Difference between revisions of "Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife/Quotes"
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| − | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart Has Two Mommies|Million-Dollar Abie|Homer Simpson, | + | {{EpisodePrevNextQuo|Bart Has Two Mommies|Million-Dollar Abie}} |
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| + | {{qf|[[Homer]]}} I am so stoked about Lenny's party. He said he was gonna make a surprise announcement! | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Maybe he's getting married? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Why the hell would he want to do that... blessed sacrament that has made my life so rich? I like your hat, sweetie. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} I'm not wearing a hat. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I mean the one at the house. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Brandine]]}} Another party and we cain't go. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Cletus]]}} Yeah. Just 'cause we's afraid of usin' the uppity box. ''[points at the elevator]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Carl]]}} Ain't no party like a Lenny party, 'cause a Lenny party don't stop! ''[checks his watch]'' Eh, I gotta work tomorrow. I-I'd better go. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} How did Lenny get to be "[[Newsfake]]" magazine's man of the year? | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} That's just a souvenir from am amusement park. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} What?! Next you'll be telling me he didn't meet [[Woody Woodpecker]]. ''[points to a photo of Lenny shaking Woody's hand]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lenny]]}} I dated the woman in that suit for three months. Then she left me for the guy that cleans the vomit off the roller coasters. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Lenny, bring me a beer and your deepest chamber pot. Chop-chop! | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Later, if I have enough energy, we can walk up to the TV, and I'll show you how thin it is. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} ''[looking out the window]'' Wow, there's a rainbow outside. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} ''[pointing to the TV]'' Oh yeah, well, right there's a commercial with a dancing cold sore. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Lenny}} Beat it! This is my alone time. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Can you at least take a picture of me with the TV? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lenny}} I ain't fallin' for that again. ''[points to several framed pictures of Homer posing with the TV on the wall]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh yeah, good times. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Yello? | ||
| + | {{qf|Smooth-voiced man}} Congratulations, Mr. Simpson, you've won! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} The big-screen TV? | ||
| + | {{qf|Smooth-voiced man}} No. No one wins that. You win third prize. A tour of the Fox Network in [[Los Angeles]], [[California]]. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} All expenses paid? | ||
| + | {{qf|Smooth-voiced man}} Uh, look, I gotta go. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Tour guide}} Ooh, why look, there's {{Ch|Dan Castellaneta}} from ''[[The Tracey Ullman Show]]''. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Hey, funny man, say something funny! | ||
| + | {{qf|Dan Castellaneta}} Please, don't lean out the tram, sir, you might get hurt. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Ooh, "don't lean out the tram-" Aaaaagh! ''[Homer is knocked out of the tram by a statue of [[Mischa Barton]]]'' | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} What are you doing, Homer? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} I'm signing us up for a reality show where we trade you to another family. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Well, that might be interesting... or it could damage many, many lives. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | :''[Homer and Bart moon the cameraman.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Producer}} Uhh. We'd better pixelate those. | ||
| + | {{qf|{{ap|Doug|camera man}}}} ''[panicky]'' There aren't enough pixels in the world! | ||
| + | {{qf|Producer}} Yeah, urm, just cover it with {{Ch|Ryan Seacrest}}'s head. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Producer}} Your two families will exchange wives for a month. Then a viewer vote will decide who they think is the least reprehensible. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} I don't understand, dad. Our family has so many flaws. Why must we share them with the world? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Because we'll be on TV, and earn enough money to buy a TV. TV! | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} But, dad... | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Yes, TV-sa? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Eh, forget it. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Listen up, Stonehenge. I made a drawing of the places on Marge you can't touch. Especially the hair. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Charles Heathbar]]}} Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. Heh, heh, heh. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} You take forever to say nothing. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Verity Heathbar]]}} Charles hasn't satisfied me in years. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} So, Charles, what do you do for a living? | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} Well, I'm an office manager, and no, I didn't even get a promotion today, again. So go on, go ahead. Disembowel me with your pointy, pointy words. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Verity}} Young man, I'm going to turn that cartoon into homework. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Bart]]}} Help me, cameraman! I let you some a cigarette in my bedroom! | ||
