Difference between revisions of "She Used to Be My Girl/Quotes"

Revision as of 09:25, October 12, 2017

Bart: Mom, the dog won't take his medicine.

Marge: It helps to wrap it in a slice of cheese.

[she wraps it in a slice of cheese and holds it in front of Santa's Little Helper, but Homer runs in]

Homer: Woo-Hoo! Free cheese!

[he swallows the cheese-wrapped pill]

Marge: Homer, that was for the dog!

Homer: What happened to us, Marge? We used to feed each other cheese and laugh all night. Then came the heart attacks.

Lisa: It's a media circus!

Homer: Woo-Hoo! The circus!

Lisa: A media circus.

Homer: Woo-Hoo! I don't know the difference!

Marge: This is the most exciting scandal since the Juice was on the loose.

Lisa: The Juice is still on the loose.

Marge: Aaaaaaaaaaahh!!!

Kent Brockman: Mr. Mayor, just how many illegitimate children are you hiding?

Mayor Quimby: Kent, I'm hiding nothing... [takes out a puppy from behind his back] except his puppy.

Reporters: Awwwwwwwww.

Quimby: Look into his eyes and tell me I'm lying.

Brockman: Well, I'm placated, and so are all my friends in the local media.

Chloe Talbot: Well, if it isn't local news legend Kent Brockman. Hey, Kent, run over any more pedestrians?

Brockman: Those records are sealed.

Bart: I didn't think anyone successful came from Springfield.

Homer: What about the two-headed goat?

Lisa: Technically, he was born in Shelbyville.

Homer: Yes, but he came here to die. [looks out of the window at a statue of a two-headed goat] One of you ate tin cans, the other ate health food. How you solved crimes, I'll never know.

Brockman: Channel 6 News rocks! A car chase every night or the weather girl wears a tube top. And if she doesn't, you win a pizza!

Chloe: Marge, where are you living now?

Marge: [mumbling] Evergreen Terrace.

Chloe: Paris? Just like you always dreamed!

Marge: Terrace. Evergreen Terrace. The street that smells like pee.

Marge: Would you like to come over for dinner tomorrow?

Chloe: Oh, I'd love to! I'm getting so sick of these greasy catered meals.

Luigi Risotto: You insult-a me, you insult Italy... [holds up a place mat with a map of Italy on] which is shaped like a boot?! Who knew?

Marge: You know, Chloe, some of us stayed in this town and made it a better place.

Homer: Oh, come on, Marge. The only reason we don't move out of this dunghill is because of my court-ordered ankle bracelet. [he pulls up his pants leg to show off the bracelet, which starts beeping] I'm here! I'm here! Quit buggin' me!

Marge: Why do you always have to show that to company?

Homer: It's a conversation starter!

Lisa: Mom, Chloe just won the Peabody Award!

Marge: Well, I just made the bathroom floor smell like lemons, where's the award for that?

Homer: Good news, Marge! I've learned to walk naked on stilts!

Homer: Marge, listen to me. Chloe may have a flashy job, but you're the backbone of this family. You're like the electrical tape that holds the two halves of my car together.

Marge: That's a sweet thought, Homie.

Homer: I just hate to see you upset, honey. [Homer snaps his fingers] You know what would be a good name for Maggie? Chloe.

Marge: Lisa, honey, let me explain what happened tonight. Sometimes when your mom has half a glass of wine, she goes cuckoo bananas.

Bart: Mom, I wanna be just like you. I mean the lava part, not the saving Lisa.

Homer: [starts strangling Bart] Pretend to care!