Dark Knight Court/Quotes
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- Bart: I know this looks bad. And I admit, I would totally lie in a second to Lisa or Mom or Dad, but I would never lie to Maggie. I did not do that prank.
- Lisa: Your Honor, I think we've seen enough. I have demolished the prosecution's claims and made the prosecutor sweat through two shirts. I move that you dismiss this case and release this sweet, lovable boy.
- Janet Reno: Motion denied. Miss Simpson, your grandstanding summation contained a grievous error. By calling your brother sweet and lovable, you opened the door to testimony from anyone who doesn't think he's sweet and lovable.
- Seymour Skinner: The prosecution calls everyone in the world!
- Waylon Smithers: I think you just sent away the first person you could have actually helped.
- Mr. Burns: What do you mean, "actually"? I've punched out four Homer Simpson shaped burglars tonight alone.
- Waylon Smithers: All those crooks were fakes, set up by me.
- Mr. Burns: Even the Abominable Dr. Lenny?
- Waylon Smithers: No, he was a happy accident. But the rest were fakes, just like you, a man who claims to be a hero but is nothing more than a fraud with a cute little bod.
- Mr. Burns: Smithers, I, too, shall become a crime-fighting bat.
- Waylon Smithers: Hmm.
- Mr. Burns: But I won't become just any bat. I shall be the terrifying bat who swoops from the sky and sucks the vital essence of his prey. I shall be Fruit Bat Man!
- Waylon Smithers: Great, great. I-I don't suppose you'll be forgetting about this tomorrow?
- Mr. Burns: No sooner than I'd forget my own mother.
- Waylon Smithers: That's not your mother, that's your bear.
- Mr. Burns: Well, then, where's my stuffed mother?
- Lisa: Just remember this: a Simpson never gives up.
- [The rest of the family laughs at her]
- Lisa: This kilt says you framed my brother. Why?
- Willie: Because I hate Easter. You see, ladies, I'm not just a Presbyterian, I'm a Scottish Old Believer Presbyterian! Old Believers don't recognize holidays not celebrated by the original apostles, especially one named after the pagan god, Eostre!