| + | {{qf|Doug}} ''[brusque]'' That was a joint. And I have a name. It's Doug. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} One more kind word from her, and I am completely smitten. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Ooh, your toaster takes bagels! How ritzy! | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} And there we have it. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} What's that delicious smell? | ||
| + | {{qf|Verity}} I'm burning all of your underwear. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} I'm sorry, but I love Homer. | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} Uhhh. Of course, you do. He's a real man... not like me, a miserable toad under the thumb of the biggest bitch this side of the Westminster Kennel Club. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Charles, please... your son might see this. | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} He's not my real son! His real father is either the pool man or my wife's lover. Oh, ho. They're the main two candidates I've narrowed it down to. Pretty sure. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Oh, there, there. God, I miss Homer. | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} I miss him too. What is it about him that is so damned irresistible? | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Well, he's loved me ever since the first moment he saw me, and he's never stopped. And whatever it takes to make me happy, he'll do it, even if it kills him. | ||
| + | :''[Doug turns to the director.]'' | ||
| + | {{qf|Doug}} Sorry, I ran out of tape just before that beautiful speech of hers. But I got a great shot of him saying his son's a bastard. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Lisa! What are you doing in the nutmeg state? | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} Fox flew me out here to bring you back. They flew me on Frito-Lay's Air Force Yum! And I'm required to say "Come to the cool ranch and rope in the flavor. Yee-haw." | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Let's go home, sweetie. I'm sure there's a hamper full of Homer waiting for me. | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} And I'm coming with you... to tell my sea hag of a wife, "You're fired!" Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I was doing, uh, {{Ch|Donald Trump}}? Billionaire? If you knew who he was, you'd be dying. | ||
| + | {{qf|Lisa}} I know who Donald Trump is. | ||
| + | {{qf|Marge}} Me too. | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} I don't think you do. Spot on. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Oh, Marge, thank god you're back! She made me spend time with the kids! And not just TV time. Talking time! | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} Where is she? Where's the soul-sucking she-beast that I call "Sweetums"? | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} [[Maggie]]? She's in her crib. | ||
| + | ---- | ||
| + | {{qf|Verity}} Charles, I'm leaving you. | ||
| + | {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Ya snooze, ya lose. | ||
| + | {{qf|Charles}} You're leaving me for him?! | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} So it would appear. However, Cousin Itt there, was born a woman. | ||
| + | {{qf|Patty}} What brought us together is how much we hate you. | ||
| + | {{qf|Homer}} Yeah, well, I'm gonna vote no on 38 so you can't adopt. ''[Patty twists his arm]'' Ah! Ow! Kidding! Kidding! I don't vote! The polling place is up a hill, and I never make it! | ||
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{{Season 17|Q}} | {{Season 17|Q}} | ||
Latest revision as of 12:00, December 1, 2019
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- Homer: I am so stoked about Lenny's party. He said he was gonna make a surprise announcement!
- Marge: Maybe he's getting married?
- Homer: Why the hell would he want to do that... blessed sacrament that has made my life so rich? I like your hat, sweetie.
- Marge: I'm not wearing a hat.
- Homer: I mean the one at the house.
- Brandine: Another party and we cain't go.
- Cletus: Yeah. Just 'cause we's afraid of usin' the uppity box. [points at the elevator]
- Carl: Ain't no party like a Lenny party, 'cause a Lenny party don't stop! [checks his watch] Eh, I gotta work tomorrow. I-I'd better go.
- Homer: How did Lenny get to be "Newsfake" magazine's man of the year?
- Marge: That's just a souvenir from am amusement park.
- Homer: What?! Next you'll be telling me he didn't meet Woody Woodpecker. [points to a photo of Lenny shaking Woody's hand]
- Lenny: I dated the woman in that suit for three months. Then she left me for the guy that cleans the vomit off the roller coasters.
- Homer: Lenny, bring me a beer and your deepest chamber pot. Chop-chop!
- Homer: Later, if I have enough energy, we can walk up to the TV, and I'll show you how thin it is.
- Lisa: [looking out the window] Wow, there's a rainbow outside.
- Homer: [pointing to the TV] Oh yeah, well, right there's a commercial with a dancing cold sore.
- Lenny: Beat it! This is my alone time.
- Homer: Can you at least take a picture of me with the TV?
- Lenny: I ain't fallin' for that again. [points to several framed pictures of Homer posing with the TV on the wall]
- Homer: Oh yeah, good times.
- Homer: Yello?
- Smooth-voiced man: Congratulations, Mr. Simpson, you've won!
- Homer: The big-screen TV?
- Smooth-voiced man: No. No one wins that. You win third prize. A tour of the Fox Network in Los Angeles, California.
- Homer: All expenses paid?
