Difference between revisions of "Lisa's First Word/Quotes"

Latest revision as of 17:36, April 26, 2024

Marge: Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say Ma-ma?

Bart: Can you say "get bent"?

Marge: Bart!

Bart: Mister Rogers says it all the time.

Marge: He does not.

Homer: Maggie, can you say "daddy"? Dad-dy?

Marge: "Kit-ty"? "Kit-ty"?

Lisa: "Be-bop"? "Be-bop"?

Bart: "Shove it?" "Shove it?"

Maggie: [burps]

Homer: Did you hear that? She said "burlap."

Marge: According to Fretful Mother magazine, if Maggie doesn't talk by age one, we should consider a corrective tongue extender.

Marge: Well, this story begins in this unforgettable spring of 1983: Ms. Pac-Man struck a blow for women's rights... a young Joe Piscopo taught us how to laugh.

Marge: Guess what, Homie... There's going to be twice as much love in this house as there is now.

Homer: We're gonna start doin' it in the morning?

Marge: No.

Marge: I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.

Homer: No, we won't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21!

Marge: Won't that warp him?

Homer: My cousin Frank did it.

Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.

Homer: He became Francine back in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu, now.

Realty agent: Once you get used to the smell of melted hog fat, you'll wonder how you ever did without it.

Homer: Mmmm. Hog fat.

Homer: Dad, I have a problem.

Grampa: Why'd you come to me. I don't know nothing. I used to get by on my looks. Now they're gone—withered away like an old piece of fruit. [sobs]

Homer: Are you done?

Grampa: No, not yet. I was voted the handsomest boy in Albany, New York.

Homer: Dad, I don't need advice, I need $15,000 to buy a home.

Grampa: Oh! Well, all I own is this house, that I built with my own two hands.

Homer: You didn't build this house. You won it on a crooked '50's game show!

Grampa: I ratted on everybody and got off scot free!

Homer: Dad, first you gave me life, now you've given me a home for my family. I'd be honored if you came to live with us.

Grampa: Thank you.

[in the present]

Bart: So, how long before you shipped Grampa off to the old folks home?

Homer: About three weeks.

Lisa: When are we going to get to my first word?

Homer: Your what-what?

Lisa: My first word.

Homer: Eh, you don't want to hear that story. I know! I'll tell you about the time I got locked in the bank vault with Mr. Mooney. It was another one of my hair-brained schemes.

Lisa: Dad!

Homer: Wait a minute. That was a "Lucy" show...

Marge: Bart, from now on, the baby sleeps in the crib.

Bart: Crib! Crib! I'm a baby!

Homer: All right, I know how to handle this. Just use a little reverse psychology. Let's go, Marge. Leave the baby with his little crib.

Bart: Can't sleep... Clown'll eat me... Can't sleep... Clown'll eat me...

Marge: Homie... I think the baby's coming.

Homer: Wow. A baby and a free burger. Could this be the best day of my life?

Sportscaster: Coming up next, an hour-long episode of Mama's Family.

Homer: Yes!

Rod Flanders: Oh boy! Liver!

Todd Flanders: Iron helps us play!

Dr. Hibbert: She has the reflexes of a young Mary Lou Retton. Have a wowwy-pop.

Bart: Can I have a lolly-pop?

Dr. Hibbert: Oh Bart, I'm afraid that was the last one. But I've got something even better for you—a rubella inoculation.

Bart: I liked it when it was me, Mom and Homer. You wrecked everything. I'm leaving. Goodbye.

Lisa: Bart.

Bart: What did you say?

Lisa: Bart!

Bart: Sufferin' succotash! You can talk!

[takes Lisa downstairs]

Bart: Mom, Dad, she can talk! Say it again, Lis.

Lisa: Bart. Bart Bart Bart Bart Bart.

Bart: I'm her first word!

Marge: Lisa, can you say "Mommy"?

Lisa: Mommy.

Bart: Can you say "David Hasselhoff"?

Lisa: Davah Hassahoff.

Homer: Can you say "Daddy"?

Lisa: Homer.

Homer: No, sweetie. "Daddy."

Lisa: [pauses] Homer.

Homer: Y'know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word.

Maggie: Daddy.