Homer the Moe/Quotes

Quotes

Season 13 Episode Quotes

←

271

"The Parent Rap"

272
"Homer the Moe"

"A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love"

273

→

Lisa: Where's Bart? His Mountain Dew's getting flat.

Marge: [Looking out the window.] That's odd. He's outside, digging.

Homer: Probably digging for drugs.

Marge: There's no drugs out there!

Homer: No. [suspiciously] Of course not.

Marge: Bart, this is Dr. Kaufman. He's a special kind of talking doctor.

Dr. Kaufman: Call me Bob. Well, that's quite a hole you're digging.

Bart: Thanks, Bob.

Kaufman: A-heh. You know, a hole's a great place to hide when people are fighting. Are there angry people in your house?

Bart: My dad's always yelling that whitey's keeping him down.

Kaufman: [writing notes] I see...

[Moe interupts Homer's story about Bart digging.]

Moe: That is the stupidest story I ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series.

Homer: Geez, Moe, you've been a real crank lately.

[Moe pulls a shotgun from behind the bar, cocks it, and points it at Homer]

Moe: You take that back!

[Bartender Homer takes a prank call.]

Homer: [phone rings] Yello?

Bart: [on phone] Um, yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger. First name Ollie.

Homer: Ooo, Bart! My first prank call! What do I do?

Bart: Just ask if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.

Homer: I don't get it.

Bart: Yell out, 'I'll eat a booger.'

'Homer: "What's the gag?"

Bart: Oh, forget it!

[Bart hangs up in frustration.]

[Homer's impromptu street song]

I'm a walking down the street,

Gonna open Moe's bar,

I'm a-singin' what I'm thinkin',

Hey, look at that dog!

[Moe's new tavern, 'M,' is open]

Carl: I don't get all this eyeball stuff. [Referring to giant close-ups of eyes on video screens] What are they supposed to represent? Eyeballs?

Moe: It's 'Po-Mo!'

[Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl stare at him blankly.]

Moe: Post-Modern?

[They continue to stare blankly.]

Moe: Yeah, all right. 'Weird for the sake of weird.'

Homer, Barney, Lenny and Carl: Ohh!

[Sung to the tune of Joan Jett's "I Love Rock 'n' Roll"]

Homer, Lenny, Carl and Barney: I won't drink at Moe's. Homer's old garage is all I need!

I won't drink at Moe's...

Homer: ...'cause Moe's a big jerk, and a she-male, too!

[Homer's version of R.E.M.'s It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)]

Leonid What's-his-name,

Herman Munster, Motorcade,

Birthday party, Cheetos,

Pogo-sticks and lemonade,

Symbiotic stupid jerks,

That's right Flanders,

I'm talkin' about you!

Homer: Turkeys...the only animal smarter than man.

Homer: I'm sorry I shot you, Moe.

Moe: Aw, that's okay. It's like my dad always said, 'Eventually, everybody gets shot.'

← Season 12 Season 13 Quotes Season 14 →
Treehouse of Horror XII • The Parent Rap • Homer the Moe • A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love • The Blunder Years • She of Little Faith • Brawl in the Family • Sweets and Sour Marge • Jaws Wired Shut • Half-Decent Proposal • The Bart Wants What It Wants • The Lastest Gun in the West • The Old Man and the Key • Tales from the Public Domain • Blame It on Lisa • Weekend at Burnsie's • Gump Roast • I Am Furious (Yellow) • The Sweetest Apu • Little Girl in the Big Ten • The Frying Game • Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge