El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer/Quotes

Quotes

Season 8 Episode Quotes

←

161

"Hurricane Neddy"

162
"El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer"

"The Springfield Files"

163

→

[In the Simpson house, Marge has been acting strangely all morning: Cutting things out of the newspaper, running the vacuum cleaner during Homer's phone conversation with Lenny (which keeps him from hearing about something big and annual), and now smoking a cigarette. Homer is suspicious when she doesn't want him to open the front door to let fresh air into the house.]

Homer: "What's wrong with you? What are you trying to hide from me? [opens the front door and sniffs] What's that smell? Onions... chili powder... cumin... juicy ground chuck? Oh, my God, I'm missing the Chili Cook-Off! [whining and fidgeting] I'm missing the Cook-Off, it's going on right now, and I'm missing it!"

Marge: "All right! I was trying to keep it from you! But I had a good reason. Every time you go to that Cook-Off you get as drunk as a poet on payday!"

[Flashback to last year's Chili Cook-Off. People are shocked as a naked Homer is cavorting in the cotton candy machine.]

Homer: [drunk, slurred speech] "Look at me! I'm a puffy pink cloud!"

[Return to present.]

Homer: "Well, of course everything looks bad when you remember it!"

[Homer interrupts Marge while she's looking at Lenny's crafts booth.]

Homer: "Maaaaaarrge! We're missing the chili! Less artsy, more fartsy!"

Marge: "Homer, I happen to like handicrafts much more than stuffing my face."

Homer: "Fine, I'll come find you when I'm ready to stop having fun."

[While Homer goes to the chili, Marge takes in the square dancing. Smithers approaches her.]

Smithers: Evenin', little lady. Ya reckon a square could get a dance?

Marge: It looks so complicated. Do you know how?

Smithers: Ma'am, I wouldn't honk the honk if I couldn't tonk the tonk.

Chief Wiggum: That Homer Simpson! He thinks he is the Pope of Chilitown!

[Homer's first taste of Chief Wiggum's chili burns his mouth due to Wiggum's including a bunch of Guatemalan Insanity Peppers in his recipe. Homer returns with his mouth protected by candle wax, then casually gulps down several of the peppers while a shocked crowd watches.]

Mayor Quimby: Good Lord, this can't be happening!

Dr. Hibbert: By all medical logic, steam should be shooting out of his ears.

Krusty: His ears if we're lucky!

Homer: [hallucinating due to the peppers] I hope I didn't brain my damage.

Coyote: There is a lesson you must learn.

Homer: If it's about laying off the insanity peppers, I'm way ahead of you.

[The next morning, Homer wakes up on a golf course and attempts to rationalize his chili hallucination.]

Homer: Huh? Golf course? Did I dream that whole thing? Maybe the desert was just this sand trap. Oh, and I bet that crazy pyramid was just the pro shop. [the pro shop is shaped like a giant pyramid] And that talking coyote was really just a talking dog.

Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate!

Homer: Hey, wait a minute! There's no such thing as a talking dog.

Dog: [barks]

Homer: Damn straight!

[In search for his soul mate, Homer calls a Personals ad.]

Homer: Hello? Is this ..uh... G B M? Uh, yeah. I read in the personals you were seeking a soulmate. Well, I also like rainy days and movies. Uh-huh... [apprehensively] uh, no, I don't like that... or that... No, it's not that I'm afraid. [now speaking very quickly] I'm gonna hang up now, bye-bye!

[In the lighthouse, Marge catches up to Homer and they patch up their differences.]

Homer: Wow, Marge, you really do understand me. See, I thought we weren't soulmates because...

Marge: [completing Homer's sentence] We had a fight?

Homer: Right, and we don't like the same things. It's like you're from Venus...

Marge: And you're from Mars.

Homer: Oh, sure, give me the one with all the monsters.

Homer: Hey Barney, soulmate! Let me buy you a beer.

Barney: Okay, but I'm not your soulmate. I'm really more of a chum.

Homer: What about you, Lenny?

Lenny: I'm a crony.

Homer: Carl?

Carl: I'd say acquaintance.

Larry: Colleague.

Sam: Sympathizer.

Bumblebee Man: Compadre.

Kearney: Associate.

Dr. Hibbert: Contemporary.

Moe: I'm a well-wisher, in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

[Homer is in the lighthouse, and his silhouette is being projected into the sky by the lighthouse's lamp.]

Bart: [looking out a window and seeing the silhouette] Hey, look! Is that Dad?

Lisa: Either that, or Batman's really let himself go!

← Season 7 Season 8 Quotes Season 9 →
Treehouse of Horror VII • You Only Move Twice • The Homer They Fall • Burns, Baby Burns • Bart After Dark • A Milhouse Divided • Lisa's Date with Density • Hurricane Neddy • El Viaje Misterioso de Nuestro Jomer • The Springfield Files • The Twisted World of Marge Simpson • Mountain of Madness • Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious • The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show • Homer's Phobia • Brother from Another Series • My Sister, My Sitter • Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment • Grade School Confidential • The Canine Mutiny • The Old Man and the Lisa • In Marge We Trust • Homer's Enemy • The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase • The Secret War of Lisa Simpson