Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Krusty the Clown: Hey Hey! It's great to be back at the Apollo Theater and, uh... [sees the KKK sign behind him] KKK?! That's not good. [laughs nervously]
- Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her... during the commercial.
- Bart: A nanny?!
- Homer: But how am I supposed to pay for that?
- Lisa: We'll find a way. Mom has made so many sacrifices for us—it's time we gave up something for her. I'll stop buying Malibu Stacy clothing.
- Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
- Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
- Lisa: But he didn't do anything!
- Homer: Didn't he Lisa? Didn't he? Hey, wait a minute, he didn't!
- Kearney: I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids, and if they get out of line-Pow!
- Homer: I like him!
- Kearney: Thanks. Hey, where do you keep the liquor?
- Homer: I hide a bottle of Schnapps in the baby's crib.
- Marge: I'm sorry, young man, you're not what we're looking for.
- Shary Bobbins: Hello. I'm Shary Bobbins.
- Homer: Did you say Mary Pop--
- Shary Bobbins: No. I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse and Monald Muck. Now, as your nanny, I'll do everything from telling stories to changing diapers.
- Grampa: Put me down for one of each.
- Homer: Okay. Question two—who was your last employer?
- Shary Bobbins: Lord and Lady Huffington of Sussex.
- Homer: Marge, do we know them?
- Marge: No.
- Homer: Come on—isn't he the guy I bowl with? The black guy?
- Marge: That's Carl.
- Homer: Oh yeah. So, you worked for Carl, eh?
- Bart: Pop quiz, hotshot. I'm s'posed to be doing my homework, but you find me upstairs reading a Playdude. What do you do? What do you do?
- Shary Bobbins: I make you read every article in that magazine, including Norman Mailer's latest claptrap about his waning libido.
- Homer: Ooh, she is tough.
- Groundskeeper Willie: Aye, Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the Ugliest Man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
- Shary Bobbins: It's good to see you, Willie.
- Willie: That's not what you said the first time you saw me!
- Shary Bobbins: Oh, Mr. Burns, I think you'll find all life's problems just float away when you're flying a kite.
- Mr. Burns: Balderdash. This is the silliest load of... Ooh, look at it fly. Whee! Look at me, Smithers, I feel practically superduperfragicaliexpiala-dohhhh!
- [lightning strikes the kite, electrocuting Burns]
- Mr. Burns: Hm. What's this strange sensation in my chest?
- Waylon Smithers, Jr.: I think your heart's beating again.
- Mr. Burns: Ooh. That takes me back. God bless you Shary Bobbins.
- Homer: Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding.
- Bart: The secret ingredient is blood.
- Homer: Blood, uch! I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.
- Homer: Shary Bobbins! I want another beer!
- Shary Bobbins: [singing] If there's a job that must be done, you'll find it's much more fun.
- Homer: You'll find it's even more fun if you get it for me.
- Shary Bobbins: [singing] But the beer will taste more sweet, if you get up off your seat-
- Bart: Lady, the man asked for a beer, not a song.
- Bart and Lisa: Good-bye Shary Bobbins!
- Marge: Thanks for everything!
- Barney: So long, Superman!