Wikisimpsons - The Simpsons Wiki
- Betty White: If you watch even one second of PBS and don't contribute, you are a thief! A common thief.
- Host: Okay, take it easy, Betty.
- Betty White: Sorry, but these thieves make me so damn mad! You know who you are. Thieves!
- Host: With your donation, you'll receive this classic PBS tote bag.
- Betty White: Or this umbrella, featuring a picture of our classic tote bag.
- Betty White: Folks, we just reached our goal of ten thousand, seven hundred dollars. And it's all thanks to one generous caller who didn't leave his name. But, thanks to Insta-trace, we've learned it's Homer Simpson, of 742 Evergreen Terrace.
- Homer: [screams] Oh, why did I register with Insta-trace?
- Lisa: Mom, Dad's on PBS!
- Marge: They don't show police chases, do they?
- Homer: The banks are closed by now.
- Betty White: It's 12:15.
- Homer: Maybe your movie star banks are open crazy hours, but we in Springfield are simple folk. We like our cars fast, and our banks closed.
- Homer: Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
- Reverend Lovejoy: Oh, why did I teach him that word?
- Qtoktok: Are you enjoying your ox testicle?
- Homer: Oh, yes. Very much so.
- Qtoktok: Really? You sure you wouldn't rather have a coconut? They're delicious.
- Homer: No, I'm good.
- Homer: My name's Homer. What's yours?
- Lisa, Jr.: I am Oovilu-eeoo-kitana-wanjay.
- Homer: I'm gonna call you Lisa Junior.
- Qtoktok: Craig and Amy were digging a well.
- Ak: Craig and Amy were also building a chapel.
- Homer: Craig and Amy, Craig and Amy. Why don't you just marry Craig and Amy?
- Qtoktok: [to Ak] I told you we should have asked them.
- Marge: Homer, are you all right?
- Homer: I guess so, but that first month was pretty rough.
- Marge: You've only been gone two days.
- Ak: [drunk] How can ace be one and eleven? Huh? What kind of God would allow that?
- Homer: Oh, what happened?! I gave you a glittering Vegas, and you turned it into a skanky Atlantic City!
- Qtoktok: Your alcohol and inexpensive buffets have corrupted us. I don't even like macaroni salad, but look at me!
- Ak: Why are you building chapel?
- Homer: Because you're all terrible sinners.
- Ak: Since when?
- Homer: Since I got here.