Thirst Trap: A Corporate Love Story/Quotes
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"Thirst Trap: A Corporate Love Story"
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- Mr. Burns: So, you want me to talk about Persephone Odair? That's easy. She was a brilliant entrepreneur who wanted to save the world. How I wish that was her only shortcoming.
- Narrator: This story is about a little girl who had a dream. But it begins with another little girl who allowed us to use the footage from when she interviewed the first little girl who is no longer a little girl.
- Lisa: What was the "aha moment" that gave you the idea to start LifeBoat?
- Persephone Odair: Great question. And, Lisa, great questions are the jackhammers, which demo the walls built by distrupto-phobes to create the open floorplan of innovation.
- Lisa: I've always thought that about questions.
- Persephone: Lisa, my grandfather was a World War II sailor whose ship was torpedoed. He was stranded on a lifeboat, Lisa, surrounded by water but not a drop to drink.
- Lisa: Don't tell me he died.
- Persephone: Worse. He gave up. And then he died, of quitting and super-duper dehydration.
- Oil executive: We sell chemicals that can put out that fire. Granted, those chemicals turn alligators into Godzillas, but we're working on a bomb that can fix that.
- Persephone: Success is a decision. Dare to choose it, sir. Dare to.
- Mr. Burns: Of course. Like how I chose to be born rich.
- Mr. Burns: In addition, all workers in sector 7-G are immediately fired...
- Homer: Hey, that's me! Screw you, pig!
- Mr. Burns: And are rehired at higher tech industry salaries.
- Homer: Bless you, pig!
- Homer: Um, is this one of those documentaries where I'm not supposed to look at the camera? Or is it like The Office where I always look at it and do a big take so the audience knows when to laugh?
- Homer: Tech salaries are the greatest. This week, I gave Marge 200 stock options to go grocery shopping.
- Marge: It didn't work at all. I had to put all the food back on the shelves.
- Marge: The whole company got so paranoid. Because of those NDAs he signed, Homer couldn't even tell me how his day was.
- Homer: I can neither confirm nor deny I had a day.
- Professor Frink: Well, it was strange they wouldn't let me look inside the machines, since my title was Chief Engineer of Inside the Machine.
- Mr. Burns: I wanted to give my wife... wow, wife, still getting used to saying that... A little something special for her birthday.
- Persephone: A Twitter gift card?
- Mr. Burns: No. I bought you Twitter. The whole company. It was a bargain. The previous owner had to sell it after his self-driving Mars rocket crashed into the International Space Station.
- Kara Swisher: Montgomery Burns wasn't happy with the documentary about his wife's start-up, so he bought the company that made it, but that didn't stop others from telling the story, because the business of business documentaries is big business.
- Homer: Carl. You sent the message. You've been working in the lab all along?
- Carl Carlson: If I didn't do their dirty work, they'd tell the world my dark secret. I've been to 700 Jimmy Buffett concerts! I'm a parrot-head.
- Mr. Burns: Nonsense. My wife is a beautiful genius, who succeeds at everything she touches. And everything she says makes perfect sense.
- Persephone: The wheel of tomorrow is an aqua-circle. Let's make it rain.
- Persephone: Water is the original crypto. Every drop is encoded on the biological blockchain, and we are the aquanauts of the potable future. This is wet 3.0!
- Mr. Burns: I don't understand a thing she's ever said.
- Mr. Burns: Dear. Those children are going to drink poison. And the bad news is... I'm going to be liable. Liable!
- Mr. Burns: Yes, I was besotted, blind to her machinations. She cost me billions. It wasn't that she was evil, I love evil. It's that she still insists she's good.
- Christiane Amanpour: Testing showed your de-salinator did absolutely nothing, your company is bankrupt, and in the divorce, Mr. Burns somehow got your high school friends. What happens from here?
- Persephone: Well, Christiane Amanpour, as you say, things have never looked better for the company.
- Christiane Amanpour: I didn't say that. The reality is, you're in jail.
