  
In Marge We Trust/Quotes
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- Marge: Oh my goodness. Kids! Homer! We're late for church! I'm glad I dressed last night.
- Homer: Oh, I'd love to go with you, honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed.
- Marge: Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.
- Homer: In that case, he should've made the week an hour longer. Lousy God.
- Reverend Lovejoy: I seem to have lost my place, so I'll start over.
- Moe Szyslak: Aw, for the love of crumb cake!
- Marge: Hey, calm down. You're wrinkling your church clothes!
- Homer: Who cares? This is the best part of the week!
- Lisa: It's the longest possible time before more church.
- Marge: Church shouldn't be a chore. It should help you in your daily life.
- Homer: It should, but it doesn't.
- Reverend Lovejoy: So what's on your mind, Marge?
- Marge: ...sermons about "constancy" and "prudissitude" are all very well and good, but the church could be doing so much more to reach out to people.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, I don't see you volunteering to make things better.
- Marge: Well... okay. I will volunteer!
- Reverend Lovejoy: I wasn't prepared for that.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, you are a real time-saver. Do you know, thanks to you, I've rediscovered a form of shame that's gone unused for 700 years.
- Principal Skinner: [over phone] Reverend, this is Principal Skinner. I'm facing a crisis and I didn't know to whom to turn.
- Reverend Lovejoy: All right.
- Principal Skinner: [over phone] Mother's gone too far. She's put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented Man Without a Face -- I didn't even know he had a problem. What should I do?
- Reverend Lovejoy: Well, maybe you should read your Bible.
- Principal Skinner: [over phone] Um, any particular passage?
- Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, it's all good.
- Principal Skinner: [over phone] All right. Thanks anyway.
- Young Ned Flanders: Reverend, I'm a... I'm afraid something terrible has happened.
- Young Lovejoy: Well, sit down and rap with me, brother. That's what I'm here for.
- Young Flanders: Well, I was talked into doing a dance called "the bump", but my hip slipped and my buttocks came into contact with the buttocks of another young man!
- Young Lovejoy: I... see.
- Ned Flanders: [over phone] ...Well, I... I think I may be coveting my own wife...
- Homer: Why would you volunteer at the church?
- Marge: I don't know... guilt?
- Homer: [snickers] Volunteering is for suckers! Do you know that so-called "volunteers" don't even get paid?
- Marge: Homer! Will you get that crazy box off the dinner table? It came from the dump.
- Homer: But Marge, I'm obsessed with it! Where did it come from? What is it a box of? How'd my face get on it?!
- Bart: Hey, if they got a picture of you, that means they can see you. They're probably watching us right now.
- Marge: That's ridiculous. Nobody is watching us right now.
- Akira Kurosawa: Ah yes, this is a product called "Mr. Sparkle." Very popular dish detergent. Hey, he looks like you!
- Lisa: What's he saying?
- Akira: He identifies himself as a magnet for foodstuffs... He boasts that he will banish dirt to the land of wind and ghosts
- Lisa: Wow.
- Akira: Yes. You have very lucky dishes, Mr. Simpson. This soap is from the sacred forest of Hokkaido. Renowned for its countless soap factories.
- Lenny Leonard: See, all along, I been telling Carl I'm married to a beauty queen. Now he's comin' over for dinner.
- Marge: Oh, Lenny, I'm sure he'll like your wife no matter what she looks like.
- Lenny: No, no, no, no, no, no, it's worse than that. I don't even have a wife. I just said I did to, you know, be a big-shot.
- Marge: Oh. Well, it's time to start telling the truth. Now, when I have to tell my husband the truth, I cook him a big delicious dinner. By the time he's done eating, he's too full and tired to care what I have to say.
- Lenny: Wow, that's great! When Carl comes over, I'll stuff him 'til he don't know what's what.
- Homer: I'd like the phone book for Hokkaido, Japan, please.
- Librarian: Okay. Here you go. The phone book for Hokkaido, Japan.
- Homer: Thank you. May I please use your phone?
- Librarian: Is it a local call?
- Homer: Yes.
- Factory worker: Hello Chief. Let's talk why not?
- Homer: Uh, hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle?
- Factory worker: Oh, you like Mr. Sparkle?
- Homer: Well, I am Mr. Sparkle!
- Factory worker: You have many question Mr. Sparkle. I send you premium, answer question hundred percent.
- Reverend Lovejoy: I'm a shepherd without a flock. What have I done to lose them?
- Saint Eleutherius: The real question is, what have you done to keep them?
- Reverend Lovejoy: Ah, St. Eleutherius of Nicomedia.
- Saint Eleutherius: That's my name -- don't wear it out.
- Saint Lucian: Tell us, good Reverend, what great deeds have you done to inspire the hearts of men?
- Reverend Lovejoy: Well, I had the vestibule recarpeted.
- Saint Donickus: I've appeared in over 8,000 visions, and that's the lamest reply I've ever heard.
- Reverend Lovejoy: Attention, H-O scale passengers: the dining car is closed. Root beer is still available but the cost is now $6.50. If the passengers will look to the right, you will see a sad man. That is all.
- Homer: That didn't explain anything. All I know is they stole my face and used it for their stupid "logo". There's no other explanation.
- Lisa: Wait, look.
- Japanese announcer: Mr. Sparkle: a joint venture of Matsumura Fishworks...and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern.
- Lisa: Hey, it was all a coincidence!
- Bart: Yep. There's your answer, Fish Bulb.
- Homer: Well, it was a good ride while it lasted. C'mon kids. Let's go home.
- Bart: We are home.
- Homer: That was fast.
- Marge: Oh, good morning, Maude.
- Maude Flanders: Morning, Marge. Ahm... did your husband come home last night?
- Marge: Of course he did.
- Maude: Really? Oh. Because the thing is, um... mine didn't.
- Marge: [alarmed gasp] Oh my God... Ned!
- Marge: Donny!
- Donny: What?
- Marge: Did you see a man being chased by some young hooligans?
- Donny: I see lotsa stuff.
- Marge: Did you see that?
- Donny: Yes.
- Ned Flanders: Help! What do I do?!
- Lisa: Play dead!
- Homer: No, run around in circles!
- Bart: No, act like a lion!
- Marge: Swipe at the dominant male! C'mon, Ned, knock that monkey down!
- Ned Flanders: Tell Maude I want a fancy funeral. Big coffin. Lotsa jewels.
- Reverend Lovejoy: ...Baboons to the left of me, baboons to the right, the speeding locomotive tore through a sea of inhuman fangs. A pair of the great apes rose up at me, but BIFF! BAM! I sent them flying like two hairy footballs. A third came screaming at me And that's when I got mad...
- Homer: Now that's religion.
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