Radioactive Man/Quotes
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- Executive: I don't see why Rainier Wolfcastle should be the star. I think we should bring back Dirk Richter. Kids will want to see the original Radioactive Man.
- Producer: I keep telling you, he is 73 years old and he's dead.
- Executive: Granted, but...
- Director: Besides we want to stay as far away from the campy 70s version as possible.
- [Director imagines TV show.]
- Fallout Boy: Billowing backpacks Radioactive Man, it's the worst villain of them all, the Scoutmaster!
- Radioactive Man: I see him, Fallout Boy.
- Scoutmaster: Go get 'em, scouts. Don't be afraid to use your nails, boys!
- [Fight sequence begins where Radioactive Man and Fallout Boy attack the Scoutmaster's underlings to still-shot fighting, where expressions such as POO! ZUFF!, SNUH!, BORT! flash on screen. Suddenly several pretty girls in hotpants appear in middle of fight and start dancing to pop music. Defeated hoods get back up and start dancing with Radioactive Man, Fallout Boy, and the girls. Scene then returns to present.]
- Director: [shudders]
- Coach: Up and atom!
- Rainier: Up and at them.
- Coach: Up and atom!
- Rainier: Up and at them!
- Coach: [annoyed] Up and atom!
- Rainier: [louder] Up and at them!
- Coach: Better.
- Director: Congratulations Bart Simpson, you're our new Fallout Boy! That's what I would be saying if you weren't an inch too short. Next!
- Lionel Hutz: Out of the way... Milhouse, baby! Lionel Hutz, your new agent, body guard, unauthorized biographer, and drug dealer... er, keeper-awayer.
- Milhouse: Aah! Leave me alone!
- [Milhouse runs to the Van Houten residence and shuts the door to get away from the mob of screaming girls chasing him.]
- Milhouse: Mom! Dad! Make 'em stop! What is all this stuff?
- [Kirk van Houten is unpacking a large flat screen TV.]
- Kirk: We've heard you've become a star. We've decided we better start living in the fast lane.
- Milhouse: What if I'm not a success? How will you pay for all this?
- [Luann is wearing a bikini and in a device that looks like a gigantic, transparent snowsuit.]
- Luann: I'm sorry, I can't hear you, son! I'm wearing a jacuzzi suit.
- Director: We have got to do the "jiminy jilickers" scene again, Milhouse.
- Milhouse: But we already did it. It took us seven hours, but we did it. It's done.
- Director: Yes... But we have got to do it from different angles. Again and again and again and again and again.
- [Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Rainier Wolfcastle as Radioactive Man is tied up. Director is readying the scene.]
- Director: OK, listen up, everybody: this is the hardest, most expensive scene in the movie, and we only get one shot at it, so we have to do it right. Fallout Boy will untie Radioactive Man and pull him to safety moments before he's hit with a forty-foot wall of sulfuric acid that will horribly burn everything in its path. Now, that's real acid, so I want to see goggles, people! [director and crew don goggles]
- Rainier Wolfcastle: [nervously] Real acid?
- Director: OK, roll film... tip the acid vats... and—action!
- Radioactive Man: Ach... only Fallout Boy can save me now.
- Director: Where's Fallout Boy?
- [Acid flows, Milhouse is absent.]
- Director: Where's Fallout Boy?!
- [Rainier Wolfcastle dons goggles, then immediately afterward gets swept up in wave of acid.]
- Rainier Wolfcastle: My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
- [Rainier Wolfcastle is swept out of SNPP and the acid breaks through a wall in a trailer as well as melting the Radioactive Man costume. Wolfcastle is trapped in the broken wall with his naked rear end visible to everyone outside.]
