Difference between revisions of "Goo Goo Gai Pan/Quotes"
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{{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Do you know this baby once out-raced the Flying Finn, [[Paavo Nurmi]]? | {{qf|[[Mr. Burns]]}} Do you know this baby once out-raced the Flying Finn, [[Paavo Nurmi]]? | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Selma]]}} ''[grunts]'' Turn the heater | + | {{qf|[[Selma]]}} ''[grunts]'' Turn the heater off—it's boiling in here! |
{{qf|Mr. Burns}} What are you talking about? This car is cooler than Guy Lombardo. | {{qf|Mr. Burns}} What are you talking about? This car is cooler than Guy Lombardo. | ||
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{{qf|[[Marge]]}} Selma, I never realized you wanted a child so badly. | {{qf|[[Marge]]}} Selma, I never realized you wanted a child so badly. | ||
{{qf|Selma}} I didn't want to get pregnant and lose my looks-- | {{qf|Selma}} I didn't want to get pregnant and lose my looks-- | ||
| − | :''[Homer tries to stifle a laugh]'' | + | :''[Homer tries to stifle a laugh.]'' |
{{qf|Selma}} But now I'm afraid I'll grow old alone. | {{qf|Selma}} But now I'm afraid I'll grow old alone. | ||
{{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What about your pet iguana, [[Jub-Jub]]? | {{qf|[[Lisa]]}} What about your pet iguana, [[Jub-Jub]]? | ||
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{{qf|Selma}} Everyone has a child but me. | {{qf|Selma}} Everyone has a child but me. | ||
| − | {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Cheer up, | + | {{qf|[[Patty]]}} Cheer up, sis—there's a dented-can sale down at Schwegman's. |
{{qf|Selma}} This is one problem damaged food can't solve. | {{qf|Selma}} This is one problem damaged food can't solve. | ||
{{qf|Patty}} Wow, you really are down. Hey, you ever think of adoption? | {{qf|Patty}} Wow, you really are down. Hey, you ever think of adoption? | ||
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{{qf|Bart}} We understand, ma'am. We're pretty lousy kids. | {{qf|Bart}} We understand, ma'am. We're pretty lousy kids. | ||
{{qf|Madam Wu}} Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically. | {{qf|Madam Wu}} Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically. | ||
| − | {{qf|Lisa}} | + | {{qf|Lisa}} I don't know about that—I'm considered pretty smart. |
{{qf|Madam Wu}} Well, [[Tibet]] was considered "pretty independent." How'd that work out? | {{qf|Madam Wu}} Well, [[Tibet]] was considered "pretty independent." How'd that work out? | ||
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{{qf|Marge}} Just think about the day you found that Junior Mint in your bellybutton. | {{qf|Marge}} Just think about the day you found that Junior Mint in your bellybutton. | ||
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| − | {{qf|Selma}} Madam Wu, I too work for a cruel and faceless | + | {{qf|Selma}} Madam Wu, I too work for a cruel and faceless empire—the [[Department of Motor Vehicles]]. |
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{{qf|Homer}} Something's wrong with Bart. He's acting weird. | {{qf|Homer}} Something's wrong with Bart. He's acting weird. | ||
Latest revision as of 09:31, May 9, 2021
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- Mr. Burns: Do you know this baby once out-raced the Flying Finn, Paavo Nurmi?
- Selma: [grunts] Turn the heater off—it's boiling in here!
- Mr. Burns: What are you talking about? This car is cooler than Guy Lombardo.
- Mr. Burns: Good heavens, she's some sort of female madman!
- Waylon Smithers: Sir, thank God the airbags activated!
- Mr. Burns: Those are my lungs!
- Homer: Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.
- Marge: Selma, I never realized you wanted a child so badly.
- Selma: I didn't want to get pregnant and lose my looks--
- [Homer tries to stifle a laugh.]
- Selma: But now I'm afraid I'll grow old alone.
- Lisa: What about your pet iguana, Jub-Jub?
- Selma: Jub-Jub can't take care of me when I'm old and sick. All he can do is eat me when I'm dead.
- Selma: Everyone has a child but me.
- Patty: Cheer up, sis—there's a dented-can sale down at Schwegman's.
- Selma: This is one problem damaged food can't solve.
- Patty: Wow, you really are down. Hey, you ever think of adoption?
- Selma: The adoption process! That'll end the heartbreak.
- Lisa: Don't give up, Aunt Selma. China has thousands of baby girls who need adoption.
- Homer: Great, another job lost to a foreigner.
- Mr. Zhao: The Chinese government only allows wholesome, married couples to adopt. No "hen without cock." I apologize if that is a double-entendre in your language. It is not in ours.
- Selma: Don't worry. I'll just write my husband's name on this form. Have you ever heard of MacGyver?
- Mr. Zhao: Oh yes. Big star. Big star. We know he's not married to you.
- Homer: Hey look, a dragon.
- White Dragon: Hello, Homer. Give me your peanuts and you can fly on my back.
- Homer: I'll give you one.
- White Dragon: Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this.
- Homer: Hey dragon! You fly like a girl!
- Homer: Oh, look at him sleeping. He's like a little angel that killed fifty million people. Yes you are... yes you are!
- Madam Wu: So, Mr. Simpson, what do you do for a living?
- Homer: I'm a nuclear--
- Homer's thoughts: Wait a minute. These guys don't know me. I can be whatever I want.
- Homer: I'm a Chinese acrobat!
- Madam Wu: You shall be back in the land you love soon. Tomorrow we will give you your baby.
- Selma: Oh my God, really? My life begins at last.
- Madam Wu: That is quite an insult to your other children.
- Bart: We understand, ma'am. We're pretty lousy kids.
- Madam Wu: Lisa, soon you will have a Chinese baby sister who will surpass you academically.
- Lisa: I don't know about that—I'm considered pretty smart.
- Madam Wu: Well, Tibet was considered "pretty independent." How'd that work out?
- Madam Wu: Homer, we need your acrobatic skills. Only you can prevent this riot, and save our beloved Communist dictatorship.
- Homer: You guys are commies? Then why am I seeing rudimentary free markets?
- Madam Wu: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on Wu!
- Selma: Ling, you're gonna be very happy in America, unlike everyone else there.
- Lisa: Listen, I've got a plan to get Ling back. But we must be discreet. You never know where there might be a spy.
- Chinese spy: Yes, tell me your plan in detail, American sister. Don't have a cattle, dude.
- Lisa: Uh, let's talk about this outside.
- Lisa: You look just like a Buddha statue. Now, all you need is an expression of utter serenity.
- Marge: Just think about the day you found that Junior Mint in your bellybutton.
- Selma: Madam Wu, I too work for a cruel and faceless empire—the Department of Motor Vehicles.
- Homer: Something's wrong with Bart. He's acting weird.
- Chinese spy: Feast on my shorts, stupid father man.
- Homer: Wait, you're not Bart! Eh, close enough.
- Red Dragon: [singing] American jerks are going home. Now we sleep for a thousand years. When we wake the world will end.
