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Bart the Murderer/Quotes

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Season 3 Episode Quotes
038 "When Flanders Failed"
039
"Bart the Murderer"
"Homer Defined" 040


[A press conference about a hijacked Laramie Cigarettes truck, to which Fat Tony is considered the chief suspect.]
Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer upon Springfield! And I am the, uh, whatever cures cancer.
Reporter: People have been demanding to know what will happen about the resulting tobacco shortage in Springfield.
Chief Wiggum: I will now turn it over to a spokesman from Laramie Cigarettes.
Laramie Spokesman: I am sorry to hear of the hijacking. To make up for this Laramie Tobacco has sent a new truck to Springfield, and the driver has been specifically instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
Audience: YAY!

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
(Fat) Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!

[Bart's nightmare. Bart is running in an open field. An undead Skinner comes out of his grave.]
Skinner's Ghost: You killed me Bart!
[Bart runs to a shack near a cliff and opens the door. There he sees an undead Skinner who was lynched.]
Skinner's Ghost: You killed me Bart!
[Bart then finds himself in an unnamed prison, which has a neon sign that flashes like a discotechque.]
Sign: DEATH HOUSE.
[A mob of angry people have come to see Bart's execution, among them Homer.]
Homer: Yeah! Fry my boy!
[Cell. In the only quiet part of dream, a prison guard lets Reverend Lovejoy into Bart's cell.]
Bart: Reverend Lovejoy? Have you come to give me my condolences?
Reverend Lovejoy: As a matter of tradition more than anything.
Reverend Lovejoy pats Bart's shoulder ½-heartedly.
Reverend Lovejoy: [wooden] There, there. There, there.
[Electric chair. Bart is strapped to electric chair and executioner pulls switch. The horror of being executied sufficienly scares Bart awake.]
Bart: AAAUUUGH!
Season 3 Quotes
Stark Raving Dad Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington When Flanders Failed Bart the Murderer Homer Defined Like Father, Like Clown Treehouse of Horror II Lisa's Pony Saturdays of Thunder Flaming Moe's Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk I Married Marge Radio Bart Lisa the Greek Homer Alone Bart the Lover Homer at the Bat Separate Vocations Dog of Death Colonel Homer Black Widower The Otto Show Bart's Friend Falls in Love Brother, Can You Spare Two Dimes?