The Springfield Files/Quotes
Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
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163
"The Springfield Files"
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- Bart: [telling a scary story] ...and that's how much money college will cost for Maggie.
- Homer: No... no... NOOOOOOOOOOO!
- Mr. Burns: La la, la la la la [skips off into the woods]
- Dr. Nick: The most rewarding part was when he gave me my money.
- Mr Burns: Yes, and now that I'm back to normal I don't bring you peace and love I bring you hate and...
- Dr Nick: Time for a booster! [Jabs needle in Burns]
- Mr Burns: Good morning starshine, the earth says hello...
- Squeaky-voiced teen: I'm Leonard Nimoy, goodnight, and keep watching the skis! ... I mean, skies.
- Mulder: Look at this Scully. There's been another unsubstantiated UFO sighting in the heartland of America. We've got to get there right away.
- Scully: Well, gee Mulder. There's also this report of a shipment of drugs and illegal weapons coming into New Jersey tonight.
- Mulder: I hardly think the FBI is concerned with matters like that.
- Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around the city, keeping its speed over fifty. And if its speed dropped, the bus would explode! I think it was called... "The bus that couldn't slow down."
- Mr. Burns: So, another Friday is upon us. What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt!
- Smithers: Wha...? What?!
- Mr. Burns: You know. Light-hearted, fancy-free. "Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!" [chuckles]
- Smithers: Exactly sir! [laughs nervously]
- Jasper: Thank God it's Wednesday. [swallows pills]
- Mrs. Glick: It's Friday.
- Jasper: Uh-oh. Wrong pills.
- [Hair grows all over Jasper's body, as Mrs. Glick watches on.]
- Jasper: ...Little help?
- Homer: Well, it's 1 AM. Better go home and spend some quality time with the kids.
- Marge: Homer, it's 2 AM. What happened?
- Homer: It was an alien, Marge! It appeared in front of me and said "Don't be Afraid."
- Marge: Have you been drinking?
- Homer: No! [pause] Well, ten beers.
- [Moulder and Scully watch Homer run on a tread-mill.]
- Moulder: Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?
- Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight.
- Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
- Scully: [in a trance] Yes. It's like a lava lamp.
- Homer: Please! Don't hurt me!
- Alien: [Gentle voice] Don't be afraid.
- Homer: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
- [Begins running through the field of grass, creating a handwritten writing of "Yahhh!" in the grass.]
- Homer: I'm telling you, I saw a creature from another planet.
- Lisa: Maybe you just dreamed it.
- Homer: Oh yeah? Well, when I came to, I was covered with a sticky, translucent goo. Explain that!
- Marge: [Serves him] More sausage?
- [Homer starts drooling.]
- Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," the chances are 175 million to one of another form of life actually coming in contact with ours.
- Homer: So?
- Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs. Oh, and you, Dad. [nervous laugh]
