Guess Who's Coming to Skinner/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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"Guess Who's Coming to Skinner"
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- Bart: Well, there's only one cure for this type of boredom. A Gilded Age home invasion.
- Principal Skinner: This horseplay stops now. Globes down.
- Bart: Heads up.
- Principal Skinner: Raise my head? Heard and understood.
- Principal Skinner: Oh, these past weeks have been difficult. Five eyeball surgeries. Two lid grafts. Now I have rods, but no cones. But I have a purpose. Even though it's the last day before spring break, I had to come back so I could say the words every principal dreams of saying. [to Homer and Marge] You are garbage parents.
- Marge: Garbage parents?
- Homer: Even me?
- Principal Skinner: All you parents are the same. Take credit when your kids succeed and make excuses when they fail. It's disgusting. It's because of parents like you that... [over the PA] I hate children!
- Agnes Skinner: [letter left for Skinner] Dear Seymour, I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital. Oh. No mother wants to see her son... period.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Go away. I'm about to score with my wife.
- Principal Skinner: But there's a creature loose in the school.
- Willie: Why didn't you say so, man?
- Maisie MacWeldon: Our Scottish Scrabble game can wait. Now go kill a frightened, defenseless animal that stumbled into the world of man.
- Hub: I'm a ghost of a kid who died long ago when kids used to die all the time.
- Groundskeeper Willie: A specter! Those weren't dog bones I found in the sandbox!
- Principal Skinner: This blatant infraction is going directly into your file.
- Hub: Well, good luck with that, sparkle tears. I'm not in there.
- Principal Skinner: You're not enrolled? But I've seen you. You're in Ms. Peyton's class. One of those kids that sits in the back between Eyeglasses Girl and Bucktooth Boy and never speaks.
- Principal Skinner: Where are your parents?
- Hub: Where are your parents?
- Principal Skinner: My mother's with Jasper, and my father's ashes are in a bag in the upstairs sewing room.
- Principal Skinner: I've got this, sir. I'm calling Child Services.
- Superintendent Chalmers: You do, and I will cut you like a bitch.
- Superintendent Chalmers: The next time I see you, you better have my money... requisition forms for next year's textbooks.
- Hub: [to Skinner] Oh, my God. You are so dumb. How did you live this long?
- Principal Skinner: Get back in here.
- Hub: Aw. But I was gonna go out and find America. This was fun, but I gotta go. You've been a great host. Five stars.
- Principal Skinner: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson. I come to you hat in hand. I've never had to deal with a child outside the hours of 8:10 to 2:45. I need your advice. How do I handle this handful?
- [Homer and Marge start laughing]
- Homer: You're asking us? The garbage parents?
- Marge: [cackles] But we spawned a monster.
- [both start cackling]
- Homer: One day with a kid, and he's already broken.
- [both laughing]
- Marge: And now he needs our help.
- Hub: I'm cold. Can you turn the heat up?
- Nelson Muntz: You're the client. [farts]
- Hub: You saved me. All I've done is say mean stuff to you, run away and scratch up all your records where dogs bark Christmas carols.
- Principal Skinner: It's fine. Those dogs are long dead anyway. It's not like I can go see them in concert again.
- Principal Skinner: I did it. I'm parenting, and I'm good at it.
- Hub: Okay, so, the thing you guys don't get about Farmer McGregor is he's the best actor in the world, and you're just a bunch of dumb animals. Now, let's have fun with this.
- Martin Prince: What the hell is this [bleep]? Farmer McGregor only has three lines and two of them are, "Here comes Peter Rabbit." Me.
- Ms. Peyton: Milhouse is a joy to have in the room. He just needs to stop practicing his kissing on female lunch box images.
- Kirk Van Houten: You hear that, Luann? Female.
- Nelson: Ha-ha! You thought he was running to you.
- Principal Skinner: Your mother dances for coupons, and your father has a second family he loves more than you.
- Nelson: [whimpers]
- Hub: Mom and Dad dumped me at boarding school with a bunch of other snooty jerks with rich parents who don't give a crap. I couldn't take it, so I bailed and came to Springfield. I liked it here.
- Mr. Hubley: And now we've found you.
- Hub: Yeah, well, it only took you like five months.
- Hub: [as Farmer McGregor] A farmer rises with the sun, coaxing life out of the earth and nourishing the beasts under his dominion. But I wanna talk about one particular creature on my farm. A wayward mouse who had been abandoned by his rich mouse parents at an elite boarding farm.
- Lisa: Wait, I didn't write any of this mouse junk.
- Milhouse Van Houten: You didn't write anything. You just ran the room.
- Lisa: Picking good stuff is just as hard as creating good stuff.
- Hub: [as Farmer McGregor] The mouse ran away and hid in the barn, blending in with the other animals, afraid to call attention to himself. Then, a kind old mouse found him. He shared with him the cheese of encouragement. And with that, the mouse spread his wings and became a magnificent Mr. Pibbb-drinking butterfly. But now, the little mouse has to leave, and he'll never forget the kind older mouse who believed in him, allowing him to see more.