- Smooth-voiced man: Uh, look, I gotta go.
- Tour guide: Ooh, why look, there's Dan Castellaneta from The Tracey Ullman Show.
- Homer: Hey, funny man, say something funny!
- Dan Castellaneta: Please, don't lean out the tram, sir, you might get hurt.
- Homer: Ooh, "don't lean out the tram-" Aaaaagh! [Homer is knocked out of the tram by a statue of Mischa Barton]
- Marge: What are you doing, Homer?
- Homer: I'm signing us up for a reality show where we trade you to another family.
- Marge: Well, that might be interesting... or it could damage many, many lives.
- [Homer and Bart moon the cameraman.]
- Producer: Uhh. We'd better pixelate those.
- Doug: [panicky] There aren't enough pixels in the world!
- Producer: Yeah, urm, just cover it with Ryan Seacrest's head.
- Producer: Your two families will exchange wives for a month. Then a viewer vote will decide who they think is the least reprehensible.
- Lisa: I don't understand, dad. Our family has so many flaws. Why must we share them with the world?
- Homer: Because we'll be on TV, and earn enough money to buy a TV. TV!
- Lisa: But, dad...
- Homer: Yes, TV-sa?
- Lisa: Eh, forget it.
- Homer: Listen up, Stonehenge. I made a drawing of the places on Marge you can't touch. Especially the hair.
- Charles Heathbar: Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. Heh, heh, heh. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual.
- Homer: You take forever to say nothing.
- Verity Heathbar: Charles hasn't satisfied me in years.
- Homer: Yeah, that's how I feel about Notre Dame football.
- Marge: So, Charles, what do you do for a living?
- Charles: Well, I'm an office manager, and no, I didn't even get a promotion today, again. So go on, go ahead. Disembowel me with your pointy, pointy words.
- Verity: Young man, I'm going to turn that cartoon into homework.
- Bart: Help me, cameraman! I let you some a cigarette in my bedroom!
- Doug: [brusque] That was a joint. And I have a name. It's Doug.
- Charles: One more kind word from her, and I am completely smitten.
- Marge: Ooh, your toaster takes bagels! How ritzy!
- Charles: And there we have it.
- Homer: What's that delicious smell?
- Verity: I'm burning all of your underwear.
- Marge: I'm sorry, but I love Homer.
- Charles: Uhhh. Of course, you do. He's a real man... not like me, a miserable toad under the thumb of the biggest bitch this side of the Westminster Kennel Club.
- Marge: Charles, please... your son might see this.
- Charles: He's not my real son! His real father is either the pool man or my wife's lover. Oh, ho. They're the main two candidates I've narrowed it down to. Pretty sure.
- Marge: Oh, there, there. God, I miss Homer.
- Charles: I miss him too. What is it about him that is so damned irresistible?
- Marge: Well, he's loved me ever since the first moment he saw me, and he's never stopped. And whatever it takes to make me happy, he'll do it, even if it kills him.
- [Doug turns to the director.]
- Doug: Sorry, I ran out of tape just before that beautiful speech of hers. But I got a great shot of him saying his son's a bastard.
- Marge: Lisa! What are you doing in the nutmeg state?
- Lisa: Fox flew me out here to bring you back. They flew me on Frito-Lay's Air Force Yum! And I'm required to say "Come to the cool ranch and rope in the flavor. Yee-haw."
- Marge: Let's go home, sweetie. I'm sure there's a hamper full of Homer waiting for me.
- Charles: And I'm coming with you... to tell my sea hag of a wife, "You're fired!" Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I was doing, uh, Donald Trump? Billionaire? If you knew who he was, you'd be dying.
- Lisa: I know who Donald Trump is.
- Marge: Me too.
- Charles: I don't think you do. Spot on.
- Homer: Oh, Marge, thank god you're back! She made me spend time with the kids! And not just TV time. Talking time!
- Charles: Where is she? Where's the soul-sucking she-beast that I call "Sweetums"?
- Homer: Maggie? She's in her crib.
- Verity: Charles, I'm leaving you.
- Patty: Ya snooze, ya lose.
- Charles: You're leaving me for him?!
- Homer: So it would appear. However, Cousin Itt there, was born a woman.
- Patty: What brought us together is how much we hate you.
- Homer: Yeah, well, I'm gonna vote no on 38 so you can't adopt. [Patty twists his arm] Ah! Ow! Kidding! Kidding! I don't vote! The polling place is up a hill, and I never make it!
