Homer at the Bat/Quotes
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- [Jose Canseco is walking by a burning house when he hears a baby crying.]
- Woman: My baby!
- Jose Canseco: Don't worry ma'am, I'll save your baby!
- Jose Canseco runs into burning house and emerges with baby.
- Woman: Thank you!
- [Cat mewling is heard.]
- Woman: My cat!
- Jose Canseco: Never fear ma'am, I'll save your cat!
- [Jose Canseco runs into burning house and emerges with cat.]
- Woman: Thank you Mr. Canseco!
- ["Camptown Races" is heard.]
- Woman: My player-piano!
- Jose Canseco: Oh, man!
- [Springfield Hospital. Dr. Hibbert is using a Geiger counter on a sick Mike Scoscia.]
- Dr. Hibbert: Er Mike try to lift your arm.
- Mike Scioscia: Can't... lift arm... or speak... at... normal... rate
- Dr. Hibbert: Now son, it looks like you have acute radiation poisoning.
- Mike Scioscia: Will... I... be... able... to... play... softball... tomorrow?
- Dr. Hibbert: [laughs] No, by tomorrow you'll barely be able to breath!
- Mike Scioscia: Oh...man...
- Nurse: Doctor come quick! Ken Griffey Jr. needs your help immediately, it looks like an overdose of nerve tonic.
- [Dr. Hibbert sees Ken Griffey Junior in a wheelchair with an enlarged cranium.]
- Dr. Hibbert: Oh my lord, gigantism!
- [Wade Boggs is arguing in Moe's Tavern with a drunken Barney Gumble.]
- Barney: And I say England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
- Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
- Barney: Lord Palmerston!
- Boggs: Pitt the Elder!!
- Barney: O.K. You asked for it Boggs!
- [Barney knocks Boggs out.]
- Moe: Yeah, that's showing him, Barney! Heh, Pitt the Elder.
- Barney: Lord Palmerston!!!
- [Barney knocks Moe out too.]
