: As you can see, the "real deal" with Waylon Smithers is that he's Mr. Burns' assistant. He's in his early 40's, is unmarried, and currently resides in Springfield. Thanks for writing! We'll be right back.
- Announcer: Which popular "Simpsons" characters have died in the past year?
- [commercial break]
- Announcer: If you said Bleeding Gums Murphy and Dr. Marvin Monroe, you are wrong. They were never popular.
- Troy McClure: Right about now you're probably saying "Troy, I've seen every Simpsons episode. You can't show me anything new". [angrily] You've got some attitude, mister. [cheery again] Besides, you're wrong! Because sometimes episodes run long and certain scenes never get aired. So fire up your VCR, because here for the first time ever are the cut-out classics.
- James Bont: Well, at least tell me the details of your plot for world domination...
- Ernst Stavro Blofeld: [chuckles] Oh, I'm not going to fall for that one again.
- Bart: I'd sell my soul for a Formula One racing car!
- Flanders the Devil: That can be arranged.
- Bart: Changed my mind. Sorry. Cool!
- Marge: Bart! Stop pestering Satan!
- Mr. Burns: The one who shot me was... Waylon Smithers!
- Waylon Smithers: Nooo! Wait a minute. Yes.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers had thwarted my attempt to take candy from a baby, but with him out of the picture, I was free to wallow in my own crapulance. Or so I thought. At the last moment, Smithers, drunk as a lemur, lurched out of the darkness and fired.
- Smithers: That's right. Just before I'd shot Jasper. I was busy that night.
- Marge: Well, I'm just relieved that Homer's safe and you're recovered and we can all get back to normal.
- Mr. Burns: Not exactly. Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut.
- Smithers: [moans]
- Troy McClure: Yes, the Simpsons have come a long way since an old drunk made humans out of his rabbit characters to pay off his gambling debts. Who knows what adventures they'll have between now and the time the show becomes unprofitable? I'm Troy McClure, and I'll leave you with what we all came here to see -- hard-core nudity!